3 and 5 year old children playing unsupervised in front yard

[Mamasjoy]

Hi everyone,

On two occasions I witnessed my just turned 3 year old niece and 5 year old nephew playing unsupervised in their front yard. A couple of weeks ago they were left for about 25 minutes and today for at least 10 or 15 minutes. My SIL is in the house getting ready (this happens just before they have an outing).

Their street is not an extremely busy street, but it is not a quiet crescent either. But I don't know if that's even relevant. The fact is, cars are driving by. I use it as a thoroughfare as others do.

Now here's my dilemma - I'm afraid to say anything to my brother because I know he will tell me to mind my own business. He's just like that. He doesn't like anyone telling him how to raise his family. He's very defensive especially when it comes to his wife (who in my opinion doesn't pull her own weight, which induces much stress in my brother's life. He does everything around the house from cooking to taking care of the kids and house - but that's another story.)

Should I mind my own business (and live with it if one of the kids gets hit by a car, God forbid) or say something to my brother?

BTW, I am not a busybody sister/SIL. I always keep my distance because I know that's what my brother wants, which I think is very sad. So formal. Is family supposed to be this way?

I'm interested in hearing what others would do in this situation.

Thanks!

[mamazee]

I don't think it's big deal for kids that age to play in the front yard. Their parents know if the younger one still goes out in the street or not. I see kids that age play outside in front and back yards all the time in our neighborhood, though my dd was 4 before she did. I vote MYOB.

[4evermom]

Do you honestly think they would run into the street? My experience with living on a moderately busy through street was that ds was more street wise than kids who lived on quieter streets. Or are you worried about their being kidnapped? Some people choose to not let the unlikeliness of that rule their lives. My ds probably would have freaked and run into the house if a car stopped...

[StrongBeliever]

My kids are that age and they get to play unsupervised in the yard. I think it's the mom and dad's call... They are going to know whether or not their kids can handle that. Seems like SIL isn't throwing them out there for hours with no intention of checking in... What's a few minutes before the get ready to go somewhere? She knows where they are and knows she'll be out after them shortl. I don't see the issue. If your brother has asked that you don't interject, this is certainly not a case that warrants stepping over that respect boundary.

[prothyraia]

My 3 year old and 2 year old play out in the front yard, sometimes while I'm in the house (usually by the sliding door, so I can see them when I glance over). They know not to go in the road. It was a huge PITA to teach them that, but they know. It's a judgement call.

I don't think anything good would come of confronting them about it, but if you're concerned (do you think that your brother maybe isn't aware of the kids being in the yard unsupervised?) you could open up a conversation with something like "Wow, how did you guys teach Timmy and Sally not to go into the road?"

It's going to be hard for you to really address this with them because you do have some judgement about your SIL being lazy (which may or may not be justified, I don't know), and it seems like your brother is aware of this. So it's going to be hard for both of you to seperate out to what degree you are genuinally concerned about the children and to what degree you're seeing an opportunity to confirm your judgement of SIL as 'not pulling her weight'.

[Thalia the Muse]

I think this is the kind of parenting decision that people make for themselves, and rarely welcome outside input on.

[Adaline'sMama]

I dont see anything wrong with playing in your front yard at three and five. When I was five I walked to my bus stop with my next door neighboor. The stop was 3 blocks from my house. My parents wouldnt have flinched at letting us play outside in the yard at three and five. Honestly, we were encouraged to.

[sarahn4639]

i have to agree, my 2 and 4 play outside by themselves all the time, both front and back. So do most of the other neighbor kids. I just keep and eye and ear open so even though you don't see me checking on them, I am.

[happysmileylady]

I don't think it's a big deal. I would just MYOB

[serenbat]

So formal. Is family supposed to be this way?

I totally agree with what the others have said-MYOB

if you told me I would question how you parent- so formal, seems to be reason for it, I would be deeply offend if you we watching to see what was going on at my home, and making judgement calls and trying to "parent" my children

how to do know you SIL was not watching them?

sadly too many parents no longer let children be children

[StrongBeliever]

Originally Posted by prothyraia

So it's going to be hard for both of you to seperate out to what degree you are genuinally concerned about the children and to what degree you're seeing an opportunity to confirm your judgement of SIL as 'not pulling her weight'.

Originally Posted by serenbat

how to do know you SIL was not watching them?

sadly too many parents no longer let children be children

[madskye]

DD is 5 now, and when she was 3 I would let her play in front for a bit when we came in from somewhere or before we went out. We don't have a fence, and it is a pretty busy road.

I understand your fear--the road could have been an issue, but it has never been one here. DD was a pretty sharp three and understood the rules of being in front (she isn't allowed past a certain tree at the midway point of our yard) and all the interesting stuff is on our porch anyway.

I think you need to give your SIL & BIL credit for knowing their children's abilities and limits.

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by mamazee

I don't think it's big deal for kids that age to play in the front yard. Their parents know if the younger one still goes out in the street or not. I see kids that age play outside in front and back yards all the time in our neighborhood, though my dd was 4 before she did. I vote MYOB.

I completely agree.

[Llyra]

My kids are 6, 3, and 3, and regularly play outside alone. I don't live on a busy street, but we do have cars coming past sometimes. My kids have enough sense to stay out of the road-- we've talked about it, and they understand, and I even once ran the car over a ripe watermelon, to show them what happens when things get hit by cars.

I do keep an eye on them-- I stay on the main floor of the house, and watch them through the window, but not continuously-- I don't see it as necessary, and if they couldn't play outside, they'd be stuck in the house with me, while I got my own work done, and that's no fun.

I would recommend minding your own business, and trusting them to work out their own family dynamics.

[Mamasjoy]

I appreciate the respectful responses here. Thank-you for that. One of the reasons for my post was to find out from the experiences of others whether or not it is common for kids this young to be playing in the front yard alone. It seems that minding my own business (which was my gut feeling, by the way) and respecting the boundaries rule in this case.

"if you told me I would question how you parent- so formal, seems to be reason for it, I would be deeply offend if you we watching to see what was going on at my home, and making judgement calls and trying to "parent" my children"

Are you implying that the formality that exists between my brother and me is rooted in my behaviour? Is that your judgement of me? Also, are you saying that I am spying??? I am not purposely driving by to see what's going on. Ultimately, I am simply concerned for the children's safety.

"how to do know you SIL was not watching them?"

I don't. I just assumed based on past experiences.

"sadly too many parents no longer let children be children"

A concern for children playing close to traffic is not letting children be children?

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by Llyra

I even once ran the car over a ripe watermelon, to show them what happens when things get hit by cars.

LOL! Fabulous. I wished I had thought of that.

OP, it seems very presumptuous of you to assume what your niece and nephew are/are not capable of, what their parents have/have not talked with them about, shown them.... If you said that to me, I'd probably just say "oh, ok" and roll my eyes and go on my way. I know best what my 3yo and 5yo are capable of, really I do. And they play outside front and back, and gasp - even out to the soccer field and over to the playground, without me standing in the area 24/7. If they go to the playground, I might finish up and come over 15-20 minutes later. Out front and back, no problem, they are often out there. At least half the time I am outside with them, because that is what they prefer, but half the time not.

[mamadelbosque]

I too would MYOB. They aren't your kids. They're *their* kids. And they are obviously OK with them playing outfront by themselves. So, what are you going to do? Call the cops? CPS?? I mean, seriously.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by Mamasjoy

"sadly too many parents no longer let children be children"

A concern for children playing close to traffic is not letting children be children?

THANK YOU! That remark kind got to me too, but I could NOT think of a cordial way of questioning it.

[mamazee]

I think the "children be children" comment is probably about how a lot of paernts don't let children play outside unless a parent has the time to be outside with them. I sometimes feel badly about that too. I think playing outside is so good for children that they should be encouraged to do it as much as possible, and personally I feel unsupervised play is ideal because it's more child-led. Though I recognize that's just an opinion on my part. Anyway, my guess is that the comment about letting children be children is not about you as much as about the current culture that doesn't let kids run around outside as much as they could.

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by Mamasjoy

"sadly too many parents no longer let children be children"

A concern for children playing close to traffic is not letting children be children?

We posted at the same time. I can't speak for the PP, but for myself, yes, I think some parents today watch too much. I would rather give children the gentle, but steadily growing, responsibility of some personal freedom. Freedom to get into a few scrapes, problem solve on their own, explore the world around them, without a parent on watch.

A 3 and 5 year old who have been given some freedoms may be very capable to be outside front without running into traffic. More than another child who has constantly had mom or dad within arms reach 24/7 and doesn't know how to interact with the world at large. JMO.