Did your DP accompany you to 12 wk appt? - Page 2

[Twinklefae]

DH has come with me to every single apt. The way we see it, the baby is in MY body, but it is BOTH of ours so we feel like the apts are for both of us.

The midwife is always going on about how great it is that DH is always there and how we must have such a strong bond...I just think it's normal

Oh, but we do have a great bond

: We have a great bond too, but not everybody gets paid when when they take time off work, or is able to at all without risking their job, and we like to eat too.

[teeg1973]

I have not read the other posts, so perhaps I am in the minority here...

My DH has only come to the 20 week ultrasound with DD1. I would have liked it if he could have made it to our level 2 ultrasound with this babe (DD2), but he couldn't. I haven't really even thought to ask him to any of my other appointments....of course he would be welcome if he wanted, but not always so easy to work around work issues. I have had 4 losses, all requiring D and C's and he did make it to those, I think. I guess I am just kind of used to doing this type of thing on my own....

Hope you are getting the support you want and need from your DH....and although it might look different in different relationships, tha is what is important, IMO!

Tracy

[Blanca78]

Originally Posted by teeg1973

Hope you are getting the support you want and need from your DH....and although it might look different in different relationships, tha is what is important, IMO!

Tracy

Thanks. I totally am--he's wonderful and I'm so in love. But I can definitely tell he's processing things differently. I know he's excited but he's not as expressive about it as I am--he shows it in little ways--and I think that perhaps the idea of the appointment is just not quite as big of a deal to him.

[annaconda]

Blanca, first of all, I"m sorry about the high stress job. My DH has the same thing. Yesterday was our first apt ever and we had to take separate cars "in case he got a 911."

So first of all I hear you and it sucks. We were too early for the doppler, and they had to schedule the dating u/s for later this week.

I think he'll try to make it to that one it's super early in the am, but that's always tbd b/c of work. We have a strong bond, he wants to be there, but in the grand scheme of things, it's so much more important to me that he learns to work with me to prepare to be my primary labor assistant.

I think he'll make it to the 20 wk and that's the only u/s they do. They wouldn't even do the one later this week except my LMP would say that I'm like halfway through my pregnancy or something at this point which is obviously not true.

So I hear you and I sympathize. It's hard when you both do want to be there and something dumb like work gets in the way. That said, I expect that DH won't be able to come to the majority of the appointments, but I know he's excited and pulling for me and wants to know all about it.

(((((((Hugs)))))))

[Maprilynne]

Oh, . . . interesting. My huby doesn't come to appointments with me because I think they are boring for the most part. He is a super wonderful dad and hubby and amazing labor partner, and we talk about my pregnancies all the time as home, but he watches the other kids when i go to appointments. I think he's come to maybe half of my ultrasounds, but that is a little different as my dad does them.

I didn't think we were abnormal. Good to know.

[hollytheteacher]

Originally Posted by Twinklefae

: We have a great bond too, but not everybody gets paid when when they take time off work, or is able to at all without risking their job, and we like to eat too.

Not sure why you are directing that at me...OP asked and I responded...I didn't say your dh HAS to go with you to have a great bond, i'm just stating what my midwife said. She was happy to see him and thought it was great that he came.
Nowhere did i judge people whose dh's don't go or say that you should go without eating

[Sihaya]

I know you've already had your appt, but I wanted to share. For us this time, the 12 week appt was a big one. We had two previous losses and this was going to be our first chance to listen with the doppler (we only used the fetoscope with DS). We had an u/s at 7 weeks which DH did come to, but he didn't attend my initial (4 week) or 8 week appts. In the end, he did not come to the 12 week appt and neither of us regret it at all.

With DS, DH attended every mw appt (in our home) except one and we both liked it that way. But, for me, my OB appts were just so boring and uneventful compared to the mw appts that it wasn't as important for DH to be there. Now that I've "graduated" from OB care and am switching back to my hb mw, DH will be attending all of my appts from here on out. Much easier because our mw comes to our house and has most of her appts on Saturday or weeknights and we don't need to find childcare for DS.

[myk]

the only dr's appointment DH went to is the one where we got the results of the quad screen, because we knew it was a positive screen, but wanted to find out exactly what. he also came to the amnio. i very much doubt he'll be attending anything else

[clutterbug]

Originally Posted by Blanca78

I like the suggestions of recording the heartbeat (I was never sure how people did that--so it's really loud enough for a cell phone or camera to capture?) or even calling him so he can hear it.

Yup! And there is a volume control on the Doppler (I'm pretty sure, at least) so you can have them turn the volume up a little if you think it might be too low to hear on video/recording. With our first, we had a crappy little cell phone, we recorded on it and then help the cell phone up to the land line to play it to DH's parents' voice mail - it even carried over that fine

[geekgolightly]

Unless there is a true emergency, my DH won't be attending any of the appointments. He is in rotations for his PharmD and can only miss five days for the entire year, or he flunks.

Even if I go into labor while he is in a rotation, I won't ask that he attend unless it looks like I might actually deliver. If I have to be hospitalized, he will visit me in the evenings only, if possible. We have our son to worry about, too.

I want it this way. I definitely do not want him to have to repeat the entire year. We need for him to start earning money!

[Blanca78]

Recorded the HB on both cell phone and digital camera. It came through clearly, and he was pretty wowed! It was so sweet--later that night he laid his hand on my belly and just spontaneously said, "I want to feel the baby kicking NOW!" I feel like hearing the hb probably helped make it more real for him, too, and it wasn't a big deal that he wasn't at the appt.

[spatulagirl]

My DH doesn't come to appointments with me. He will probably come to one or two, to reacquaint himself with the midwife but that is enough for him. Personally, I find the appointments boring so why would I want him there? I bring all the kids with me as he goes to work.

If I were worried about something or we were finding our big news, he would be there.

[clutterbug]

Originally Posted by Blanca78

Recorded the HB on both cell phone and digital camera. It came through clearly, and he was pretty wowed! It was so sweet--later that night he laid his hand on my belly and just spontaneously said, "I want to feel the baby kicking NOW!" I feel like hearing the hb probably helped make it more real for him, too, and it wasn't a big deal that he wasn't at the appt.

YAY! I totally think it's just as special whether it's "live" or not And now you both have the recording to listen to over and over!

ETA: This inspired me to pull up the recording of DS2's first heartbeat...now I am sitting here crying Thanks a lot! :P