Toddler Sleep Issues

[RunningMomTegan]

I searched for a while on this forum, but couldn't quite find similar questions... So apologies if this seems redundant

I am the mother of a 3 month old and a 29 month old. The 29 month old recently started sleeping in his own bed, and is welcomed into our bed when he wakes up. We have an ironclad bedtime routine that involves bath, teeth brushing, 3 books and me laying with him until he falls asleep. However, he has several sleep issues:

1. He's dropped his nap. If he naps (even for 15 minutes at 9 in the morning), it takes over an hour to get him to sleep. During this time, he fidgets. And fidgets. And fidgets. If no nap, asleep in 5-10 minutes.

2. He sleeps (currently) from 7PM to 6:30AM. Usually, no nightwakings. If he does wake up, one of two things happens:

3. If in bed with us, I feel like I'm being assaulted. He cannot keep his hands off my breasts, his feet out of my pants, etc. Seriously. I cannot handle it.

4. If we join him in his bed after a nightwaking, if he doesn't fall back asleep immediately, he'll be up for in excess of 2 hours. Last night it was 3 hours, shared by my husband and I as I rotated back to feed the infant, since this nightwaking coincided with his night cluster feed. He isn't upset, just fidgets and fidgets. Kicking, rolling, etc.

He's tired, and I don't know how to help him get the sleep he needs. If we go anywhere in the car in the day, he falls asleep. This tells me he still needs a nap, but if he naps, he gets less cumulative sleep over the course of 24 hours, because a one hour nap = a two hour bedtime delay. I cannot handle having him sleep with us all night. If he slept, even plastered against me, I could handle it.

HELP! Suggestions, of any kind, are welcome.

Sorry so long

[porcelina]

Wow, sounds hard! Unfortunately, I don't have much to offer -- my 33 month old also takes at least an hour to get down at night. We go up around 7 and he's usually asleep by 8.30. This is also bath, teeth, books, and me laying there with him singing/storytelling until he falls asleep. We are struggling because this is fussy time for our 3 week old, and I can hear him crying while I'm trying to get toddler down.

The only thing I have to suggest is have you read Sleepless in America? It's a great read on how to prioritize sleep, and to structure your day so that sleep will be easier and more peaceful. I found many of the suggestions very helpful! Unfortunately, I think it's normal for them to take a while to wind down to go to bed. 10-15 minutes just means he is entirely exhausted (also evidenced by the falling asleep in the car). Maybe you can structure in some alone time for him? I've started doing this -- DS is reading stories to himself as I go get his nighttime milk. I'm hoping to extend the length of my little trips each night.

As far as the assaults go, maybe you could try a body pillow in between you? I have a snoogle from when pregnant, and DS now likes to snuggle with it (though sometimes prefers kicking me -- we cosleep). Maybe he could straddle/kick/etc. a pillow a bit instead of you?

As far as sleeping in his own bed, sounds like a lost cause at this point maybe? I know we gave up on that because of frequent wakings and long wakeful periods. Our guy is just not ready to not sleep with mommy. Maybe just be thankful that it doesn't happen most nights!!

[mama2soren]

I see a lot of my own 29 month old son in your description! No great advice, because we're trying some new ideas to improve his sleep, too. We're on day 3 of no naps, and he goes to sleep at night so much more easily (with 15-20 minutes of post-book cuddles, rather than 1 hour+ of fidgeting!) This helps him get to sleep earlier (7:15 instead of 8:45-9:15), which is necessary since, no matter what, he's up before dawn. Ugh.

About the midnight assaults... for the most part, we've finally got that worked out. He's nightweaned, but will usually try to dig his way in there when he comes in our bed at night. I calmly but firmly remove his hand a few times, saying "nurse is sleeping! goodnight nurse, goodnight mama, goodnight DS." If that doesn't get him to stop, I ask him (with a bit of a stern tone in my voice) if he wants to sleep in mama's big bed or go back to his own bed. He always says mama's bed, so I tell him, "then, you need to lie down quietly and close your eyes. No nurse. Night night." One time he still tried a grope or two, and I did take him back to his own bed. After that, he believed that I was serious, and will now lay down without clawing at me with just a gentle reminder. Wearing a sports bra or a long nightie that makes it difficult to get "under there" can help, too.

Good luck, fellow tired mama. Post back if you find any great solutions! I will try them!

[RunningMomTegan]

LOL... we have twins separated at conception!

He ended up getting a head cold right after a rash pf particularly bad nights... So I think they were related. We've had two good night in a row, 11.5 hours of sleep. Now I'm just dreading the time change...

Originally Posted by mama2soren

I see a lot of my own 29 month old son in your description! No great advice, because we're trying some new ideas to improve his sleep, too. We're on day 3 of no naps, and he goes to sleep at night so much more easily (with 15-20 minutes of post-book cuddles, rather than 1 hour+ of fidgeting!) This helps him get to sleep earlier (7:15 instead of 8:45-9:15), which is necessary since, no matter what, he's up before dawn. Ugh.

About the midnight assaults... for the most part, we've finally got that worked out. He's nightweaned, but will usually try to dig his way in there when he comes in our bed at night. I calmly but firmly remove his hand a few times, saying "nurse is sleeping! goodnight nurse, goodnight mama, goodnight DS." If that doesn't get him to stop, I ask him (with a bit of a stern tone in my voice) if he wants to sleep in mama's big bed or go back to his own bed. He always says mama's bed, so I tell him, "then, you need to lie down quietly and close your eyes. No nurse. Night night." One time he still tried a grope or two, and I did take him back to his own bed. After that, he believed that I was serious, and will now lay down without clawing at me with just a gentle reminder. Wearing a sports bra or a long nightie that makes it difficult to get "under there" can help, too.

Good luck, fellow tired mama. Post back if you find any great solutions! I will try them!