We had to let our babysitter go today 
, and our son still won't tell us the full story. He said one of our neighbors mom grabbed him and wasn't nice to him. I don't have this woman's # nor do I know exctly where she lives.
Rewind...Sitter took DS (6 yrs) and DD (1yr) to the community playground in our apartment complex. When I came back and asked how everything went, other than DD crying a while when I left, she said fine. When I asked about the playground, she said they had fun, but DS had to go to the bathroom, and one of the moms said it was fine for him to use theirs. I remember looking a little concerned when I heard that, just wondering who, of course, and she said it was a few doors down the 1st floor, and then came right back out. The way she worded it made me think they went altogether.
Fast forward to the evening, talking to DS, i casually mentioned it and said "Oh so you went to B's house to go to the bathroom?" He said yeah with that sheepish grin he does when he's lying/hiding something, so of course we ask if something happened. He said "no" smiling again. After lots of questions and trying to pull it out of him he said that he went to use the bathroom, and that B's mom gave him a drink of lemonade,but then "B's mom wasn't nice to him", and that she grabbed him. We talked about nice touches/ innappropriate touches/ private parts all that as a reminder, and he said more than once that she touched him in a not nice way grabbing his arm. Then he said it was his dad ? Then he didn't want to tell us more about it. We asked if they said something not nice too, he said yeah, but won't tell us. We've always empsazied to him that we get upset if he doesn't tell us the truth about things, and that we'll never be angry if he tells us the truth. But we can't seem to get it out of him. It's so frustrating! We talked to him about how we need to know to make sure he's safe when we're not with him.
So then the big question of course was where was the babysitter when this was happening? He didn't seem to want to tell us, but finally said she stayed out side- WTH?! She let our son go off with a stranger to use the bathroom? So when I called her to get her side of the story, she admitted that she shouldn't have. She thought it was ok because the mom knew my kids by their name and seemed to be a friend of ours. I knew her only from the playground a couple of times but honestly don't even remember her name! Nor do i know where she lives, nor do I have her number!
I explained that as a a babysitter, she should be with the kids in her care at all times. (She said she was too busy chasing DD around to go in),and that her job was to keep my kids (MY KIDS) safe, and that that woman was a stranger to her, so she should never have let her take MY son. I don't care if he ped in his pants or the bushes (our apartment id on the other end of the complex so that wasn't an option if he couldn't wait). If she had gone with them that would have been fine of course.So, I had to tell sitter that sadly, we weren't comfortable with her working for us...mind you this was only her 3rd day, and even after being so picky and thourough checking references, background etc, I feel like I just failed and hired the wrong person.
Now, how do we find out what really happened if DS won't tell us. I guess I have to wait until I bump into B's mom again..and confront her- how? since I don't have her contact info. How do I ask what happened without accusing her? It's a very awkward situation. I don't want to trust anyone after this.
Update: Babysitter came over to apologize in person. She said she was very sorry and did the wrong thing, and definitely learned from her mistake. She brought the kids some books as gifts. It seemed like she was asking for a second chance. I just told her I just feel like I couldn't trust her.
Do you think I overreacted? Should I have just warned her not to do that, and used it as a teaching moment and clarify my expectations for her. I tend to be too nice to people, and feel like I was too harsh this time- BUT it is about the safety of my children.
, and our son still won't tell us the full story. He said one of our neighbors mom grabbed him and wasn't nice to him. I don't have this woman's # nor do I know exctly where she lives.Rewind...Sitter took DS (6 yrs) and DD (1yr) to the community playground in our apartment complex. When I came back and asked how everything went, other than DD crying a while when I left, she said fine. When I asked about the playground, she said they had fun, but DS had to go to the bathroom, and one of the moms said it was fine for him to use theirs. I remember looking a little concerned when I heard that, just wondering who, of course, and she said it was a few doors down the 1st floor, and then came right back out. The way she worded it made me think they went altogether.
Fast forward to the evening, talking to DS, i casually mentioned it and said "Oh so you went to B's house to go to the bathroom?" He said yeah with that sheepish grin he does when he's lying/hiding something, so of course we ask if something happened. He said "no" smiling again. After lots of questions and trying to pull it out of him he said that he went to use the bathroom, and that B's mom gave him a drink of lemonade,but then "B's mom wasn't nice to him", and that she grabbed him. We talked about nice touches/ innappropriate touches/ private parts all that as a reminder, and he said more than once that she touched him in a not nice way grabbing his arm. Then he said it was his dad ? Then he didn't want to tell us more about it. We asked if they said something not nice too, he said yeah, but won't tell us. We've always empsazied to him that we get upset if he doesn't tell us the truth about things, and that we'll never be angry if he tells us the truth. But we can't seem to get it out of him. It's so frustrating! We talked to him about how we need to know to make sure he's safe when we're not with him.
So then the big question of course was where was the babysitter when this was happening? He didn't seem to want to tell us, but finally said she stayed out side- WTH?! She let our son go off with a stranger to use the bathroom? So when I called her to get her side of the story, she admitted that she shouldn't have. She thought it was ok because the mom knew my kids by their name and seemed to be a friend of ours. I knew her only from the playground a couple of times but honestly don't even remember her name! Nor do i know where she lives, nor do I have her number!
I explained that as a a babysitter, she should be with the kids in her care at all times. (She said she was too busy chasing DD around to go in),and that her job was to keep my kids (MY KIDS) safe, and that that woman was a stranger to her, so she should never have let her take MY son. I don't care if he ped in his pants or the bushes (our apartment id on the other end of the complex so that wasn't an option if he couldn't wait). If she had gone with them that would have been fine of course.So, I had to tell sitter that sadly, we weren't comfortable with her working for us...mind you this was only her 3rd day, and even after being so picky and thourough checking references, background etc, I feel like I just failed and hired the wrong person.
Now, how do we find out what really happened if DS won't tell us. I guess I have to wait until I bump into B's mom again..and confront her- how? since I don't have her contact info. How do I ask what happened without accusing her? It's a very awkward situation. I don't want to trust anyone after this.
Update: Babysitter came over to apologize in person. She said she was very sorry and did the wrong thing, and definitely learned from her mistake. She brought the kids some books as gifts. It seemed like she was asking for a second chance. I just told her I just feel like I couldn't trust her.
Do you think I overreacted? Should I have just warned her not to do that, and used it as a teaching moment and clarify my expectations for her. I tend to be too nice to people, and feel like I was too harsh this time- BUT it is about the safety of my children.
