At what age...

[swd12422]

Were you able to send your only child off to play while you got dinner ready, or just took a few (10?) minutes to yourself?

I understand it's easier if there are siblings to keep each other occupied....

DS is nearly 3, and would rather "help" me than play on his own. That's usually fine, we have a stool in the kitchen and he watches me cook, etc. But sometimes I just. want. to do. the dishes. And have it only take 10 minutes instead of 30 + a lot of yelling at him not to touch the sharp knives or hang on the upper rack of the dishwasher or take out wet glasses that will shatter on the ceramic floor if he drops them.

He has never been interested in toys. He will read books by himself, but only when desperate, and only for 2 minutes. He has puzzles, but doesn't do them. He has trucks that he likes to aim at my feet, and we'll push it back and forth, but ultimately he moves closer (and into the way) or I get to a point where I can't keep bending over to push the truck without completely putting off whatever I'm doing. He gets his "own" spoons and bowls to play with, but even that can't keep his interest away from me for more than a minute or so.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Honestly, this sounds like a personality thing rather then an age thing.

My three year old is perfectly content playing or watching a video while I make dinner or do dishes. He likes to "help" me clean, ie vacuum or sweep. But hes otherwise content on his own for a spell.

My two year old is a different story. Always has been, and probably always will be.

[redvlagrl]

I agree that it is a personality thing. DD has always been able to play independantly for 10-15 mins at a time.

Could you perhaps have a special toy/activity that only gets brought out when you need to be left alone to get something done? Could you babywear?

DD also likes to sit on the bench and watch me cook, not helping but just watching.

[Norasmomma]

It is a personality thing, DD will not let us be, like ever

Does he like DVDs? I know many on here are anti-tv, but when you have a child who does.not.stop. and always wants to help and never gives you 2 seconds alone it gets really annoying.

I have to say that DD is much better with actually getting to help, we bought her a plastic kids chef knife and her own cutting board off of Amazon. He's 3 he can help a bit. Trust me I know it is frustrating, I know so many people whose kids are not like this, but mine are. Both are either underfoot or in the kitchen when I am doing stuff. So now I use it to my advantage, DD spins salad, she could cut lettuce with her knife.

I'd like to get a learning tower type thing so both DD and DS could stand in it, they are kinda spendy though.

[swd12422]

SO not what I wanted to hear!
He does help, and he does have his own pots/pans/spatulas/spoons but prefers to take all my measuring cups and spoons instead. What kills me is that when I'm doing lots of stuff at once, if I turn away to another part of the counter to chop with a sharp knife, or do something that is too messy for me to be able to clean him up (like raw chicken) quickly, he drags the stool over to where I am. I get NO personal space. And then I get frustrated....

I don't expect complete solitude in the kitchen, but seriously, I tell him, "Okay, you can watch with you eyes, but no touching." He says okay, climbs up and grabs whatever he can reach within seconds....

[Norasmomma]

My DD is exactly like that, at 3 she did the same stuff. Now at 4 she actually does help, BUT I have to set her up with her stuff, her kids knife, cutting board and such. Give her some veggies-mushrooms are the best and let her go with it.

Also the sink can be very exciting, give him some soap and let him "do dishes" while you cook.

Also DVD's are great, if you really want 20 minutes of peace.

3 year olds have pretty much zero impulse control, at least the ones I've been around.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Maybe when you are doing things that you really need him to not participate it you could have some "no stool" time. He may not be happy with this idea, but if you reassure him that the stool can come back out when you're done and he can help with xyz, he may go for it.

[EdnaMarie]

That's a personality thing, I agree.

DD2, when big sister is at school, plays alone. She has since she was one. DD1 started playing alone more around 2.5, though she'd never leave the room from me.

Neither of my kids can "help" me cook anything but really adaptable recipes, because they touch. They ruin everything .

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by Norasmomma

Does he like DVDs? I know many on here are anti-tv, but when you have a child who does.not.stop. and always wants to help and never gives you 2 seconds alone it gets really annoying.

I find it shockingly refreshing that someone is being so honest. I feel like we're supposed to say how much we adore whatever our children are doing every moment, but yes, it does get annoying not to be able to be alone just to *think* for 2 seconds.

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

I find it shockingly refreshing that someone is being so honest. I feel like we're supposed to say how much we adore whatever our children are doing every moment, but yes, it does get annoying not to be able to be alone just to *think* for 2 seconds.

Thanks, my DD is a very spirited little girl and the age from oh 18 months-2.5 were just really hard. Honestly having a second child made it easier for me because the focus has been taken off me and DH to entertain her. Now that DS is 1 it's even better, they play together often and now it's not so much us having to do that. Now she entertains him

I have a couple other things that worked well for me, one was painting the pantry door with chalkboard paint, that gave DD a place to draw while I cooked. Playing in the sink works wonders, and finding jobs that she could actually do helped too. Salad spinners are great fun and helpful.

Some kids are just way more into the kitchen then others, and for me I finally had to embrace it rather than fight it. I give her her own zone, her own stuff(that was her b-day present), an apron and RULES in the kitchen. Setting boundaries and rules helped so much. For me it was easier to give in and figure out what worked than fight it because that lead to all out full scale war from DD, and that makes everyone miserable.

I still do the DVD thing too

[swd12422]

I did forget to address the TV thing. DS doesn't watch TV. It's not necessarily all my doing, although I'm pretty happy that he's not compelled to be glued to the screen for hours every day. Unfortunately, the downside is that it doesn't hold his attention when I want it to! Now and then he'll pick up the remote and flip around til he finds football, but even then it's only good for a few minutes. I will continue to work on boundaries and zones. It's just SO blood-boiling to say, "Keep the stool there. I'm coming right back." and then to hear the stool scraping over to me in less than a nanosecond. Someone asked if I could babywear -- I swear I AM babywearing him, he's just not confined in a sling! That's how close he feels.

This morning he couldn't leave me alone for two seconds so I could finish writing an email. I nearly lost it. I told him to go play with DH for a minute and I would come get him. Nope. I told him Mommy needs a minute of quiet time. Nope. I started getting frustrated and told him I didn't care where he went, but he needed to go or we wouldn't go anywhere today. Nope. Nope. Nope. Til I specifically said, "No library, since you can't seem to hear me when I ask you to do something. It's not safe to be out when you can't hear me." He cried a little and we made a deal that if he was a good listener up to the time we leave the house, we'd go to the library. He was terrific all morning, and go to play outside for a couple of hours. That REALLY helped.

Then, as soon as we got home, he was back to his old tricks. AUGH! He really is more "well-behaved" in public than at home... But I can't spend all day and all night out of the house for him. We had a huge issue last night with him being destructive with his toys and DH got really upset with him. I'm hoping that all the recent talking about being respectful and listening to us will start to sink in soon!

And I am tempted to do the chalkboard paint or magnets or something, as that seems to intrigue him, but coloring at the table doesn't work for more time than it takes to get the crayons out and put away.

[Nicole730]

I also agree with the personality thing. My son has been playing indepently since he could walk, right around 12 months. I realized how fortunate I was when a friend was complaining that her two year old still needs her to play outside. I just open the door and he'll play for hours by himself. Inside and outside he's good to go. He does sometimes want to help and now that he's a little older and does imaginative play, he will ask us to play with him once in awhile.

[Norasmomma]

A lot of what you are saying is typical 3 year old behavior.

What has worked for us is a reward chart system.

Plain and simple most 3 year olds don't listen, and the one on one thing with mom/dad and pushing boundaries is part of a developmental phase.

So far the hardest times with my DD have been those 1/2 birthdays, like 2.5, then the cusp of 3.....it's like with each leap the behaviors that are truly infuriating(like not leaving you alone) are amplified.

Trust me, I have completely flipped out because of these same behaviors.

With the kitchen thing, I'd be taking the stool out if he can't listen, that's where the rules stand in my kitchen. It's a dangerous place. DD knows now that in there it's MY RULES. If she decided to not listen, I give her a warning about the rules, then if she does whatever it is that I'm not jiving with, the stool gets taken away and she is no longer allowed to assist in the preparation of food. This just happened 2 nights ago. I warned her to not stir the pot, she did and well she was no longer allowed to be in there.

It's hard the personalities can be so different, it's like trying to figure out a million piece jig-saw puzzle, and when you think you have it you lose a bunch of the pieces. Ugh.

[Abraisme]

Yeah, unfortunately this is a personality thing. My 14mo will play by herself with her toys for long periods of time and my 6yo was probably 2yo when I could send him off to play by himself (I still can't send my 14mo off, she doesn't understand that). Some kids like toys and some don't..

[EdnaMarie]

DS doesn't watch TV.

DD2 doesn't either and DD1 didn't watch it until very recently. And I was okay with an hour or two a week for me to survive but they had different plans.

[ASusan]

I'm going to say it's a personality-social partner interaction.

DS (3) will play by himself while DH is making dinner, but if I am the one in the kitchen, DS is all over me. DH is firmer on "hot kitchen - stay out" (gently redirecting toward playroom), but I have not been able to enforce that as well as DH does. It seems like DS constantly vies for my attention when I'm in the kitchen.

[cyclamen]

I think, as they say, this is what TV was invented for. But if that doesn't work....

I seem to remember having to peel a lot of garlic as a kid. Some of my earliest memories involve, "Go get the garlic out of the drawer. No, that is an onion. Garlic is lumpy, onions are round." If I wandered into the kitchen, that was my job. No doubt this was my mom's method of getting me to stay out of her hair for a few minutes.

Can you give him a job that is safe, okay to be messed up, but necessary - not play? I saw someone mention chopping lettuce. Or putting away plasticware?

My daughter (16 mo) will play with toys, but she really prefers doing exactly what I am doing. And not pretend, it has to be the real deal. Doing my writing work is a pain because I can't exactly set up another computer next to me and let her go to town, so I get interrupted alot. But in the kitchen... I've begun putting her to work alot. The house is clean and dinner is made like never before.

Her job is putting away things like rags in baskets, wiping up water, putting the plastic into the dish rack, peeling the skin off of garlic, tearing the lettuce. But I've put my friend's three year old to work stamping dough for rice cakes before. They don't come out looking perfect, but at three kids seem to understand process much better than a one year old does, and they love being useful.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Originally Posted by cyclamen

I seem to remember having to peel a lot of garlic as a kid. Some of my earliest memories involve, "Go get the garlic out of the drawer. No, that is an onion. Garlic is lumpy, onions are round." If I wandered into the kitchen, that was my job. No doubt this was my mom's method of getting me to stay out of her hair for a few minutes.

Can you give him a job that is safe, okay to be messed up, but necessary - not play? I saw someone mention chopping lettuce. Or putting away plasticware?

My daughter (16 mo) will play with toys, but she really prefers doing exactly what I am doing. And not pretend, it has to be the real deal. Doing my writing work is a pain because I can't exactly set up another computer next to me and let her go to town, so I get interrupted alot. But in the kitchen... I've begun putting her to work alot. The house is clean and dinner is made like never before.

Her job is putting away things like rags in baskets, wiping up water, putting the plastic into the dish rack, peeling the skin off of garlic, tearing the lettuce. But I've put my friend's three year old to work stamping dough for rice cakes before. They don't come out looking perfect, but at three kids seem to understand process much better than a one year old does, and they love being useful.

I LOVE the garlic idea. That's hilarious.

My DD loves to be doing the same thing too. She will actually vacuum, dust, mop, and sweep. It's fabulous.

For the computer...my DD loves that too. We have an old keyboard that we aren't using right now in our basement, I may need to bring that up as she would probably love pounding away on those keys since it's soooo much fun to do on my laptop.

[foxtrot]

Yes, it is a personality thing, but no one has given you much hope. Maybe they don't have much older children. Seems like everyone's child/ren are quite young.

Both of my children have been or are like this, however, my oldest is now 7.5 and he OFTEN goes off on his own and plays legos or whatever and would certainly never bother me if I asked him to let me "just be". (I would never have believed this would happen when he was 3 and glued to me 24/7. I had visions of him asking me to go on dates with him as a teenager he was so velcroed to me). Once they get old enough you can ask them to let you make dinner alone and even if they don't go off into another room they can work on homework or just chat with you at the table while you are left to make dinner without "help". And when he does help now, it's real help. So it ends. It really does. I'd say around age 4 he was better and by age 6 he could entertain himself.

My daughter is 3. She HAS to help with cooking all the time and it drives me nuts, but I know it will end one day. I let her help and just grin and bear it when I'm not in the mood for it.

So neither of my kids self-entertained when young. However, I think it's because they are very social in the sense that they want to pretend or do with someone rather than in their own head and that can turn into a positive thing when they are older. There is no social activity that my son doesn't want to do which makes it a lot of fun to be with him. He's always up for an adventure and loves to be with people and friends. Some kids just prefer group activities to solitary play. Both of my kids are this way. It's draining when they are toddlers, but a lot of fun when they are older.

[swd12422]

foxtrot, I think you hit the nail on the head in that last paragraph. DH lets DS play on the computer (with a freebie "paint" application that has funny sound effects), and they were doing that this morning. When I walked by, DS was in the chair by himself, playing, and DH was right next to him in another chair, using the laptop. I thought that was genius. But then I heard DS say something to DH (well, whine, really) and DH said, "I'm right here! I'm watching, believe me." So even though that is one of DS's favorite things to do, he won't do it without an audience. Glad to know I probably won't be his first choice for prom date!