Sigh, such a complicated situation :( all advice and hugs welcome - Page 2

[Butterflykate]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

I just read your last update, so...

try to find a therapist who specializes in GLBTQ issues. The special needs do seem to add a layer of concern. I can see how a trans group may not provide you with the kind of support you need because of your daughter's other issues. I really think you guys have such a multi-layered situation that a professional probably is warranted.

Already on that, we went to a specialist a few years ago dealing in gender/sexuality issues when there was a lot of confusion about why Miss 21 had no sexual desire or attraction, and Miss 21 will be going back, I will wait for then on if we should be going to a support group etc, as it may just not be the right thing (as I was told on the phone!)

Apparently sometimes seeing other people "too" comfortable with their choice can make someone like my Miss 21 who is still confused and not so comfortable go into depression!! <- Keep a note of this people as I had no idea!!!-> It all comes down to how comfortable the individual is with themselves.

I am very close to Miss 21, I think because she is my only special child. I have already spoken to the independent living programme people and they "seem" ok with it all, I was worried for a while they would throw him out of the programe but I think they may not be allowed to,

The only thing I am very scared about now is dealing with his father (not my current partner) I think I know how this will go, and I already feel sorry for Miss 21.

I thought long and hard about making sure Miss 21 knows that its ok with me, I think part of the problem I have here is that she is to afraid to visit me now shes told me! (Suppose to be today) Not sure how yet!

I'm thinking maybe this year I will have to do something extra special for Miss 21's birthday and Christmas seeing as they are a few days apart. Any suggestions welcome.

Thank you all for your support

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

I just read your last update, so...

try to find a therapist who specializes in GLBTQ issues. The special needs do seem to add a layer of concern. I can see how a trans group may not provide you with the kind of support you need because of your daughter's other issues. I really think you guys have such a multi-layered situation that a professional probably is warranted.

:

glad the introduction to your 2 and 7 yos have gone well!

[Oubliette8]

Did your daughter ask you to tell her father? If you haven't discussed it, I would hold off. She may want to tell him herself, or in her own way, or perhaps not tell him at all. Coming out is process for most people. I identify as trans and some people know, and some people don't. It sounds like telling her father will be hard, and she might be intentionally holding off on it. I would ask her exactly how "out" she wants to be right now, and who you can tell. Many people confide in a friend or family member, but still expect it to be kept confidential, and to be allowed to tell others on their own terms.

[Butterflykate]

Hey there Oubliette, Miss 21 has asked me to inform her father, and I think part of it is because shes afraid of her father, she would rather he knows before he finds out. Which I think knowing the man I can understand that one.

Edit: I have began calling Miss 21 a Miss 21! With she and her pronouns!!! Haven't I done well, I'm not even thinking about it anymore!

[Maluhia]

Also: make sure a good therapist is helping her with transition. I had a case study in a class once where a female was transitioning to male who had aspergers, turns out she was gay and in her autistic mind if you "liked" girls you must be a boy, so she began to transition. When she realized that you could be a girl and like girls it was like a whole new world, so a good LGBT therapist can really help be aware of the issues that come with public gender transition and possible implications with autisim as well.

[Butterflykate]

Originally Posted by Maluhia

Also: make sure a good therapist is helping her with transition. I had a case study in a class once where a female was transitioning to male who had aspergers, turns out she was gay and in her autistic mind if you "liked" girls you must be a boy, so she began to transition. When she realized that you could be a girl and like girls it was like a whole new world, so a good LGBT therapist can really help be aware of the issues that come with public gender transition and possible implications with autisim as well.

As posted above! I'm 100% making sure she does, but we are not going to rush off to the therapist straight away but let her deal with her own thoughts first, as Miss 21 hates changes going very fast. So I will let her go at her own pace, therapist at this point is set for early next month

I hope I'm doing everything right.

[sapphire_chan]

: Being accepting, but not pushing, sounds like a balancing act, and it sounds like you're doing it very well.

I think there is the potential for pain in your child from all this, but I don't think anything you're doing or not doing will cause it.

(Based on very limited reading about/talking with transgendered people about what their families did/did not do and how it affected them.)

[Butterflykate]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

: Being accepting, but not pushing, sounds like a balancing act, and it sounds like you're doing it very well.

I think there is the potential for pain in your child from all this, but I don't think anything you're doing or not doing will cause it.

(Based on very limited reading about/talking with transgendered people about what their families did/did not do and how it affected them.)

I know there will be tough times ahead, I just want to do the best I canand be as supportive as I can, and not add to those tough times Thank you for your kidn words

[Butterflykate]

Just thought I would post an update that all is working out wonderfully! things have been so much smoother than I could have ever imagined and we are now working with the support agencies to make sure they involve only encouraging and open people in there support and care for my angel.

Thank you all of you who offered support.