Homebirthing your first

[Virginia884]

DH and I are planning a HB. This is our first babe. I have only seen my CPM, never saw an OB (nor do I plan to). I totally believe in HB, believe in my body, but I am starting to have some nervous thoughts, just because birth is something I've never experienced before. The unknown is just the worst! I am reading a lot, talking to DH a lot, and trying to have positive thoughts about the birth. I just hope that these thoughts don't become more prevalent as we get closer to birthday! Anyone else experienced this and how did you deal?

[smeep]

I was fortunate to be raised in a family where I was taught that healthy mums and babies are born at home and only sick mums and babies go to hospitals (my mother birthed four of the five of us at home). So I didn't have a lot of the typical fears. My biggest fear was that I would need a cesarean. Then I remembered that with my midwife I would only have a section if it was truly necessary and that I was at FAR higher risk for complications and serious problems if I were birthing in a hospital. The fear of the unknown in a hospital scares me more than the fear of the unknown out of a hospital, so I reminded that of myself and it helped a lot. We had a lovely birth with no problems at all. I am now 22 weeks along with my second and so far I have no fears (except occasionally the "omg, this kid is in...now I have to get it OUT!" thing, haha).

[cileag]

I gave birth to my first child at home too and definitely had periods of doubt and nervousness. I'm a labor and delivery nurse and so it wasn't necessarily the thoughts of the unknown, but rather focusing needlessly on the worst case scenarios. Things that helped me were to read almost nightly from the birth stories in "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" and the birth stories here just to flood my mind with good but different birth scenarios.

I also found comfort in the idea that it was OK to transfer if needed. I trusted my midwife and knew that if the situation came up where she was recommending transfer, than I would trust it was actually necessary. Also that she would be discussing the situation with me so that it would be a decision we were both making. Weirdly, coming to terms with the idea of transfer really took away some of my anxiety. I'm all for thinking positively, but for me, I needed to accept the whole spectrum of possibilities to really release some of my anxiety.

Good luck and happy birthing!

[lunarlady]

I birthed my first at home, and had zero prior expose to HB or actually childbirth of any kind. I always sort of thought of myself as being like a baby bird -- time to fly, never done it before, but getting pushed out of the nest no matter what. What made me feel better was constant daily exposure to positive birth stories, from books, my natural childbirth class, YouTube videos, and websites. I avoided negative, and focused on the positive. It was still a humbling and unpredictable experience, but also a powerful and positive one. Good luck!

[MrsJewelsRae]

Not me, I homebirthed my 2nd (after wishing I had with my first!). But my younger sister decided to have a HB with her first baby, she has fears of doctors and hospitals and had been in the waiting room for my first birth so in a way witnessed my trauma and the bitterness I experienced after my first hospital birth, the wonderful peace of my 2nd child's birth at home, and then again more trauma as I was forced to transfer to the hospital for my 3rd (high blood pressure). She had wonderful midwives and other than Hyperemesis, which she was medicated for, she had an uneventful pregnancy, but she really suffered anxiety her whole pg'y about many things, mostly fearing transfer and dealing with strangers (OBs) and exams. I gotta say, she is a bit of a wimp and a suck. She totally blew me away! She was so strong and in control. She was in labor for 8 hours and pushed for 3 (midwife was nearly ready for transfer) when she gave birth to a healthy 9 lb 1 oz baby!! No one could believe my tiny sister could push out a baby that big w/o drugs! She had a 2nd degree tear and some difficulty nursing, but she made it through pp and is still happily nursing her 14 month old dd, and hopes to hb again some day.

I hope you have a wonderful homebirth! I must say, I SO wish I could have homebirthed all of mine

[la mamita]

i would second the recommendation to only read positive homebirth stories. spiritual midwifery was my go-to source for those. horror stories or even just hospital birth stories which detail a lot of interventions were something i found very troubling to read and have in my mind. i think it is normal to be apprehensive about the unknown--for all first time moms, birth is the unknown. at least you get to do it somewhere that is comfortable and familiar! but, honestly, once you get to laboring, you don't even have any room left in your mind to freak out. i was worried that i wouldn't be able to handle it or that i would have a panic attack (i have a history of pretty bad anxiety), but i was so concentrated on the contractions that it never even crossed my mind.

[*MamaJen*]

I homebirthed my fist (and so far, only ) baby, and I had some of the same fears. I knew from research that first time mothers have relatively higher rates of transfer during homebirths, so I felt a little bit of concern there.
But ultimately, I trusted my midwife and knew that she would be a guardian to my birth, and she would be looking out for any signs of danger that would indicate that I needed to transfer to the hospital. I went into the birth optimistic, believing that everything would work out okay. I knew that if my baby was showing signs that he needed to be in the hospital, my midwife would let me know. But I also sort of gave myself permission to decide that if the birth was really sucky and painful, or if I just got really exhausted, it would be okay to go to the hospital for an epidural. So I went in hoping and believing for the best, but okay with an alternate scenario.
In the end, I had an absolutely beautiful, gentle, basically pain free homebirth. Everything went 100 percent smoothly and I had a really wonderful birth that I treasure so much.
I think it's good to remember that the first goal is a healthy mother and baby, and the second goal is a positive homebirth experience. For some births, home is the best place to achieve those goals, and for some births, a hospital winds up being a better place to achieve those goals. There's no shame in transferring to a hospital if you want to or need to.
By starting out at home with a good midwife, you give yourself every opportunity to have a gentle homebirth. And if nature has other plans for you, that's okay as well.

[donutmolly]

I homebirthed my first and all went smoothly! Of course there is more uncertainty and fear when you haven't experienced something before -- that is totally fine. My mw was really good about telling me why more first-time moms transfer (non-emergency, exhaustion, desire for pain relief) and I was determined to try to avoid some of the things that cause those transfers. The best advice she gave me was to ignore labor as long as possible, and to plan on going at least 10 days past my EDD.

I also was very pro-active about dealing with fear around birth. I think it's important to deal with simply because our culture has such a fear of birth, and it's hard not to absorb it! I did some of the exercises in Birthing From Within (which is totally not my style) and it was a great way of working through fears for me.

[peainthepod]

Originally Posted by lunarlady

I birthed my first at home, and had zero prior expose to HB or actually childbirth of any kind. I always sort of thought of myself as being like a baby bird -- time to fly, never done it before, but getting pushed out of the nest no matter what. What made me feel better was constant daily exposure to positive birth stories, from books, my natural childbirth class, YouTube videos, and websites. I avoided negative, and focused on the positive. It was still a humbling and unpredictable experience, but also a powerful and positive one. Good luck!

This was my experience too, pretty much word for word. I didn't know anyone who'd ever had a homebirth; even my super pro-natural childbirth friends/acquaintances still had theirs in the hospital with IVs and such. I tuned out negative people, read positive homebirth stories over and over, and wrote affirming little notes to myself to read during labor, which sounds corny (and is) but totally helped. I wrote things like, "This is actually kind of fun" and "Open, open, open" and "Soon you will meet your son for the first time" and "Labor is just a few hours of one day of the rest of your life. You're doing great!"

Remember that until fairly recently in human history, ALL first-time mamas had their babies at home (or in a home-like setting). Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it? Homebirth really isn't such a rebellious or strange choice when you think about it...

[nilatti]

I had my first (and so far only) baby at home. I grew up in a community where practically no babies where born in the hospital, so it seemed more normal to me. I think things that helped were:
* Reading/hearing/seeking positive birth stories.
* Saying to myself every day, "God designed your body to do this!"
* Prenatal yoga, practicing different positions for birth
* Asking people to SHUT UP when they launched into a birth horror story.
* In the last month, monitoring my baby's position and using techniques from spinningbabies.com to keep him anterior (he kept wanting to be posterior)
* also in the last month, seeing a chiropractor to get my pelvis better aligned.

The best feeling ever was, 3 weeks before my son was born, hearing my mw say, "You have done everything possible to make this go well." That gave me all the confidence I needed.

[MsBlack]

You've been given lots of good advice. I only disagree about avoiding negative birth stories. You need to face your fears. NO, I would not read about bad hospital births! They just don't apply. But seek out info and stories that relate to your fears...move through the fear by gathering info, and asking questions.

The 'worst thing' that first time moms do is forget the basics in their excitement to be in labor! Exhaustion usually comes about because the moms didn't do basic things to support their energy for the long haul: eat, drink, pee, rest/sleep. These things are SO important! If you end up too excited to pay attention to these things, you could end up with insufficient energy to manage the sensations and go on for the number of hours your birth will need--and we never know, going in, how long that will be. Could be an 'easy-ish' 6-10hrs...could be 18-24 or more. All of which can be normal, and can well be handled by a mom who is fed, hydrated, rested, etc.

[nilatti]

Originally Posted by MsBlack

You've been given lots of good advice. I only disagree about avoiding negative birth stories. You need to face your fears. NO, I would not read about bad hospital births! They just don't apply. But seek out info and stories that relate to your fears...move through the fear by gathering info, and asking questions.

I should have been clearer--there's a difference between "This is the kind of nonoptimal experience I had" and a horror story, which is one of those awful things that happened to their friend's cousin's neighbor, and they just are trying to be scary.

[peainthepod]

Originally Posted by nilatti

I should have been clearer--there's a difference between "This is the kind of nonoptimal experience I had" and a horror story, which is one of those awful things that happened to their friend's cousin's neighbor, and they just are trying to be scary.

Agreed. One is, "This is what could feasibly happen at your homebirth even if you do everything right, so be prepared for the possibility--just in case!"

The other is, "Here's a horrifying story about dead babies and almost-dead mamas for me to share with you, pregnant lady, because either I am a tactless nitwit who feels threatened by your choice to avoid needless hospital interventions and protocols, or I have a sadistic streak and want to watch you cringe."

[emily11megan]

Read positive birth stories, and pay attention to how the mother feels, rather than the actual events. No one knows how their birth will be (fast, long, where the pain is felt etc.) Try to let your head become ok with the idea that your body can birth the baby without interference from your mind. Let your body do the work and keep your mind relaxed. Be ok with doing anything you need to during labor, to cope. You can do it!
I homebirthed my first baby 2 years ago, and am doing it again in January. My first birth was fast and furious. It scared me how intense it got at times, but I just allowed myself to shout and drool and sway in the water. I kept my hands on my daughters head as she emerged, and knew intuitively how hard to push to keep myself intact. I had no experience, but my body has years and years of primal knowledge, just like yours does. Have a great homebirth!

[MsBlack]

Originally Posted by peainthepod

The other is, "Here's a horrifying story about dead babies and almost-dead mamas for me to share with you, pregnant lady, because either I am a tactless nitwit who feels threatened by your choice to avoid needless hospital interventions and protocols, or I have a sadistic streak and want to watch you cringe."

LOL, yeah, definitely no need to suffer through THOSE stories!

And yeah, definitely do read/watch a lot of positive, happy birth stories too--mostly those, for sure

[bcblondie]

I had my first and only birth at home. I didn't really have any fears because I knew I could be transported quickly if necessary. We did have some drops in the heartrate that made them call 911. (it got in the 60's once, and the 80s for a while) I was scared in that moment. But midwives are trained for these sorts of things and she knew just what to do! Maybe had I researched that more, I'd have known that it was common, and not really concern until after X amount of time. But live and learn!

[gemasita]

I'm so glad to see this thread and hear from others who have done it at home the first time. We are planning a homebirth with our first in Jan. I think most of my fears are related to being a doula and seeing the births that didn't go so well. Even reminding myself that the hospital births I've been at don't apply to me, I still think of those well-prepared moms who ended up having a hard time and needing pain relief. I think that's my biggest fear. But like the others, I am surrounding myself with the positive, remembering all the positive births I've seen, and reminding myself that if a transfer happens, it's because it's necessary (even if it's for exhaustion or pain relief). It just IS a little unnerving to give birth at home and have never experienced giving birth before. There's that part you can prepare for and then that part of birth that is unexpected and you can't really prepare for. That's a little nerve-wracking.

[holothuroidea]

I had my first at home, too.

I also agree that you should not avoid "negative" stories. Any time you have a fear, you should face it full on. Allow yourself to feel the fear, it's a normal part of the experience. The faster you process the fear and move on, the better your birth will be.

Some thoughts that helped me in my first labor:

Your body will do whatever it needs to without your help, relax and let your body take over.

A day of hard work never hurt anyone. (This one made me laugh out loud.)

During pushing you have to really WANT it. You have to want it to hurt, you have to want to push the limits of what you think you can handle. You need to embrace the intensity of the experience!

Also, stay in tune to the people around you. Listen to them, look them in the eyes. They will keep you connected.

[katiesk]

the unknown is inevitable and is nothing to fear - i had my first (and only thus far) at home and it was ideal. i can't imagine doing it differently. the facts are that it is a safe option, and safety is one main goal of childbirth, so that is reassuring. if the facts don't reassure you, and you feel like you will not be comfortable birthing at home, i'm sure that you do have the option of planning a birth in a hospital.

[mattemma04]

I was 28 when pregnant with my dd. We lived in an apratment at the time,and I delivered her at home with dh at my side. My choice.She was 9.6 pounds.

I read a lot and prepped for the worst. You alone will be judged if anything goes wrong,so you have to come to terms with that. Atleast with a midwife you will have more eyes to see any issues crop up. Sometimes it can be hard to labor and at the same time focus/think/evaluate everything but it CAN be done.Prep in case the MW can not get to you in time. I knew a mom(email group) doing a hospital birth who ended up delivering in her kitchen with her dh.She told me that she was calm and able to do it after reading my birthing story.

Labor/birthing wasn't bad at all.Follow what your body is telling you.I tried to lay down and that was very painful. I found a good spot to labor.I drank when I felt the need. I focused on positive thoughts not worrying the whole time that I will need to call 911 and go to the ER.Negative thoughts will stress you and the babe,and not allow you to relax and *open* up.
Move around.Lay,sit,shower,bathe. I did not even call my dh till the end,because he was way to freaked. I kept him busy with tasks while I labored,and directed his help while I birthed our dd.There were issues that cropped up (mec water for one)but they were dealt with instead of calling EMS. You will know what to do at that time,and know when you need help.

I am very hands off and with my second(for dh's sake) I hired a MW halfway into the pregnancy. She was very hands off and I recall only one internal check ever done by her,and that was during labor when she came to the house. She made labor position suggestions,but it was up to me what I did.

There are sad stories of death and injury during homebirths.I remember reading them all during my pregnancies and it made me think a lot about what I would feel/do if the baby died. When you do a hospital birth you blame the staff if anyone at all.No one ever ever thinks to blame you.But in the HB they look to YOU first when things go wrong.Even faced with that I could not in a million years choose a hospital birth.

I remember everyone begging me to do the hospital birth for atleast my first birth.Somehow they thought I need to birth in a hospital the first time to see what it was like,and how my body would handle it.I don't feel you NEED to birth in a hospital unless you have physical or mental issues that make birthing at home a risk. I would have been way stressed at a hospital,and I KNOW the staff would have hated me...and I end up with a C section. I know moms who would have been way stressed to birth at home.My SIL for one had 2 scheduled c section.LOL, the inlaws could not get a *break* with either of us and our choices.

I remember telling dh if he dragged me to the hospital just for the sake of birthing there(and not for an emergency) that I would lock/block myself in the bathroom until I delivered my baby.Each birthing is so different.

Hope you have a safe and nice birthing experience!
Prep for the worst but remember that most moms give birth without any major issues. If you need to go to the hospital do not feel as if you failed.It is about you and the baby being ok.