out of state visitation

[sagewinna]

Hi!

My ex just told me he is moving out of state ( a few states away, actually) next year. I am the custodial parents, I have sole physical and we have joint legal custody. He has our 2 kids EOW and for some holidays.

DD will be 14 if he moves when he says he is going to.My oldest will be 17. He wants to talk, he is suggesting having her the entire summer, he knows my son will probably be working and stuff by then. He doesn't want to have them for holidays or anything, just the summer.

Is it customary to visit the entire summer? She has not been with him longer than 3 nights, and she gets homesick... I want to support their relationship but I am not sure he is being terribly realistic about how she'll do and I would like some non-school time for us to go on vacation in the summer too...

We have had parenting conflicts before, his wife was slapping the kids in the face when she didn't like what they were doing some years back (I reacted strongly and it stopped there), and they both tend to belittle and tease in a mean way to get their point across. She has told my son that she doesn't enjoy being around dd for more than a little while. I am worried about dd being so far from me in a potentially unhealthy situation.

She is excited about visiting him there, she is apprehensive about going for a long visit though.

Once we get closer to it, I will see a lawyer and have something legal drawn up. Everything has been verbal since the divorce 12 years ago. I just have visions of her freaking out or being treated unkindly and having no recourse because she is so far away.

So, yeah. What is customary and reasonable visitation for a parent who moves out of state? I am assuming I would be expected to pay half the transportation costs.

[Minxie]

As I understand it, the parent who moves away pays the transportation costs. Also if you have nothing in writing currently, you need to see a lawyer NOW. If you wait until closer to next summer, you run the risk of not being able to get it done especially if you have to go to court. Interstate cases take MUCH longer to resolve; do it now while he is still available to you.

[JunipersMom]

I would tell him 2 weeks max - its not fair that you dont get any not in school time because he moved away. Summer is a great time with kids and she will be grown and away from home soon - you deserve summertime with your children as well. Talk to your lawyer.

[MissLotus]

Do not give him the entire summer. As JunipersMom said, you will also want free time with your children and to do vacation things. If you want to give him some weeks but you feel your daughter will be upset by the length of time, request that the weeks be non-consecutive. He could still travel to your state once or twice over the summer to visit (if he expects his child to do it, he should be willing to do it).

[meemee]

yup IRL its pretty common. i know quite a few mom who have their kids all year except summer.