Older child acting immaturely

[MyBaby'sSmile]

I have an 8 1/2 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. Though we homeschool, we are with other families quite a bit. When we are out at various activities, my older son acts very mature. He speaks well with adults and plays "age appropriately" with kids his own age. But throughout the day at home or in the car he acts like his younger brother. He says silly things like a 4 1/2 year old would etc. And it is all the time. I am so tired of it. Yes, he wants to make his brother laugh, but they get so silly it gets out of control. I have talked with him during and after these periods and explained to him that it isn't appropriate for a child of his age to be acting or talking like that. That he may forget and act like this when he is with the older children and they won't find it so funny.

Nothing seems to help. I know they are just playing and it gets carried away, but these are the behaviours that one is trying to minimize in a four year old, and instead, the two of them egg each other on and make the behaviours frequent.

Any ideas? I have also tried ignoring them, and that hasn't resulted in anything besides me building up frustration.

[AllisonR]

Just a thought. Your 8.5 yo may be social, but at the same time bored. So he can act down to the level of the 4.5 yo, but the 4.5 yo is not capable of acting up to the level of the 8.5 yo, kwim? So this is the best he can do at these times. He doesn't have another 8 or 9 yo to converse with, he can't just converse with you, so he is doing the best he can by acting down so he can have some social interaction with the 4.5 yo. I might even say in a way even this is mature - he is mature enough to know what not to expect of a 4.5 yo and meets him at his level. So, I'd let it slide, even though I agree it would be totally annoying.

[pianojazzgirl]

My 6 yr old dd does this with her brother who is 3 yrs younger than her. Yes it can be annoying, but I'm just happy that they're playing well together! For me, as long as it didn't mean dd was actively engaging in not-ok (but normal for 3 yr old) behaviours (like hitting or grabbing instead of talking it out, or having massive temper tantrums over "minor" issues, etc) I would just let it go. However if it meant silliness in the car to the point of being distracting to the driver then I would address that as a safety issue. But yeah, besides that, I'd just get them to take their silliness to another room or outside or something if it was driving me nuts. Let them cultivate their own way of relating - really it's their relationship, and as long as older sib is not engaging in harmful behaviours, or their collective silliness is not compromising safety (like in the car) or really out-of-control loud and giving you a headache (which isn't really an 8-yr-old-acting-like-a-4-yr-old issue, but rather an it's-time-for-everyone-to-calm-down-and-have-some-quiet-time issue, IMO, since kids of any age can get hyper and loud), then I'd just let it be.