worried about how dd is treated by other kids

[rainbringer]

Dd 7 (ASD) has gotten really interested in playing with other kids in the past year. She plays well with 3-4 year old girls and tries to play with other girls but usually can't follow along with their play too well. Still runs away sometimes screaming in terror from boys (sigh -working on that).

Most kids at the park respond well to her. But one girl (A) in our homeschool group does not like her, ignores everything dd says to her, walks away if dd comes toward her. I don't expect everyone to like each other, but because we see A often and she is a leader among the girls in that 4-8 year old group, I'm really feeling worried by it. dd can't pick up on the signals that this girl doesn't want to play with her, and just keeps trying. There are only a few girls in this group so they tend to follow A's lead and ignore dd also. A is friendly to everyone except dd.

I'm feeling like we might be better off to avoid events where A will be. I don't like to see dd's efforts to be friendly rejected over and over. Any thoughts?

[SpottedFoxx]

No one likes to see their child left out. However, this is part of life - special needs or not. The problem is - she's not picking up on the social cues. I'd like to hear what parents of older children with ASD have to say and how they handled it. Poor girl.

[APToddlerMama]

How old is the other girl? I'm assuming around your daughter's age? I would think about approaching the girl's mom if you feel comfortable doing so. They are still pretty young so I don't think some gentle parent intervention would be out of the ordinary. The other girl is being plain rude.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama

How old is the other girl? I'm assuming around your daughter's age? I would think about approaching the girl's mom if you feel comfortable doing so. They are still pretty young so I don't think some gentle parent intervention would be out of the ordinary. The other girl is being plain rude.

Particularly since the other girls follow her example.

[Linda on the move]

I agree about talking to the mom if at all possible.

Have you checked into a social skills class for your DD? It was very helpful to my DD (who is also on the spectrum). It was expensive and insurance didn't pay for it, but was very worthwhile. One of the things they worked on was picking up social cues.

How does your DD do in situations with other kids that are orgnaized, like girl scouts or something? Situations with clearly defined leaders, rules, etc have always worked better for my DD than open ended play, such a homeschool park days.

[rainbringer]

Thanks for the replies, lots to think about.

SpottedFox - true, no one likes to be left out - I wonder how much I should put her in a situation like that though - as an adult I avoid places where people don't talk to me, and I'm not sure dd is learning anything socially from it

Talking to the girl's mom. I'm thinking about this but not sure if that's the direction I want to take. I suspect it might make it worse or A would just hide it better.

We have tried a few social skills classes without getting much out of it. I am kind of skeptical of them helping at this point but am still trying (what else can you do?) and starting a new one in a couple of weeks.

Structured settings until recently have brought out the worst in dd, fortunately that is starting to change. We might try girl scouts.

Also have been running into an adult who is unkind to dd - having trouble dealing with the pain I feel about both these situations.