when is it MORE than cold feet? - Page 3

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09

oo so here are some big things.

first and foremost NONE of our family knows we are even together! we told them we broke up a few months ago b/c we were sick of everyone being up our butts about staying together or breaking it off...our wedding is me him and DD (in a gorgeous sling i made out of chiffon,lace,and beading that matches my dress!) eloping to Vegas.

secondly my depression is not b/c im with him. i have had an extremely, extremely difficult life, have been to countless therapists...meds...ect and everyone who's evaluated me and knows my whole story is completely shocked that i am as normal as i am. i had one therapist in uteer dis-belief that i could even form a relationship/connect with another human being period. its been a bit worse since the baby....i think alot of it has to do with lack of sleep and an overwhelming feeling of oh my God i need my mother.

thirdly my father is an a$$ i dont care what he wants. he abandoned me at 15 and gave me up to the state.

hes all for couseling btw. we just have to get health insurance b/c it JUST got canceled...im going to tallk to him about the whole lets compare our goals dreams ect thing

btw TY for the advice so far. i know you all dont know me but it IS really difficult when no one knows whats going on and i dont have anyone to really ask. im not close with the little family i do have, my bff wants to stay out of it (but supports me either way), and we dont want to tell anyone else anyways so...you're opinions do matter.

Are you anywhere near Oregon? If so, pm me.

I think you guys will be okay. Like you said, he's your best friend. You will both grow up A LOT in the next few years; make sure you do it together

Actually, just pm me - I have info for you that I think may help, but I don't want to post publicly.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09

first and foremost NONE of our family knows we are even together! we told them we broke up a few months ago b/c we were sick of everyone being up our butts about staying together or breaking it off

I don't get this. If the choices were "let all family know dp and I are together and if they can't butt out then cut them out of our lives" or "hide the relationship and sneak off and get married secretly and deal with the family at some point in time because they WILL find out we're married"..... I would go with the first, in a heartbeat. I love my family (extended family- parents, siblings, etc), but I would find it really disrespectful of my partner if I were to hide our relationship. Not exactly the way I would want to start a marriage.

hes all for couseling btw. we just have to get health insurance b/c it JUST got canceled

This goes back to the eloping thread you posted a couple months ago- I would spend the money on counseling in a heartbeat before I spent all that money on a Vegas wedding. You can spend all the money on counseling that you planned to spend on the wedding and THEN when you and he are both 100% comfortable with marriage go down to the courthouse and get married. Maybe $100 for the license and stuff.

[sosurreal09]

his family sucks period and my family is waaaaaaaay screwed up. they all hate eachother and some of my fam doesnt want me and dp together and vise versa. his twin sister has caused a lot of problems period b/c shes a psycho. its really complicated but the point is we were just going to FINALLY get married and say well we are married now and its for life so butt out. will it work? idk really but at least we can say we are married now so leave us alone, no one is going anywhere, i mean really you would think after 8 yrs they would have quit already...his sister is super jealous and always has been and always tries to one up us which is stupid b/c we dont play her games.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09

his family sucks period and my family is waaaaaaaay screwed up. they all hate eachother and some of my fam doesnt want me and dp together and vise versa. his twin sister has caused a lot of problems period b/c shes a psycho. its really complicated but the point is we were just going to FINALLY get married and say well we are married now and its for life so butt out. will it work? idk really but at least we can say we are married now so leave us alone, no one is going anywhere, i mean really you would think after 8 yrs they would have quit already...his sister is super jealous and always has been and always tries to one up us which is stupid b/c we dont play her games.

That sounds like people I wouldn't want to be around (and wouldn't want my children around) anyway so I would have no problem telling them to "shove it" and being very open about the relationship I am in. I would also have no problem just stopping all interactions with them if they don't have anything nice to say. End of story. I don't need that stress.

Now, if only I could find a way to calm my MIL drama

[mich]

When I was 23 I married my boyfriend of 8 years. Your post sounded so familiar in that way! We have now been married 14 years, together 22 years. But I will say, even then, I knew what I was marrying. He was very motivated and it was easy to see, even at the young ages we were. I did not worry that I was making a mistake. I don't know if that is helpful to say, but I think it needs to be said.

As another woman who was with someone for 8 years at the same age, I think you know a lot about him and how your relationship and marriage would work. You just need to take some time to think, write it out, and decide if that is what you want. With no expectations of promised changes. Kind of like "what you see is what you get."

Good luck and congratulations on your little one!