New to Waldorf, how to explain it to my husband?

[ctrygirlatheart]

I am very new (as in started looking at this board and reading about it this week new) to Waldorf and I am wondering how to best explain it to my husband who wants us to be a "normal" family. I can see him being resistant to it because it is too "hippy", his catchall term for anything a little different. In the past I have just kinda tried to slide things in piece by piece under the radar, but that usually just ends with him being resentful of all the changes once he realizes what is going on so I feel the need to be up front with him, although I am not too hopeful that he will be gung ho or even accepting. Any thoughts on this?

My first thoughts at implementing Waldorf in our home life would be finding/creating a pattern to our days/weeks, cutting back on screen time, creating a Christmas idea list for grandparents that puts emphasis on natural toys rather than plastic junk, and starting a nature table. My daughter is 15 mo if any of that helps. Currently reading You are Your Child's First Teacher and have Heaven and Earth on order.

[babygirlsmama]

We are also new to Waldorf, but the way I introduced it to my husband was first to take him to an open house day at a Waldorf School. Let the school do the explaining! I find that he is sometimes more receptive if I simply tell him that I'm very interested in something, and then present the information from a neutral source. If I end up having to explain it all, it gets way more complicated.... If it's a neutral source, he feels free to ask tough questions, explore the issue fully, etc. without offending me.

We later did another tour at a different Waldorf school, and by that time he was very familiar with everything. Now we're doing a parent/infant class, and I made sure he attended the parent meeting, etc.

Not sure if you are thinking of doing Waldorf at home, but even if you are, it might help to let a brick and mortar school do the explaining for you. They usually have regular information sessions, tours, etc.

Good luck!
Babygirlsmama

[Tashakittie]

My dh and I were both raised mostly conventionally, but gravitated towards nature on our own as kids. As parents, we are surrounded, both by community as well as close family, by very much "normalcy." We've always been more hippyish, and that's how we've raised our kids. I was born to be a mother, this is my thing all the way, more than anything else I've ever done. So, with that said, dh gives me the free range to call a lot of the child-rearing decisions. I am more hippy than he is, but he really appreciates the connection to nature our children have, their creativity and imagination capabilities. He loves how simple our life is, and how our children appreciate the beauty in the smallest things. Finding tree frogs in our water collector on the patio fills them with excitement, and makes their day. We've been Waldorf inspired, and it works. Extended family is really not interested, but they don't live with us, yk? I always cite plastic toys as nasty- its not like most of the people in our family really care b/c plastic toys are everywhere, its not concern. Dh leaves the toy buying to me, mostly. He digs sports, so he takes it upon himself to purchase things he deems great for outdoors. As in "normal," we are so eccentric, and not normal-mainstream-American, that we wouldn't even think of raising our kids that way. Normal says kids need to be outdoors, being physical? Well, that's right on for us, everyday. We do lots of arts and crafts and cooking... I think your plans for implementing Waldorf are great. Rhythm is so important- how could dh possibly argue that one? Would it be likely that your dh would read the books along with you, especially if you let him know how much it means to you? Above all, you are looking towards your dd's best interest, and her happiness.

[WednesdayO]

My husband totally called it a "hippie school" at first, but after he went to a puppet show he seemed more curious. Then he went to Waldorf Education Day with me back in January and the main topic was computers... He's a Network Engineer/Capacity Manager, so I think that helped him make the connection between the two worlds, so to speak.

He has seen a difference in DD as she is exposed to certain types of media, and now he even speaks up and doesn't hesitate to explain to others that it could be the reason their children don't play and use their imaginations. (It's sad to me how many parents have told us that.) He also put his foot down with his own parents and told them not to let her watch TV the whole time she's at their house!

He agreed to stop buying plastic a while back, and he does his best to keep the cats away from the nature table.

I'm also at an advantage because I started out in Art Education and am degreed in Early Care & Education, so he trusts my judgment based on my education and professional experiences.

Now if I could just convince him to lay off some of those cleaning supplies he's so fond of....

[ctrygirlatheart]

He isn't much of a reader unfortunately. Now if there was a DVD on Waldorf that would be perfect for him. I guess that would not be very Waldorfy though! So maybe taking him on one of the school tours would be great for him to begin to understand. I am also more, umm, shall we say detailed in my explanations sometimes so if anyone wanted to chime in with say the very basic, most important principles of Waldorf in a concise paragraph, that might be useful to both of us.

It is rather unfortunate isn't it that being in nature, a normal activity for humans, can be seen as so un-normal these days.

[WednesdayO]

Originally Posted by ctrygirlatheart

Now if there was a DVD on Waldorf that would be perfect for him.

There are videos! If you have access to Netflix, there's one called The Waldorf Promise. There are also several on YouTube, and one here for my local school, Emerson Waldorf School, that although it is school specific, might help a little.

[VegMomma]

Originally Posted by WednesdayO

There are videos! If you have access to Netflix, there's one called The Waldorf Promise. There are also several on YouTube, and one here for my local school, Emerson Waldorf School, that although it is school specific, might help a little.

Haha, okay, I just have to be totally OT here, and say that when I clicked on the link to the netflix video, it redirected me to the Canadian site, where, they don't have that video available, but recommended Barney to me. As in, purple dinasour targeted at young children. If you like Waldorf, you'll love Barney!

[zoebird]

i would also ask him what he means by "normal" and what specifically he sees as the underlying values of "normalcy" and why and how he wants to exemplify that.

then, you can have a dialogue.

[WednesdayO]

Originally Posted by VegMomma

Haha, okay, I just have to be totally OT here, and say that when I clicked on the link to the netflix video, it redirected me to the Canadian site, where, they don't have that video available, but recommended Barney to me. As in, purple dinasour targeted at young children. If you like Waldorf, you'll love Barney!

There's something going on there, because when I searched for The Little Twins (you know the animated gnomes), it also showed Barney!... and Race to Witch Mountain!!!

[ctrygirlatheart]

Thanks for the DVD info, will look for it and avoid the scary, annoying purple dinosaur!

zoebird, I have a good understanding of what he means by normal, two newer cars, a house in the suburbs, kid (who is popular) in mainstream school, clothes that are new and not from Goodwill-new, more junk food and processed food in the house, and forget anything eco-friendly. We just seem to have developed this huge yawning gap between his ideal lifestyle and my ideal lifestyle and we are both very passionate (and stubborn) about those ideals. It was very helpful to me to have you remind me to look deeper into what is behind all of that, for both of us.

I think part of it stems from his childhood as he was raised by hippies and grew up in second hand clothes, with less then new cars in a less than perfect house in the country, running around the neighborhood building forts, talking to animals, going in sweat lodges with his parents and going on vacation to the desert and nude hot springs. He just seems to want to do a total 180 from that and I think part of it that he has a very strong desire to want to fit in with people. He is uncomfortable being different and since his friends were always (and still are) more mainstream America it was hard on him as a kid to have a different family. HOWEVER these are my thoughts, not words out of his mouth so I think it would be helpful to us both to dig deeper. Our issues obviously go way deeper than Waldorf and maybe this would help us to work on our other issues.

[lyrebird]

If you have Heaven on Earth on order then perhaps wait till you get that to show him – people might disagree with me but I think it reads a little less prescriptively than You are your child’s first teacher, and is a good one for someone with no background – pretty pictures, lots of boxes in the margins for a quick flick through.
Regarding choosing your child’s education and for that matter deciding what is important in home life, I think you can expect him to dialogue on that – if it is done in an objective way, with the goal of working out what is best for the children (and you both). But I agree with a PP, and especially after your last post, it sounds like you have a few issues to work through. You know your relationship best, but if Waldorf is so important to you think about whether it’s worth turning it into a potential battleground, or whether it’s perhaps better to work through those other issues a bit first. I don’t know – but it might help to be clearer on the whole waldorf approach and what fits for you first (and why). Try journaling a bit first?
I really think you can work on some of your goals for home life relatively easily with a bit of said dialogue until you both find your way a bit more with the whole approach.
Rhythm – I’m sure you can argue for that easily. The benefits for both you and the children. By the way I’m reading a really good book called “Turning Tears into Laughter: creative discipline for the toddler to preschool years” – rhythm is a big part of the approach. (Yes, the author does have a Steiner background).
Emphasis on exposing child to nature – I think also easily argued for but for different reasons. Have a think about it – maybe even think about how you could do this with “mainstream” children and their families.
Replacing plastic non-open ended toys with natural, imagination stimulating toys/things : might be a bit tougher, but look at the stuff on the importance of nourishing the imagination and I’m sure it shouldn’t be too difficult, but you may need to compromise (at least only at first).
Cutting back on screen time at home shouldn’t affect his need to appear normal – it can be done behind closed doors.
And that should get you started initially anyway.
If fitting in is important to your husband then maybe if you find a family or two to socialise with who are a bit Waldorfy then that might help. People might have their prejudices but generally I have found those interested in Waldorf to be very open, friendly and enjoyable people to be around. Your hubby might actually really like them! He can still wear his nice clothes, nothing wrong with that!
Good luck, I hope you find a way of bringing the Waldorf approach to your family in a “palatable” way.

[zoebird]

it is a real opportunity to delve deep into what one means and why when they say that they are looking toward.

i'll give an example. when i went vegetarian, my husband was pretty strongly against it for whatever reasons. namely, he didn't want to be vegetarian (and he still isn't). but instead of listening to me about why i wanted to be vegetarian (and i wasn't asking him to join) he mostly was brushing it off with rather broad strokes like "i just want to be a normal family."

what i questioned him about is what that means, specifically, because even as an omnivore, he wasn't "normal." we followed a whole foods/organic diet, and he was specific on the origins of his meat (traditional foods style). already, this is *very* different from his friends--also omnivores. likewise, my husband rarely--if ever--ate sweets or "junk foods" of any kind, nor did we have them in our house, which was also very different from our mainstream friends.

we discovered that we had 1. shared values about what we wanted in our diets (ie, healthy foods, sourced in specific ways), and 2. shared values about the animals, the environment, etc that we were both seeking to apply via our diets, and 3. that in both ways, even though my husband ate meat, we were still very different from our friends in this regard, and that it did not, in fact, inhibit our relationships with them nor theirs with us.

then, i was able to explain my reasoning, and why i felt compelled to move forward, and he was more accepting of the whole process.

i find it helps.

[ourdayourjourney]

i remember starting off with a similar list, with the addition to singing throughout the day and especially with transitions. some things are simple enough that they maybe do not need too much explaining. you're going to sing when you try and brush your little one's teeth because it makes the activity run smoother. rhythm is a flow to our day. time in nature = fresh air. a nature table are just the things we collected from outside or our walk. limited media = more time to play and quality family time. natural toys as opposed to toys made of plastic chemicals which have millions of lead-paint recalls. open-ended toys for imaginative play.

when i talk to my husband about waldorf or anything, i talked in terms of what my hopes and dreams are for my family and my children.

i am still in the middle of reading simplicity parenting and i really recommend it.

[ctrygirlatheart]

Thanks for all the feedback, we started the bedtime routine recommended in Heaven on Earth and it is actually working for us. I explained it to my husband and he doesn't get the candle thing at all but he did actually read her story to her last night and then I continued with everything else. I have really been pushing for less TV though and we seem to be at odds there. It is the only time she will sit still long enough for him to really get good snuggle time in with her.

[GranolaMum]

My DH was very resistant to the idea of a Steiner school, at first. He went to one or two festivals and said everyone there is a hippy. I explained to him that we are all parents who want the best for our children! The first year my DD was in parent and toddler group, my DH took my DD to the lantern walk festival (I couldn't go) and he brought his laptop with him! The p&t teacher asked him to put it away and when I found out I was mortified!! We laugh about it now.

That was three years ago. And now my DH is totally on board. It took him getting involved with our fund-raisers, helping to do maintenance at the school and even running a Dad's woodworking Saturday to really come around to it all. I think the more he met people he thought were "normal" helped. My DH isn't a reader either and learns things more hands on.

Is their a local school nearby that he could go tour? Or speak to others that follow Waldorf education?

Can your DH and DD find a new activity that they can snuggle together - like reading books? Luckily my DH was on board about no tv before I had even heard of Waldorf. Maybe challenge your DH for 1 week with no tv and see what changes?

My DD is now in kindergarten and when one child in the class has been watching TV, it's amazing how that child brings it back into the class through their play. My DD will come home singing songs like Bob the Builder and she's never seen the show! Good luck!