So bad news good news time.
Remember when the doctors thought we had TTTS (twin to twin transfer syndrome) and they put me on bedrest? Then later they decided it was just twin discordance because the condition didnt get any worse? Well when the boys were born they still didnt think that was the problem because of something complicated that I didnt understand but had to do with equal blood results. Well today they did an echo-cardiogram on Connor because he still acts kind of weak and a little floppy and sure enough it came back that the muscle tissue of his heart is too thick. So they are doing an EKG in the morning and then the cardiology team are going to meet about a plan of action and a course of treatment and then we are supposed to all meet together on Friday. So... turns out it was TTTS after all.
They put the twins in the same crib together! They even bundled them up in the same blanket together! For some reason that science can not explain some times twins will perk up and start developing a lot faster when they are put together like that so their doctors felt like the boys would benefit from this treatment. I took some pictures and later tonight I will post them, cutest thing ever, totally reminds me of that wonderful ultrasound of them!
The boys have this nurse during the day that is really supportive of me trying to nurse the boys and has been really great at helping me get them both on to attempt tandem nursing. They still show NO desire to suck, from me or a bottle or anything, but they do latch on. Progress is progress and I am thankful for it.
Today was a very emotional day for me. Last night one of their doctors came over and had a long talk with me. He talked really sweet and yet at the same time very to the point about how exhausted I looked. He explained how it might be a good idea for me to go home and be with my other kids for a while and take a little break. We talked about how I needed to go home and do all the things I would be doing if I was still pregnant, getting things ready for the boys, spending extra time getting the older kids ready for the twins coming home and getting rest. We talked about a lot of other things as well and ultimately dh and I agreed that spending 2 days home and then 1 day at the hospital with the twins and then repeat that cycle would be best for everyone... I understand the logic behind all of that... but it still breaks my heart.
When I was trying to nurse the boys yesterday Seamus spat up on me and I leaked milk all over the place... I have refused to wash that shirt and keep it put up and take it down every so often.. it smells like new baby... Yeah... I have cried waaay too much today. Cant make up my mind if this is all normal response to a really rough and emotional situation or if I might be slipping into PPD. I just want my boys home so bad.