Houskeeping-- What is acceptable/not acceptable? - Page 5

[mamaofthree]

something i have been pondering as i was reading thru this thread. it is about two different homes i have spent alot of time in over the last 24 years or so.
first is my MIL house. she is now in her 80's. her house is very very tidy. per dh it has always been that way. the kids rooms could be as nasty as they wanted but the main living space (living, kitchen, bathroom, dining room) were always spotless. i mean so clean you would not even worry about your kid eating off the bathroom floor. lol and the general feeling in the house was one of calmness and comfort and relaxed. i mean she has no issues at all with letting the grandkids pull out the toys she has in her house (a few dolls, cars, blocks and books) she loves to have people over and she is always relaxed and you just feel it. it is so nice to go to her place.
now the house i grew up in and how my parents live to this day is very cluttered (not horder by any stretch) just alot of stuff doesn't have a place. bills pile up on the dinner table, magazines are all over the place. just this general feel of chaos. now the house was never dirty. we did weekly chores (bathrooms, floors, general house cleaning like dusting etc) and daily chores like dishes. our rooms were not allowed to get really messy (like weekly cleaning) it wasn't like the house was dirty, just cluttered and had a feeling of chaos, like nothing had a place. to this day my parents home still feels like that. my kids get that feeling too, it's unwelcoming and uncomfortable alot of the time. i don't think the clutter caused this at all, but it is a symptom. like a cluttered disorganized mind has that effect on the house.
anyway, one of the reasons i try and minimize clutter in my house is because i don't like that feeling that i remember in my youth. when stuff starts piling up, even a little bit i get sort of stressed. i don't make it anyone elses job but mine to keep the clutter down... because i know it is my issue. and i never judge anyone elses home because it is more of the feeling you get when you are in a home then the cleanness of it. i have been in cluttered house that feel welcoming and comfortable and others that feel scattered and full of chaos.
so if anyone came to my house it would seem, maybe really tidy, but that makes it easier for me to function. it makes me calmer and more open to the kids, it allows me to feel at ease. when everything has a place (even if it isn't in that place at this moment, like the toy blocks are out and the blankets are a fort and the cars are everywhere) and everyone knows where it all goes at the end of the day... well then i am a better mama. i feel less stressed, less anxious. and it spills over in to what others feel when they come to my house. for years we hosted alot of homeschool gathers with our friends, and even though we had a small house (7 people in 1000 sqft) everyone always said our house was the most welcoming. it is because i felt together and calm and welcoming to people. the house would get totally trashed, BUT it was always easy to get back together because everything had a place. and when people come over to the place we are in now, they say the same thing. anyway... i have no idea what this has to do with anything. just something i was thinking about. lol

h

[nolansmummy]

Originally Posted by texmati

Laundry? (clean but in baskets, left in the dryer, on the couch for days waiting to be put away...)
Floors? (crumbs, or clothes on the floor in bedrooms, toys on the floor, spots on a kitchen floor).
Dishes? (dirty in the sink for how long, clean but not put a way, dishes left in the living room or a night stand...)
closets? How cluttered can they be? stuffed, or tidy and usable?
Bathrooms?
General clutter? kitchen table, dresser, counters?
windows, baseboards etc?, how often would you expect them to be cleaned? how dirty is too dirty.

I can't think of anything else, but please include if you have any other dealbreakers.

As long as there isn't pet feces,bugs, or old moldy food strewn about the house, i could care less about other people's homes and my kids playing in them.
As for my house:

There is always laundry somewhere that needs to be washed/folded or put away. If it's dirty it's in hampers, if its dry its in a basket or still in dryer and folded stuff is either all over the couch or upstairs all over my bed.

Floors- We vacuum once a week sometimes every other week if i'm super busy, i sweep the kitchen probably twice a week, and wipe up any spots when i get to them.

Closets- Most are not organized and there is stuff on the floors and hangars that have fallen. The kids closets are fine but mine and the storage closet are bad.

Bathrooms- Guest one downstairs wiped down regularly, twice a week? it doesn't get really dirty. Upstairs, my bathroom gets wiped down more frequently but i'm not that great about putting my makeup away so there is usually stuff all over the counters. Tub needs cleaned right now but toilet is good.

General clutter- I hate clutter and paper and stacks of stuff, so downstairs you will find none of that. Upstairs in the office is another story, its where the piles end up when i find them. I go through them once or twice a month, shredding and filing etc.


Windows- probably every other month? I have the kids clean them. I wipe the baseboards down if i spill something, or when i wipe the windows i guess.

MamaofThree- I grew up in a really cluttered house, lots of furniture and piles of stuff, and books everywhere, drove me crazy. I hate stuff, it totally stresses me out. I compromise with my family, upstairs can be messier, but downstairs needs to be peaceful and that means stuff put away with minimal decor and furniture.
The playroom drives me batty, but i've learned to let go a bit, because the kids don't have the same issues with clutter that i do and i refuse to clean that mess up everyday.

[mamaofthree]

nolans: i totally get that. the kids rooms i let go, except there has to be some sort of path so i can get to them in case of a fire. lol otherwise i occasionally go in and "clean house" getting rid of broken toys, puzzles with missing pieces, etc. usually when it is around the holidays and new stuff will be coming in. that way it isn't too overwhelming.

h

[*bejeweled*]

Very interesting post. I wonder what is is about your parents' home that makes you feel unwelcome and uncomfortable. You mentioned that the clutter was just one part of it.

I also don't mind a bit of clutter---as long as I know everything pretty much has its place. I love baskets for this reason.

Originally Posted by mamaofthree

something i have been pondering as i was reading thru this thread. it is about two different homes i have spent alot of time in over the last 24 years or so.
first is my MIL house. she is now in her 80's. her house is very very tidy. per dh it has always been that way. the kids rooms could be as nasty as they wanted but the main living space (living, kitchen, bathroom, dining room) were always spotless. i mean so clean you would not even worry about your kid eating off the bathroom floor. lol and the general feeling in the house was one of calmness and comfort and relaxed. i mean she has no issues at all with letting the grandkids pull out the toys she has in her house (a few dolls, cars, blocks and books) she loves to have people over and she is always relaxed and you just feel it. it is so nice to go to her place.
now the house i grew up in and how my parents live to this day is very cluttered (not horder by any stretch) just alot of stuff doesn't have a place. bills pile up on the dinner table, magazines are all over the place. just this general feel of chaos. now the house was never dirty. we did weekly chores (bathrooms, floors, general house cleaning like dusting etc) and daily chores like dishes. our rooms were not allowed to get really messy (like weekly cleaning) it wasn't like the house was dirty, just cluttered and had a feeling of chaos, like nothing had a place. to this day my parents home still feels like that. my kids get that feeling too, it's unwelcoming and uncomfortable alot of the time. i don't think the clutter caused this at all, but it is a symptom. like a cluttered disorganized mind has that effect on the house.
anyway, one of the reasons i try and minimize clutter in my house is because i don't like that feeling that i remember in my youth. when stuff starts piling up, even a little bit i get sort of stressed. i don't make it anyone elses job but mine to keep the clutter down... because i know it is my issue. and i never judge anyone elses home because it is more of the feeling you get when you are in a home then the cleanness of it. i have been in cluttered house that feel welcoming and comfortable and others that feel scattered and full of chaos.
so if anyone came to my house it would seem, maybe really tidy, but that makes it easier for me to function. it makes me calmer and more open to the kids, it allows me to feel at ease. when everything has a place (even if it isn't in that place at this moment, like the toy blocks are out and the blankets are a fort and the cars are everywhere) and everyone knows where it all goes at the end of the day... well then i am a better mama. i feel less stressed, less anxious. and it spills over in to what others feel when they come to my house. for years we hosted alot of homeschool gathers with our friends, and even though we had a small house (7 people in 1000 sqft) everyone always said our house was the most welcoming. it is because i felt together and calm and welcoming to people. the house would get totally trashed, BUT it was always easy to get back together because everything had a place. and when people come over to the place we are in now, they say the same thing. anyway... i have no idea what this has to do with anything. just something i was thinking about. lol

h

[texmati]

Originally Posted by *bejeweled*

Very interesting post. I wonder what is is about your parents' home that makes you feel unwelcome and uncomfortable. You mentioned that the clutter was just one part of it.

I also don't mind a bit of clutter---as long as I know everything pretty much has its place. I love baskets for this reason.

It is an interesting post! I actually have the opposite problem, I feel very agitated when things are very neat and tidy. For example, when traveling for work, I'd wait until the last possible moment before packing my bags-- I definitely would not be able to sleep if all my stuff was packed away.

[texmati]

anyways, just a mini update, I did remove one big black trash bag of trash from our bedroom closet. I feel so ashamed-- it wasn't clothes or anything like that, just literally trash that I stashed in there. I still need to organize the clothes that no longer fit me. i dusted and vacuumed and tidied the rest of master bedroom as well, so I can proudly say that I am no longer ashamed to have anyone in any of the rooms that my son plays in!

De-cluttering is still sorely needed, but at least everything is clean. I'm still having trouble scheduling in maintenance cleaning but that's another thread!

[mamaofthree]

i think the clutter was like an outward manifestation of the inner clutter that was my mother (mostly). like i said it wasn't like she was a hoarder by any stretch... just sort of disorganized and all over the place. she suffers from depression and anxiety. and i guess because i grew up with that, in my head clutter and disorganization in my own life makes me uncomfortable. i feel better when everything has a place, because it wasn't like that alot when i was growing up. at least that is how i feel about it. LOL

h

[EdnaMarie]

texmati, Flylady has really high standards *but* in terms of learning to organize cleaning and housework, I can thank her for my whole, mostly de-cluttered house. Where stbx has his stuff, it's messy because, well, so many things, but yes my children have clean places to play and surfaces are neat and there is almost no trash in the house save paper trash of stbx's clutter.

If you adopt her method (without necessarily taking up the whole schedule at once) you may find yourself very relieved.

I also don't mind a bit of clutter---as long as I know everything pretty much has its place.

To me, it doesn't matter if you can see it or not. If it's in its place, it's not clutter. If it's set wherever there is space, it's clutter regardless of whether that place is a drawer or kitchen table or what. So (without seeing it) your house is not cluttered if things are really in baskets and organized. They're not clutter, they're accessible. I like my things in drawers but that's a personal preference.

[Greenmama2]

I refuse to visit or have visit us anyone using the CIO method actively at the time they are visiting. (Yes, it's happened. SMILs relative expected me to listen to her tiny infant scream herself to sleep in a dark room, replete with puking." ) That's unacceptable!

Originally Posted by Phantaja

I really do think that that's what they expect from foster homes. When I had my homestudy for foster care, I KNOW my house was clean. I was so nervous that I cleaned for two days and THEN had a professional cleaning service come out. The SW that come out denied me because my laundry tub wasn't wiped out. She told me to call her when I'd bleached and scrubbed the tub.

This scares me. I really want to foster but right now I think if we had professional cleaners three hours a day everyday for a whole week beforehand we might not pass. My 4 & 1 year olds can trash the cleanest house in ten seconds flat

[Paxjourney]

Originally Posted by texmati

There is another thread on this board that has a few post regarding cleanliness and CPS that just scares me. I don't consider my home so bad that my kids should be removed, but from the descriptions in those posts, maybe others would have a different idea.

(by acceptable, I mean that you would allow your kiddo to go over for a play date, without crinkling your nose, or coming on MDC to chat about it)What do you consider acceptable in terms of:


Laundry? (clean but in baskets, left in the dryer, on the couch for days waiting to be put away...)
Floors? (crumbs, or clothes on the floor in bedrooms, toys on the floor, spots on a kitchen floor).
Dishes? (dirty in the sink for how long, clean but not put a way, dishes left in the living room or a night stand...)
closets? How cluttered can they be? stuffed, or tidy and usable?
Bathrooms?
General clutter? kitchen table, dresser, counters?
windows, baseboards etc?, how often would you expect them to be cleaned? how dirty is too dirty.

I can't think of anything else, but please include if you have any other dealbreakers.

Laundry: In our home all dirty laundry is in the Laundry room. Hopefully in a basket or the machine. Clean laundry is in a basket or on the folding table in the familyroom, making its way to closets and drawers.

Dishes: Once in awhile a tea cup might get left on the computer desk. Dirty dishes are not left in the sink. Either they are in the dishwasher waiting to be washed or washed by hand and put in the strainer drying.

Closets: I like for my closets to be neat and organized.

Bathrooms: Bathroom is cleaned 2x a week (Full out deep clean) and wiped down 2x daily. I'm a Nurse. I'm a little obsessive about clean bathrooms.

General Clutter: Garbage is taken out when it needs to be. Usually everyother day here. I do a walk thru of rooms daily. Beds are made. every. day. Toys are picked up and there are no hazards with tripping. My Dad and Brother are both Firefighters, growing up my parents were big about toys getting picked up, guess it stuck. With my own home the kids play then pick up those toys before playing with something else.

A book of two left on an end table, knitting on the coffee table no big deal.

We sweep the floors daily, vaccume every other day (I like clean floors) and Mop 2x a week (more if it needs it).


As for what is exceptable in someone elses home. a Pile of laundry on the floor, how high? 1 loads worth or maybe two NOT in a main traffic area like a hallway. Not a big deal, as long as it is on its way to being washed.

Dishes in the sink, a days worth. Not a biggy.

Bathrooms that are clean. Not crusted over and smell of urine.

NO ANIMAL FECES OR URINE not cleaned up!

Dust and toys everywhere, not a big deal aslong as the toys arn't a tripping hazard. But not dirt and crud.