How to manage my 18 month old and 1 month old??

[LaurenH10]

Hi everyone! I'm posting this from my iPhone while nursing so I apologize if it's a little sloppy! So I just had DD2 on Sep 2nd which I'm super happy about! My DD1 has just turned 18 months old and for the past 17 months has been #1 until now. I love my DD1 more than anything but lately she has really been testing my patience! I understand that she's not used to having me 100% of te time and it has to be hard for her but that doesn't mean that I can just let her get away with acting out and not minding me at all! She literally has been doing the exact opposite of what I tell her to and just really seems like a different kid! I feel so bad for my newborn because the entire time I'm trying to nurse her I'm having to get onto DD1 and I feel it's not fair that DD2 is not getting my full attention like her sister did. I know my lack of sleep has really made it harder too because I'm a lot less patient lately and I'm trying to work on it. I've been going out of my way to give DD1 as much attention as I can but it still doesn't seem to be working and when I tell her no she either runs and does something else she knows she's not supposed to (and I know this because she looks at me the entire time and smiles like it's a game!) or just ignores me and keeps doing it because she knows it's hard for me to get up while nursing. I just don't know how much more I can take! I'm constantly stressed out from it and I just want to be the best Mom I can be for both of the girls but at the same time I'm only one person! Do any of you have any advice on how to survive this stage? I can only say no so many times before I'm just wasting my breath and feeling defeated!

[firewoman]

Oh my! Hugs mama. That is so hard. Unfortunately the only way to get past this stage is to walk THROUGH it. There is no easy fix for this. It is completely normal for the 18 month to be testing your limits anyway and add on a new sibling and of course she is feeling put upon. I have always said that going from one to two was the hardest. That is, until I went from 4 to 5! The reason I think jumping from one child to two is so difficult is because now you have to juggle and it isn't just double the work...oh no! It is kids squared! As the baby grows and gets into more of a routine, so will your older daughter and things will mellow out. For now, is there someone who can come help you for an hour or two everyday ..... or maybe even longer? Can you enlist the help of grandparents, friends, neighbors? It would help to get the 18 month old out for a walk in the morning so maybe someone could take her to get some exercise while you and the baby catch some extra zzz's. Then when she gets home you can spend some extra time with her. I think she just needs patience and you need more help.

And congrats on the new baby!!!

[confustication]

My boys are a little closer- at 14 months apart. Really, the only way through this is time. Since you are not going to change your older child, and you say you are finding that you have to say 'no' a lot, you need to rethink how your home is setup and run. Make it a safe place where there really aren't any 'nos'.

Get outside and let your older child run off some energy- newborns can be worn very easily and you can chase the older child as necessary to keep up. My 2 yo needs *at least* three hours a day of gross motor activity- preferably outside. Walks, trips to the park- all those things help. For crummy days, we have an indoor climber in the living room (also our playroom).

At just a month pp, you are probably still recovering, so grab a chair, find a fenced yard and sit down whenever you can. Hand over lots of responsibility to your partner- night wakings, diaper changes, meal prep- just focus on nursing and playing with the kids- and sleeping whenever you can!

My youngest is now one, and my older child is two- since they can play together, it has become much easier than it was, but it's a different challenge now as they are both mobile and neither of them listen. Thank goodness for childproofing.

[just_lily]

Pick a room in your house and super baby proof it. Make sure it has a comfy chair for you to nurse in. Block it off so your older child can't escape. Hang out in there a lot.

Kids just know when you are busy and can't get to them, and take that as the opportunity to act up. So when you sit down to nurse make sure you are in that space so there isn't as much trouble for your DD to get into.

And FWIW, it was just a little after 18mo that something started to click in my DD and she became more verbally redirectable. Before that I had to physically remove her every time, and that gets really exhausting. So hopefully you will start to see some natural improvement very soon.

[LaurenH10]

Thank you for the responses! It's encouraging to know I will survive this from Moms who have been through it! Some days I feel like I might just spontaneously combust! haha I wish I had more family to help out but there is really only my Mom and she lives a few hours away and works so it's not as much as I would like. She's actually coming tomorrow though so I am super excited to have a breather! We live in a condo so there's no yard but I'm actually in the process of setting up our garage as a play room for all the big toys so hopefully she will burn off some steam in there! I have the house baby proofed but I guess I'll just have to start locking us up in her room while I nurse or something. In the main living space I mainly just have problems with her climbing on the back of the couch and I'm afraid she's going to break her arm if she falls off. Hopefully she'll get it out of her system in the garage! If anyone has anymore advice I would love to hear it!

[confustication]

I can absolutely relate to the fear of falls- my son had taken to climbing the furniture- which is why I have a living room that is more playroom than living room these days.

It gets a bit easier as the little one becomes mobile- until then, do you have a Moby wrap or anything of that sort?

[redvlagrl]

Ekkkk. I feel your pain. Mine are 18 mths apart. Honestly, it's just really really hard for the beginning. I needed to have somewhere safe to put the baby down (play pen, bouncy seat behind gate) so that I could help DD. I also found if i thought things out (like logisticallly how do I get to the car without DD running into the street?) it really helped.

No great advice but things are a lot better once the baby isn't so tiny and helpless. DS is now 5 months and more robust so i worry less. DD is also now used to him and does what she's told. I think she was trying to get attention by doing the opposite of what i wanted.

Can you snuggle your older child while you nurse the LO?

[CherryBombMama]

i am so in the same boat as you! ds1 is 18 months, ds2 is 6 weeks. some days are good, some days are bad, most days are just ok. i have found that if i wake up before they do, and get just a few minutes of "myself" time (which i usually spend on MDC ) i usually have patience for the day. usually.

i also wear ds2 in the ergo almost all day.

and even though im DEAD TIRED, when ds2 is asleep, i spend every second of that time with ds1. i over do it with the attention, i go outside and run around with him, throw him in the air, play ball, kiss and hug him ... lots and lots of attention, so hopefully he will understand that even though baby needs lots of my attention right now, he is not forgotten.