Did your DP accompany you to 12 wk appt?

[Blanca78]

My 12-week appointment is tomorrow. The doctor told us we could expect to hear the heartbeat. I'm not sure if she plans an ultrasound or not.

My DH isn't sure he can get away from work. He has attended previous appointments at my request (major nerves due to previous loss).

I really hope he can make it, but at the same time I feel pretty confident everything will be okay, so I don't feel as huge of a personal need to have him there. That said, I always fantasized about us hearing the heartbeat for the first time together, and I want him to be as involved as possible every step of the way. I know he is excited about the pregnancy--he is not super emotive but he is super sweet, interested, and supportive.

He works a high stress job and I know it's hard to get away during the day. But at the same time I guess I"m worried we'll both regret it if he isn't there. I just want him to be involved--I'm not sure I understand why he doesn't feel more urgency to get there.

I guess this isn't a super focused question--partly a rant--but wanted to know what you all thought. Did your partners make it to most appointments? How important was it to you that they be there? Did any of you have partners who didn't attend milestone appointments and regret it later? I know he can't attend every appointment, but the 12 week seems like a biggie.

[finnegansmom]

I don't see the 12 week as a biggie, for me anyways.
It's just the first appt in my case and it's questions, maybe trying to listen with the doppler.
My husband has gone to a few ultrasounds, but not all of them. Those are more interesting for him. It might seem more fascinating because all the changes are happening inside your body and it's frustrating to not understand why he might not be as excited as you. My husband came to one appt with my first (one non ultrasound appt) and he was bored and I kind of felt weird having him there. Like I wanted the time to me about ME and give me a chance to talk about how I felt.

My husband really has a tough time grasping the whole pregnancy fascination thing. I mean, he understand that I'm pregnant. I hope he can at least guess at which month I'm due in. He probably doesn't know how many weeks I am, nor what day I conceived. I on the other hand know how pregnant I am in terms of hours. I know what day I ovulated, the weather the night before, the color underwear I wore when I conceived and my basal temp the morning after ovulation.

I'm not making excuses for him but maybe because it's not "real" to him yet it's just harder to get excited? My husband won't get excited until the baby is here. he's never regretted missing an appt, and he actually missed my second son's birth because it happened so quickly. But now he spends lots of time with my boys and takes them to the zoo and playground and beach and changes diapers and wipes bums and reads books and plays Mr mom alot so that is way more important to me than him tagging along on a prenatal visit.

[MaerynPearl]

DH was unable to as we lived so far apart. he was at my 15, 30, 36, 40 and was planning on being at my 42 but that ended up being the day I had her.

It really wasnt a big deal though, even with it being his first baby.

[Blanca78]

Thanks to both of you! I feel better. I just wanted to make sure he wouldn't be missing out on anything big. And like I said, I know he's excited, from the little ways he shows it--it is interesting, though, how differently we are processing this. I can't think about anything else, while it seems a bit more incidental to him.

[tzs]

Originally Posted by finnegansmom

My husband really has a tough time grasping the whole pregnancy fascination thing. I mean, he understand that I'm pregnant. I hope he can at least guess at which month I'm due in. He probably doesn't know how many weeks I am, nor what day I conceived. I on the other hand know how pregnant I am in terms of hours. I know what day I ovulated, the weather the night before, the color underwear I wore when I conceived and my basal temp the morning after ovulation.
.

this was how it was here except that i also am not so big on the pregnancy fascination thing. the first time around i was just so nervous that for me hearing the heartbeat was more of a reassurance than a "moment." and then we don't do ultrasounds so for me appointments were more of a quick check-in. he did come once to meet the doc and that amount or lack of involvement was fine with me. he makes his own work schedule so if he had a job that he had to take off for i would be even less interested in his attendence. there are just sooooo many appointments. i went in once because i was worried about decrease in movement which involved monitoring for an hour or so. for that he went and i would have expected it or felt hurt if he didn't.

[Carolina Kel]

I had my 12-week appointment today and it was... uneventful. Sure, it was super-cool to hear Ninja's heartbeat and know that kiddo hadn't pulled a super-secret ninja escape move, but other than that... A whole lotta nothing.

I would have asked Tryst or RJ to come along to my first appointment, but RJ tipped off Tryst that "They do this thing where they stick this thing in her and it makes this awful crank noise and then put this other thing in her and while you get to see the kid, there's a lot of THINGS up there..." LMAO. Yes, boys, it's called a speculum and a transvaginal ultrasound and they are two of the "joys" of being a girl.

Tryst is going to come along to my 16-week appointment because both he and I would like to know the gender, whereas RJ really doesn't want to know.

I know that it's important to you that your DH is involved, but there's nothing preventing you from taking a recording of the heartbeat with either a mini-cassette recorder or, if you can, your phone. You can both listen to it together later on, and I don't know too many mamas who get tired of hearing that little heartbeat. Failing that, you'll be able to really hear the heartbeat at later appointments, so if your DH isn't able to make it, there will be other opportunities!

[thebigfam]

Big Daddy has made it to one regular appointment and 2 of my 4 ultrasounds... yes 4 and I will not have one again if I do have another baby. anyways. it wasnt a big thing really. He loves that I am having a baby and he loves the little guy already but it isn't really his thing.

Big momma

[javilu]

My husband is a student and adjunct instructor with a fairly reasonable schedule, so I was able to make my appointments around times he could make them, and he attended all of them. I was also super nervous for our early ultrasound, and I know I will be next time, too (especially after a loss), and I am thankful he is able to make it. I found it also helped to bring us closer together and helped me to feel more open about things with him. But like I said, he has a pretty good schedule and didn't have to miss or cancel anything to come with me.

[WifeofAnt]

We didn't have a 12 week appointment. He did come to my 10 week (and first) appointment though where we got our dating ultrasound. He comes to about 1/3 of my appointments now.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by Blanca78

He works a high stress job and I know it's hard to get away during the day. But at the same time I guess I"m worried we'll both regret it if he isn't there. I just want him to be involved--I'm not sure I understand why he doesn't feel more urgency to get there.

I guess this isn't a super focused question--partly a rant--but wanted to know what you all thought. Did your partners make it to most appointments? How important was it to you that they be there? Did any of you have partners who didn't attend milestone appointments and regret it later? I know he can't attend every appointment, but the 12 week seems like a biggie.

DH loved hearing the heartbeat. would you consider rescheduling to a time that he can come? one thing i love about this office is that they are so accomodating of my DH being involved.

[StephandOwen]

Could you call your dp when the dr gets ready to find the heartbeat so he can listen to the whole thing?

[mumma cop kaz]

My DH has been away for four months of this pregnancy, he unfortunately missed out on both our scheduled ultrasounds and has only met our doctor once!! My Doctor knew of his impending deployment at our 11 week appointment and ushered me into a different room so he could take a quick scan and gave DH a pic to take away with him.
I know that when DH gets back in a month ill be on fortnightly appointments and im sure he will make it to those.

[MamaPhD]

DH came to my ultrasounds for my first pregnancy (12wk nuchal & 20wk anatomy scans). He really hates hospitals in general (I think last time he was in one was 14 years ago?) plus I just didn't feel I needed him there at other appts. Actually I think he did come to one other appt to meet the doctor. Ultrasounds are cool, though, cuz DH really felt he could see what is going on inside me! He said it was way cooler than me placing his hand on my belly for sure. For our second preg, having DH there to share the moment with DD during 12wk u/s scan was very nice. We are looking forward to our 20wk u/s scan this Friday and finding out whether DD will have a little sister or brother, so yay!

[Buddhamom]

I guess we are a bit different. Hubby came to all of my visits (regardless of what they were doing) with our first two children and wants to now with the third pregnancy. I was glad because we were at an ultrasound with my oldest and they were suppose to tell me the gender (he was in the waiting room because he didn't want to know) and in fact found that she had Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum so I was glad they ran and got him before talking to me. Everyone id different and so are their lifesyles so what ever you are comfortable is fine. I have a severe needle phobia so hubby needs to be there when I get blood drawn. Luckily I have never had any IVs, epis, or shots during a birth

[Skippy918]

Hubby came and is planning on coming to the u/s appts, but not the general ones. I don't know if he stills feels bad about the u/s he missed when I found out I miscarried. He did come home right away though. The regular appts are really quick so it's not really necessary for me to have him there.

[Twinklefae]

Hubby was there for about the third time we heard the heartbeat last time and it was just as special to him as it was for me.

He was there by coincidence for the first time this go round, and it was special.

[clutterbug]

My Dh has been there both times for the first heartbeat, but we also recorded it...DS1 on our cell phone (which we later lost, without figuring out how to transfer it to something else ) and DS2 we just used our camera on video setting but kept the lens cap on (just cause I really don't need an actual video of my pudgy belly covered in jelly ). Maybe if he's unable to come, you can record it and play it for him afterward

[hollytheteacher]

DH has come with me to every single apt. The way we see it, the baby is in MY body, but it is BOTH of ours so we feel like the apts are for both of us.

The midwife is always going on about how great it is that DH is always there and how we must have such a strong bond...I just think it's normal

Oh, but we do have a great bond

[MyFullHouse]

This is my 4th baby with dh, and he's probably made it to a dozen or fewer appointments/ultrasounds over the years (All of my u/s have been in separate facilities with separate appointments.)

I do try to make as many evening appointments as possible, but so does every other couple, and working moms are going to get top priority for those! Dh works in an industry that isn't always conducive to taking a long lunch or ducking out early, and it's important to both of us that he save his paid time off for when the baby's here. There's nothing we can really do to change that.

We've had a few scares with this pregnancy, and his company has been fine with him taking off to accompany me to the appointments that really mattered in that regard, so that's been helpful.

Otherwise, he's much more helpful and engaged when the babies arrive. Infrequent appointments have never stood in the way of that.

[Blanca78]

Thanks for weighing in, everybody! I like the suggestions of recording the heartbeat (I was never sure how people did that--so it's really loud enough for a cell phone or camera to capture?) or even calling him so he can hear it. We decided he's not gonna go this time--I don't want him to be stressing at work, and I can tell him about it later.