Originally Posted by Linda on the move
my advice is to postpone the wedding to give him time to change the things you want changed.
don't expect that marriage will cause a change. If he has no real interest in getting an education and building a career, there's nothing about a wedding that will make that happen.
Many of the women I know who've gone through divorce end up going through it for reasons they already knew when they got married.
i love the above, especially the bolded (i'm one of them!). if you aren't willing to marry him and be with him forever, exactly as he is right now
, then don't get married.
Originally Posted by sosurreal09
he told me i either marry him now or not at all.
does not sound good.
Originally Posted by sosurreal09
ok so his reasoning is everything is already paid for and theres no turning back b/c then we lose all the money...(you really dont get refunds at least not full)
he said he wants to be with me for the rest of his life and he will do whatever it takes to make us happy ect ect
now i have only ever had a real relationship with him. i even lost my virginity to him. (but we broke up for a while pre-baby and i had a fling) so ive been with two men sexually total.
a part of me could totally see myself with him forever, and the other part of me wants to know if there's something more yk?
when we younger we were like MADLY in love for 5 years and then it dwindled a bit. i do love him and we still have sex ect ect but how do i know that im still in love with him after the whole "honeymoon" stage?
my father has literally been trying to force me to marry DP since i was 15...no lie he even had the paperwork or w/e all filled out and we were like ummm we are not getting married!
anyways i feel it should at least be postponed and i agree completely that the whole ultimatum thing is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay immature. hes kind of immature in general...he completely abandoned me emotionally and for the most part physically my entire pregnancy...and didnt really come back emotionally until DD was 6 m/o....i was LUCKY if he changed a diaper. he would hold her sometimes...but he never spent any real time with her...but now he's a lot better...not as wonderful as i feel she nees him to be but shes really loves her daddy and he spends a good amount of time really being with her now. but of course this still bothers me a great deal and he keeps saying he apoligized and i need to get over it already...
i still feel that whole period of time should not be overlooked...
and im pretty worried if i get pregnant again is he going to do this to me?
i left him when DD was about 5 m/o and we ended up in a shelter b/c i have nowhere to go...it was horrible and i ended up coming back b/c i felt i couldn't do that to DD...
after that things improved alot.
im on unemployment and i just got $15,000 from an annuity acct. so i could start over again on my own but still how can i work? i dont have enough money for daycare certainly it would eat my whole paycheck.
my bff said she would help me but i would literally have to work 16hrs fri and sat then 8 hrs sun to make it work....i COULD do it but how would DD handle 16 hours without me? plus i would have to sleep when i got home anyways...and shes still nursing 6-10x a day.
im terrified of leaving..hes all i kow we have built our lives together and around eachother. where would i turn without him? how could i manage?
i miss my mother so much i wish i could just talk to her she would know what to do and help me. sorry OT but im pretty depressed right now
you'll lose the deposits? you lose a lot more by going through with a marriage that isn't going to work. also, if you two can decide together that marriage isn't the right choice at this moment but you are going to continue your relationship, well heck, skip the wedding but have the party anyway.
he will do whatever it takes? no he won't. if he *will* then he would already be doing it.
i can understand wanting to know what else is out there, not just in terms of a romantic relationship, but there is something to be said for being completely on your own as an adult. not just spending your life as your father's daughter and then your husband's wife.
you are right to imagine that his behavior would be much the same in the future as it has been in the past. he may grow up a bit, but he will be the same person. are you willing to accept that?
as for how you would manage as a single mama . . . if you are working but low-income, you will qualify for assistance (as well as child support, which you may or may not actually receive). i strongly encourage you to pursue a degree or license in a trade, which is actually easier (financially) as a single mother than if you were married. you'll qualify for more student aid and likely be living as well as if you were working an entry-level job, and then after school, you'll be able to earn a better living.
it sounds like a difficult place to be right now, kind of at a crossroads in life, not just in your relationship.