Withdrawing from K, UNhappy family!

[citymagnolia]

DD1 started kindergarten this August. At first she liked it and I was fairly comfortable with it. This week she has been stressed out by school. She says it's too long--7 hours!--and she wants to be with her family. The last 2 nights she has come into my bed crying because she doesn't want to go to school. My family--parents, brother, SIS, uncles, etc.--was so relieved and happy when I chose to send her to school. Education is a huge deal in our family. A lot of them are teachers and are upset that we didn't put her in preschool when she turned 2. Her dad is not in the picture much, and my fiance, who has always agreed with me that we should HS, now thinks that sending her to school is a good idea, but he's pretty non-committal. He'll go along with whatever I choose, but I don't think he'll be very involved in her schooling.

I'm not getting support or even solid feedback from DF, I only know one other person who home schools, and I have heavy opposition from my family. Now that they're so happy about her going to school, I know it will be an even bigger deal for me to HS. Their reaction is not a factor in my decision, but we are a very close family--everyone is always in everyone's business!--and knowing that they all think I'm making a poor decision as a parent is really stressful.

I'm also torn about taking her out so soon after she started. My fiance brought up that it will teach her that she can give up when things get uncomfortable. I think, she's only 5. There will be plenty of other opportunities to learn follow-through.

I think I just needed to vent to people who will understand. I've been reading Waldorf HS blogs and reading this forum a lot for inspiration this week, and putting the situation into words is helpful.

I would love to hear how anyone else deals with anti-HS families. I know they will eventually come around, like they do with everything, but schooling hits close to their hearts. I think it's going to be a long road.

That said, I think tomorrow will be our first day of officially homeschooling. That's an announcement that feels sooo good to make after this week of uncertainty! I'm not even sure about how to go about withdrawing her...

[sleet76]

Congratulations on making the decision! I know it can feel like a big one. I bet, though, as you settle in, you'll realize that this whole homeschooling thing isn't all that big of a deal after all.

I've been lucky enough to have pretty supportive family members, so no real advice there. Just wanted to celebrate with you!

[AAK]

Withdrawing is easy. There is a form that you should fill out at the school. Then, depending on your state, you may need to submit something that states that you are homeschooling.

I also debated with the "quitting" when things get tough. But, I also thought that it empowers a person to take control of their life when possible. If something isn't working out--change the situation if you can! This isn't a team that she "committed to" for a specific time period. With that, you could say "I know you decided that you don't like basketball, but your team is counting on you to finish the season". School is more closely related to an adult's job/career. If it isn't satisfying and a person has the opportunity to make a change, they usually do. It isn't looked at as "being a quitter" but instead the person is "moving up", "making a positive change", or "trying something new".

Good luck on your homeschooling venture. As far as your family goes, they will be fine. Be simple and say that school wasn't a good fit for your dd at this time.

Amy

[citymagnolia]

Thank you for your quick replies!

It came to me after I put her to bed, I'm glad that we tried kindergarten, and grateful that I've been able to have really open conversations with DD about the experience, from the decision to enroll to the decision to let it go. I think she learned how to express her feelings a little better and I think that throughout the process she has felt seen and heard. Her schooling effects the quality of her whole life and it's only fair that, when possible, she's the one who decides what works for her and what doesn't. 5-year-olds might deserve a lot more credit than they often receive.

Some things she told me as I was putting her to bed tonight:
The teacher thinks she can't remember anything because every time they go to circle time she tells them to sit criss-cross apple sauce and tells them all the reasons why. "Doesn't she think I remember that by now??"

The teacher keeps saying the same thing over and over even if only one kid doesn't understand.

She doesn't have time to finish her lunch, not matter how fast she eats.

Before kindergarten she was always outside and now she "never" is.

When she needs help she only wants Mommy to help her and I'm never there.

Who can blame her for not wanting to go?

[bass chick]

I agree with AAK about quitting vs. changing things that are not working and that are within your control. Think about what our lives would be like if we never quit anything we started, especially if it wasn't working out. For one thing, I'd still be working at New York Fries!

Good for your for listening to your daughter! I enrolled my son in a Christian preschool and he hated it from day one (and his original teacher was FIRED after 2 months), but dh said he should stick it out until the end. I regret not pulling him out at the beginning.

[elizawill]

sounds like you've had quite a week! i'm sorry your family isn't being supportive. i hope that will change for you over time. my parents didn't openly oppose when we started, although i am quite sure they hoped it wouldn't last, lol. now that we've been doing it for a while though, they really are supportive... it isn't strange anymore to them. my mom even meets other grandparents with homeschooling grandkids, and she loves that.

in the meantime, i'm sure you will find tons of support on this forum. there are other forums as well, and i love my online communities!

i hope you and your little girl enjoy yourselves. we really love homeschooling. i bet there are a lot of homeschooling opportunities in your area that you don't even know about. if you post your state specifically, i bet a lot of people here can help you with the legal stuff & perhaps homeschool groups, etc. (if that interest you).

hugs.

[raelize]

i agree with all the pp about pulling her out teaching her something just as important as follow through. And i think most people who force their kid to finish an unpleasant year to later hs regret they didn't just pull them out when they first brought it up.
i can speak to the unsupportive family. my family's only experience with hsing was an unschooling family who's kids ended up being world class equestrians who were functionally literate. they didn't even test into remedial classes at the local community classes when they went to college.

my father is very hesitant about socialization. he is one of those who thinks that kids need to learn that their unpleasant behavior will lose them friends, which will teach them that they can't do that behavior. just this week we were talking about the number of kids who hav suicided in the news and what their school experiences were. we were talking about how the peer oriented nature of our society now is nto healthy for kids. he totally agreed until he realized what i was saying. then he started his usual "they learn what is acceptable behavior from other kids" and i said, "yes, those kids who suicided learned from the other kids that they didn't fit in. but nobody showed them how to change their behavior. honestly is one 8 year old savvy enough to be able to sit down with another 8 year old and explain that when he pushes other kids out of the way or talks over other kids that it is annoying and will lose him friends? and then the 8 year old "teacher" is going to play act with the other one healthier behavior choices? or how to handle bullys? really? cause i have never met that 8 year old. i could have used him in school. and if that is your teaching- being ostracised by other kids, then there is absolutely nothign wrong with what those bullys did. they were teaching the others that their behavior is not going to be tolerated."
my dad realized how ridiculous his logic was and immediatly conceded the point.
so, point of the story is, you need to be very well versed on why you are hsing, and for most people, "she misses mommy and doesn't like school" isn't a good enough reason. it is for me, and for most hsing families, but not most people.
for my family there are a few points that i think resonate with other people also. 1) money and life experience- my mother is so worried about how hard it will be on our family to only have one income, and she also feels like she didn't raise me to be a hausfrau. of course, she stayed home till the youngest was 3, then worked part time, then taught school so she could be home when we were home. i don't want that either and i have FINALLY convinced her of our plans.
2) the socialization thing-which is a consant discussion. and you need to hav good well thought out points for this one. i would suggest the book hold on to your kids, and the studies that show that hs'ed kids actually are much better socialized and score higher on academic tests than regular schooled kids
3) "why do you want to stay home with your kids all day, don't you want a break?" which, i don't think needs an answer.

so, that is my experience and it is a constant discussion. my family is like yours, very close, always in each others business, and my mother is a teacher, so, i hear it all the time.

hth