Anxiety over homebirth

[lovebeingamomma]

I've had two natural hospital births and will be having a homebirth this time. I'm feeling so much anxiety. I don't want anyone to do anything to me. I don't want to go to pre-natal apt's, I don't want blood drawn, I don't want birth assistants telling me I HAVE to be still to get a heartbeat reading...uhhhg, I just don't' want anything. I want to UC, but that makes me anxious as well! I don't really know what i'm asking, just any experience with this type of anxiety? I will be having a homebirth with a midwife, can't change that, took enough to get my husband to agree to a homebirth.

[Almi]

What is it about having a homebirth that's making you anxious? What are your fears?

[lovebeingamomma]

It's pre-natal care & tests, and having to decide about Penicillin for GBS, and then the stress of having to worry about calling the midwife at the right time, and having strangers in my house following me around...I just want everyone to leave me alone. I wished for an accidental UC last time and I'm hoping for the same this time. Maybe I've just anxious in general, I don't want to even think about being pregnant. This was a surprise pregnancy.

[Almi]

If you don't want any interventions, and you feel fine and your intuition tells you everything is going fine, don't get any. Don't listen to people who tell you that you "NEED" professional prenatal care. Prenatal care can easily be done by yourself, and mostly consists of eating a good diet and taking good care of yourself.

Why do you have a midwife if you want to birth unassisted? I'm just like you, I want to be LEFT ALONE while I am in labor and giving birth. I cannot handle people talking to me and/or touching me when I am in pain/discomfort. I'd get angry and stressed out pretty fast if that were to happen. I also am uncomfortable with my bits being on display for anyone besides people I am close to and trust. This does not include a midwife. I would never be able to develop a trusting relationship with a midwife or get that close to one, in just a few months. I don't even want my closest friends there for my birth. (Why would I want doctors and nurses I don't know running around me?)

I would say the best thing to do about your anxiety is to make sure you're getting what you want. Maybe that includes getting your husband to support you. I'd probably be pretty darn anxious if my DP didn't support my choices 100%, and I was being pressured into doing things I didn't want to do. If anyone does anything to your body that you do not want done, I consider it rape. Hospitals are pretty good at giving a woman a good birth rape.

[lovebeingamomma]

the reason for the midwife is because I really don't feel like I'd be able to discern what's norm and what's not during labor, how much is too much blood, I don't even know how to resuscitate a baby. So it's just peace of mind, but it's not really feeling peaceful! I've only had one conversation with my midwife, I need to talk to her again. I want to feel supported, I know I can refuse anything, but I don't want to have someone at my birth who I know doesn't support my decisions. I talked to my husband in tears today, he seems fine with my approach, of not doing anything unless there's a clear indicated problem. So no GD test, no GBS test, no ultrasound, no vag exams or any interventions, and I'm going to ask if I can cut my pre-natal apt's in half, I just feel like there's no point to so many apt's. I'm really of the mindset that pre-natal apt's don't change the outcome of the birth, so if anything these apt's will just help me get to know the midwife better. And hopefully I won't be breech, because then I'll have to find another midwife because this midwife doesn't do them. Uhg, birth should not be this complicated. Thanks for the thoughts.

[southernmommie]

I completely agree. Birthing shouldn't be so complicated. And it doesn't have to be. Follow your intuition. It's perfectly okay to change your mind at the last minute!

[AZgirl2207]

I think a very open conversation with your midwife is in order. Let her know exactly what you need from her. Maybe that means she reads a book in the living room while you birth in the bedroom--she's there to help but only at your request.

I am not comfortable with UC (for myself, that is) so my hands off midwife fits my needs. We have refused all testing (except an initial bloodwork panel). I have been upfront with her about how I would prefer her to be in the background during the birth and MW is totally fine with that.

[Almi]

I agree, I don't think prenatal care affects the outcome of a birth at all in most cases. For me, prenatal care has helped me decide whether I feel safe birthing unassisted or not. It has pretty much been peace of mind. As long as everything goes okay and I still feel confident, I'm definitely doing UC all the way. On the other hand, if I need to birth in the hospital, I need to birth in the hospital.

I agree with AZgirl, definitely have a talk with your midwife about how you're feeling.

[craft_media_hero]

Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma;15943534[B

I want to feel supported, I know I can refuse anything, but I don't want to have someone at my birth who I know doesn't support my decisions. I talked to my husband in tears today, he seems fine with my approach, of not doing anything unless there's a clear indicated problem. So no GD test, no GBS test, no ultrasound, no vag exams or any interventions, and I'm going to ask if I can cut my pre-natal apt's in half, I just feel like there's no point to so many apt's. I'm really of the mindset that pre-natal apt's don't change the outcome of the birth, so if anything these apt's will just help me get to know the midwife better.

We had this.

Tell you midwife the bold, and if she doesn't like it, then yes, find another midwife!

We had everything you said, no US, no testing, no vag exams during the labor (I had two at my request in the last few weeks just 'coz I was concerned about "going early"). MW did legally have to check heart tones, which caused me some anxiety each time (I knew my baby was fine; I could feel him kicking through the birth, and the heart checks just freaked me out for some reason).

They didn't follow me around my home; gave me and dh tons of privacy (even leaving a couple of times to go get coffee, etc), and only made suggestions from time to time (which I took and did help because there was this point where I "didn't know what to do" ).

So it is possible.

To solve the pre-natals quandary, I didn't seriously start seeking a mw unti 20 wks and had our first pn at 25 weeks, then once/mo after and of course more frequently toward the end. One way to look at that is that you won't feel like you have strangers in your home if you spend the time getting to know your mw.

I totally relate, though. I wanted a UC, too, and compromised for my hub, which was okay with me. The only thing I didn't like was at the end my mw got all frantic that I needed to push the baby out coz his head skin was white and she thought he was off oxygen (he was fine, which my intuition told me, but he just has very pale skin ), and I wanted more time to "stretch" but hey it was the difference between like 5 minutes and maybe 8 so no big deal---I understand she was doing her job which is to insure a healthy baby and mama at the end of the day.

Also, she was a bit fussy about the placenta being delivered right away (I mean within like five minutes), and I woulda been okay with an hour or so . . . and waving O2 in front of him when he was obviously hollering/breathing just fine . . . okay, so it wasn't my perfect UC, but again, she was doing her job which was keeping us safe.

Otherwise, we love our hb mw!!

I say just be very direct, that's what I did. Our mw knew from the beginning (coz I told her) that my ideal birth was just me and dh in the shower and she respected that and did everything she could to help us be as close to that as possible.

[lovebeingamomma]

Thank you for your kind and helpful words everyone.

[lovebeingamomma]

So I did a little more research on GBS & GD testing. With the GD testing the ACOG doesn't even recommend that I test! And I was feeling crazy for wanting to refuse it. I'm 24, no prior history, etc. And with the GBS, what I found in multiple articles is that the incident of antibiotic resistant infection increases with use of antibiotics, so it seems there's just as much chance of my baby dying from using penicillin as is from not using it if I'm GBS positive. Again, was feeling like I'm crazy but my decisions make perfect sense.

If I don't want them to use a doppler do they still get a heartbeat rate with using the fetascope or is that just to hear the heartbeat? I'm feeling so drawn to UC but trying to make this midwife assisted birth as close as possible.

[dayiscoming2006]

Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma

If I don't want them to use a doppler do they still get a heartbeat rate with using the fetascope or is that just to hear the heartbeat? I'm feeling so drawn to UC but trying to make this midwife assisted birth as close as possible.

I'd think they should be able to get a heart rate with the fetoscope. They just have to count it out.

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma

So I did a little more research on GBS & GD testing. With the GD testing the ACOG doesn't even recommend that I test! And I was feeling crazy for wanting to refuse it. I'm 24, no prior history, etc. And with the GBS, what I found in multiple articles is that the incident of antibiotic resistant infection increases with use of antibiotics, so it seems there's just as much chance of my baby dying from using penicillin as is from not using it if I'm GBS positive. Again, was feeling like I'm crazy but my decisions make perfect sense.

If I don't want them to use a doppler do they still get a heartbeat rate with using the fetascope or is that just to hear the heartbeat? I'm feeling so drawn to UC but trying to make this midwife assisted birth as close as possible.

Care to link the articles about GBS? I'm in Europe where GBS screening is not routine in any case, but after reading about GBS a lot, I have to admit that I started wondering why I did not have a test done.

I agree about talking to your midwife. I had a midwife at my first birth, and I avoided the conversation about being supportive of my choices mostly because she's the only HB midwife here . I did not have a terrible birth, but she did lots of things that I definitely did not want, and that could have been dangerous for the baby. If you have the option to get a great, supportive MW, who is as hands off as possible, that's great. Perhaps your current midwife can meet your needs - but you need to have that conversation to know .

[lovebeingamomma]

this is long but worth reading, seems un-biased:

http://www.preciouspassage.com/treat...up_b_strep.htm