Update to My H just told me about his affair... - Page 2

[ImaSophie]

OP you deserve so much more from a spouse then what he is giving you, my spouse would KILL for twice a week! That is a lot IMO.

[batlvr]

I couldn't read this and not reply. I have been in your shoes. 8 years ago my xh had an affair with a teenager because he felt our marriage was over (when did he plan to tell me that?) I walked in on them together, literally, she went running for the bathroom and he stood there in the nude telling me nothing was going on. Uhm - ok. My advice to you is just to let him go. He needs to leave, you do not need this in your life for one more second. You will move on, you will recover, your children will see by your example that no one should treat another person this way. You forgive and you FORGET and you get the absolute best revenge there is, living your life and finding happiness and peace. I know all too well how deeply painful it is when you find out you've been cheated on but I also know how beautiful life can be and that you do not need to stay with a cheating spouse for any reason. Sending you tons of hugs, this is not by any means an easy road to take but I think that you deserve happiness and security in your life and he is not it anymore.

[APToddlerMama]

I just have a second here. First...hugs. Also I just wanted to suggest that you check out the smartmarriages.com website. It will give you some other perspectives to consider as you make your decision on whether to stay or go. I don't think there really is a right answer. I'd look for a GOOD therapist right away and be very gentle with yourself. And--twice a week! Wow. Try twice a month if he's lucky and I'm not even breastfeeding anymore.

[*MamaJen*]

Originally Posted by coryy

Keep in mind that he may have ulterior motives...like he might have only told you because she broke up with him, and you were his fallback plan.

This is what I was thinking. And I agree, he sounds (clinically) like a narcissist.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Wishing you strength in a difficult time.

[MissLotus]

Originally Posted by cnfusd

Last night he told me that as usual I have made him feel unloved and unwanted as I was putting kids to bed… …

Wait.

He admitted cheating on you, and now you're supposed to make him feel loved and wanted?

Did you laugh into his lying, selfish face?

Oh and by the way he complained about this while you were taking care of the children - which he should have been helping with?!

Why - OP, truly, WHY would you want to stay with someone that has not an ounce of respect for you? Aren't you worried about STDs? Aren't you furious with him for putting you at risk? You tell him that all you want is reassurance that he isn't communicating with this other woman? Is that really all you need right now? All you think you deserve?

Because to even consider going another day, I would need him to be on his knees, sincerely asking for forgiveness - I would need him to be going immediately to the nearest clinic to be tested for STDs and for him be urging me to do the same, because he'd care about my health. I'd need him to show me that he appreciated my contributions to the family and was actively trying to show that he wants to make things easier for me. I'd need him to be pro-active about setting up counseling, to show he was serious about change. And I'd need him to respect my feelings enough to know that I'd need space after such a horrible revelation... and that he would understand if I could not find it in my heart to forgive or trust him again. Because he would realize the gravity of what he did.

But: Your husband isn't sorry. Not one bit. Men who regret cheating do not come home and immediately demand affection from the person they cheated on - that is crazy! So yes, you are being taken for a fool and knowing what he is now, it would indeed be foolish to continue as things are.

This person is disgusting, but he can only keep treating you like a lowlife if you continue to let him.

[NolaRiordan]

Originally Posted by MissLotus

Because to even consider going another day, I would need him to be on his knees, sincerely asking for forgiveness - I would need him to be going immediately to the nearest clinic to be tested for STDs and for him be urging me to do the same, because he'd care about my health. I'd need him to show me that he appreciated my contributions to the family and was actively trying to show that he wants to make things easier for me. I'd need him to be pro-active about setting up counseling, to show he was serious about change. And I'd need him to respect my feelings enough to know that I'd need space after such a horrible revelation... and that he would understand if I could not find it in my heart to forgive or trust him again. Because he would realize the gravity of what he did.
.

Yes, absolutely to all this. In fact I think I would let him know that these are minimum requirements for you to consider staying in the marriage.

Honestly, my hunch is that he's done. He's just trying to make you miserable enough that you'll finally say it's over. Because he doesn't have the guts. And then he takes none of the responsibility. I'm sorry but I've seen this all before.

Hugs to you and your dear children.

[anon_abroad]

Turn the other cheek and pretend everything is peachy? No way hosay!
I can't be partial here. You have been working, raising two kids and running a house hold without his help. How can you feel loving and sexy towards someone who just dumped/s all of the responsibility on you all the time and filled you with fatigue and resentment?
His penis doesn't deserve you!

[coryy]

How are you doing today, hon?

you can pm me if you need to.