Is any alcohol okay?

[Kelilah]

Since finding out about this pregnancy, I've discovered the unfortunate fact that I can't do my job well without a drink. I work in a place where it's perfectly acceptable to drink on the job, so that's not a problem, but for the past few shifts I've gone home broke because I simply can't do this job well without loosening up first. I don't get drunk or anything; I just have one glass of wine or one martini to start the shift, and then I don't need any more after that.

I haven't had any alcohol since finding out that I'm pregnant, and I already had one miscarriage last year so I'm horribly paranoid about losing this baby. I'm thinking I should probably play it safe and continue to abstain completely. And I do have a new job coming up in a few weeks. However, I'm wondering if it might be all right to have one glass of wine at the beginning of my work shifts (about 3 or 4 per week) just so I can earn some income until then. We really need the money, but I need a healthy baby too.

Your thoughts? (No judgement, please, I already know this is a crappy situation.)

[heathenmom]

Didn't I JUST see a study this past week that showed that light drinking during pregnancy is safe? Let me see if I can find it again ...

http://www.acsh.org/factsfears/newsi...ews_detail.asp

... that does sound like a crappy situation ....

[la mamita]

Is there anything else you could replace the alcohol with--I'm thinking yoga, meditation, exercise, candy, listening to pump-up songs on an ipod, sex....anything that would get you relaxed or excited or motivated or whatever it is that alcohol provides you with without the risk? I personally wouldn't continue drinking while pregnant and I worry about the statement "I can't work well without drinking".

Good luck and I hope you can find some peace!

[lil_stinkyfeet]

HUGS

There are mixed opinions on it, I personally would not be comfortable with having a drink that often but I usually abstain completely.

Good luck with your decision

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by la mamita

I worry about the statement "I can't work well without drinking".

yes

I personally don't feel comfortable drinking any amount during the embryonic period. I'll probably have a few drinks over the course of my pregnancy but not until well after the 1st trimester, not as a coping mechanism and certainly not multiple time a week.

[Kelilah]

Yeah, y'all are right. Guess I just have to accept the significant loss of income and hang in there until the new job starts up. Sigh. Oh well, a year from now when I have a healthy baby, it won't matter, right?

Thanks!

[littleteapot]

It isn't the light alcohol consumption I worry about but rather, as others have pointed out, the statement about needing it. Aside from that, "light" alcohol consumption != daily. The amount of units you're consuming on a weekly basis constitutes moderate to heavy drinking, mostly because it's habitual and you're psychologically (and perhaps physiologically) dependent on it to get you through a difficult situation, and/or your work.
Alcoholism is a very serious struggle, and I urge you to get some help and support with coping... Part of what people are worried over is that even after abstaining, you're craving it and wanting an excuse to give in. And honestly it isn't ABOUT the alcohol itself... it's the need. Even if you weren't pregnant, I would be worried. Hugs to you.

[Kelilah]

Oh, I'm not an alcoholic, and I actually don't want it now that I'm pregnant (I did mention that I have not had any since learning of my pregnancy). One of my earliest symptoms was an aversion to wine. I'm cool without it, except at work, where I start overthinking things and I wind up being way too tense and self-conscious to loosen up and do my job well.

I assure you that I am NOT craving it or "looking for an excuse to give in." I'm worried about the drastic loss in income that we've suffered, at a time when we really need the money, and I was asking if it would be safe to use this crutch for another few weeks until I start my new job. Upon reflection and reading your responses, I agree with y'all that it isn't safe, and we'll just have to live with the loss of income.

Thanks for your concern though; I know you mean well!

[Dot-to-Dot]

I think littleteapot is right about the dependency amounting to your consumption being problematic. And yet, no judgment! I threw my daughter her 1st birthday party last weekend and I was a nervous wreck to have EVERYONE in my tiny house and having to deal with my MIL. I really could have used a drink as I am anxious and shy anyway. So I get wanting a drink to loosen up and how it can make life easier sometimes. But, this first trimester (and all the trimesters) is SO important and the risk of dealing with a child who suffered from some sort of neurological disorder for the rest of your lifetime would not be ideal...especially if it can be avoided.

I know you've already responded about it above and you don't need any lecturing about it, but I just wanted to chime in about understanding the desire. But, do think about the dependency and what it could lead to. Probably time for a new job if you can rearrange things.

(Sorry, posted this just as you posted the last post and hadn't read your response yet)

[Kelilah]

Yeah, I start a new gig in a few weeks and am quitting this one for good when that starts. I thought about quitting sooner, but we're completely broke right now - the economy smacked us really hard this year and we're scraping to get by - and any little bit helps. But I doubt I'm even making minimum wage at this point (I work for tips alone, no paycheck).

It's kind of scary to see the bills piling up and my husband working 14-16 hour days, six days a week, a thousand miles from home for months, while I'm barely contributing enough to buy groceries. Anything I could do to fix this, I'd do... but not at the expense of my baby's health. So I'm staying off the sauce, and appreciate y'all's wise counsel.

[MaerynPearl]

DDCC -

I second the suggestion to find something else to help you.

I used to have a job working for just tips (waitressing) but drinking was not an option... and I am in general a very shy person!

Once I figured out what was right for me though (a good half hour of meditating before work) I was able to make it through the night with a smile and good enough personality to make great tips.

This doesn't have to be an all or nothing sort of situation... there are alternatives to help you that pose no risk at all to baby and actually may be beneficial

[Buddhamom]

I am curious as to what you do that makes you that tense? The tension alone probably isn't good for you and your baby either. But I have to agree with the posters above that you need another outlet and definitely another job. Hang in there and try to relax for you and your baby's sake. Maybe you could look through your bills and cut back in the entertainment area such as cable/satellite, cell phone, eating out, etc.

[Kelilah]

I'm a stripper. It's not what you think, I have a Master's degree and got into this because I enjoy it, or at least for five years I *did* enjoy it. The economic collapse has really impacted the industry hard though, to the point that most of the customers are broke and annoying - they really feel entitled to unlimited free entertainment - and my temper is just too short to deal with it these days. I'm tired, I don't like being up late at night, my tummy is already rounder than it was, and I'm feeling so resentful against the customers that I wind up snappish and rude, not flirty and fun. I also take it really personally when a thinner, younger girl does well and I don't. It's just wearing me down and I'm over it.

I also have a great freelance career in a different field when I can find work in it, and in a few weeks I have one of those gigs coming up; it'll last through Xmas, and husband and I will be working together, which is always pleasant when we can swing it. I've just got a few more weeks to get through. I might cut back to one or two shifts a week and find some way to make it work until the new gig starts.

We already don't have TV, I have the crappiest cell phone with the cheapest plan (husband won't let me get rid of it entirely, he worries for my safety when I'm out), and I cook most of what we eat, so there's not much more room to cut back. I was planning to retire by the end of the year anyway, so I'm REALLY looking forward to that last shift. I just have to keep my spirits up for a little while longer!

[javilu]

I figured it was something performance driven. Slightly different field, but as a semi-academic, I often feel like I could definitely use a drink before giving a talk or presentation!

[Kelilah]

Yeah, that too! Without a drink, I step onstage and start overthinking it. It really is a ridiculous job when you think about it, and I feel goofy up there. I never used to.

I also teach a class part-time and I get quite nervous, but I get through that more easily - I think because I'm being treated with more respect! The crowd really has changed considerably in the last couple of years.

[OrangeMoon]

I think ones energy changes when pregnant, it becomes more inwardly directed, creates more focusing on you and what's in you, maybe on some subconscious level, the customers are picking up on that? That it's about *you* now and not about them, and that's the way it should be during pregnancy, you know? But maybe I don't have a read on the situation. Anyway, last pregnancy I didn't drink at all and it stressed me out feeling like I could NEVER drink. Even if I didn't want to, feeling like I couldn't kind of pissed me off. This pregnancy I'm going a different route, I am craving beer like crazy, so I think the plan is to have up to one or two a week if I feel like it, less in the first tri probably though. Either that or one or two glasses of wine, depending on what I'm craving. Feeling like I'm not restricting myself, and still having a bit of fun is creating a more fun pregnancy for me for sure. I just feel happier but maybe I'm more relaxed the second time around. Anyway, good luck, and I hope your fam gets some monetary good luck very soon!

[Kelilah]

Orange, I think you're exactly right about me being more inwardly focused right now. I also know what you mean about being pissed off at the denial, haha... even when I don't want something, being told I can't have it annoys me too! I'll probably have a glass of wine or a beer every once in awhile once I pass the 12-week mark, but until then I just wouldn't enjoy it, I'd be too worried.

We just got a rather large check we weren't expecting for another month or so, which gives us some breathing room until the next gig starts up. Whew! So I'm quitting the club I don't like, pulling one or two more shifts at the one I do like, and focusing on other projects in the meantime. What a huge load off my back! It's almost like that check coming early was a sign.

[javilu]

That's awesome, about the check!

[becomingme]

Originally Posted by puffnstuff

That's awesome, about the check!

Seconded! It's amazing how things sometimes come together right when you need them to. Wishing you the best through your remaining shifts.

-nk

[Kelilah]

Thanks so much!