UPDATE - "I was told I couldn't BF at my child's school" post

[monica3674]

UPDATE - I received a letter from the principal explaining how she was using the "Guests in the Building" policy to ask me to move (BF is a distraction and disruption.)  Now that I have this in writing, I'm heading to the school board meeting Tuesday night.  I've prepared a packet of materials that I'm going to drop off tomorrow for each of the board members.  I'm hoping to use this as a launching board for getting a new bill up and running in the Michigan legislature.

It's the Lamphere district in Madison Heights.

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I was picking up my 5-year old from school. I had to wake up my 18-month old to go in to get her. She wanted to nurse, so I nursed her while waiting to get the 5 year old.

We were several steps into the school waiting in a hallway. The principal approached and told me that if I wanted to nurse in the school, I would have to go to the clinic to do so. I told her that I would not go to the clinic.

She asked me to come to her office to discuss it. I went. I told her the breastfeeding is a normal way to feed a child and there is no reason to shelter children from it. She said some parents might not want their children to see it. I told her I was offended that she would ask me to go elsewhere to nurse. She said that she would contact HR and the superintendent to discuss the matter.

Unfortunately, in Michigan, I have no legal right to nurse at the school. Not really sure what to do. I don't want my 5-year old to think there is something wrong with nursing. I called to make an appointment with the superintendent.

What should I do?

Thanks!
Monica

Edited by monica3674 - 12/12/10 at 7:48pm

[Youngfrankenstein]

I'm so sorry this happened to you! I don't have too much advice, just sympathy. I would have been so angry if this had happened to me. What does she mean "some parents don't want their kids to see that"? Did they tell her that?

I would absolutely make a stink!

[lynsage]

call the local news, organize a nurse in?

[rhiOrion]

So, it looks like Michigan's only stance on the matter is that breastfeeding does not = public nudity.

I would ask the principal to tell you exactly WHY they believe you should not nurse in the school.

If they keep giving you the old "some parents don't want their kids to see that" thing, you can point out that there are things your kids see at school all the time that you'd rather not see. Think of some examples before hand- spankings by parents? Kids eating extremely unhealthy food? If they make against the rules everything every parent doesn't like, then there won't be much of a school.

Eventually they'll probably get around to the whole showing your boobs thing. At that point you can say that you show less boob than a person wearing a low cut shirt (if this is true). If they press it and say that low-cut shirts aren't allowed in school, either, you can then pull out your knowledge of the one breastfeeding law MI *does* have in place- that breastfeeding does not fall under public nudity laws. And try to avoid talking about the other laws that other states have- make it sound like the MI law does more than it does. I seriously doubt they're well-versed in the laws of other states or what the MI law really means.

I'd definitely go in trying not to sound defensive or angry. Be calm and kill them will kindness. Don't let them label you as "that crazy lady." Just explain that you do not feel you should have to go to the clinic in order to breastfeed your baby, that Michigan law supports that this is not a public indecency issue, and that there are no other good reasons to tell you where you can or cannot provide nourishment to your child.

[Ellien C]

Are you sure you are allowed to BE in the school prior to pick-up? I only ask because we are not. We must wait outside the school for our children even in the rain and cold weather. OR, we have to go to the office and wait there until our children arrive if we are picking up early. If they have a policy about not parents not "wandering" the school (even if that means being inside a few feet) they might decide that now is the time to enforce it.

as an aside, I BF my son on the front steps of the school all the time this spring.

[proudmomof4]

Originally Posted by rhiOrion

So, it looks like Michigan's only stance on the matter is that breastfeeding does not = public nudity.

I would ask the principal to tell you exactly WHY they believe you should not nurse in the school.

If they keep giving you the old "some parents don't want their kids to see that" thing, you can point out that there are things your kids see at school all the time that you'd rather not see. Think of some examples before hand- spankings by parents? Kids eating extremely unhealthy food? If they make against the rules everything every parent doesn't like, then there won't be much of a school.

Eventually they'll probably get around to the whole showing your boobs thing. At that point you can say that you show less boob than a person wearing a low cut shirt (if this is true). If they press it and say that low-cut shirts aren't allowed in school, either, you can then pull out your knowledge of the one breastfeeding law MI *does* have in place- that breastfeeding does not fall under public nudity laws. And try to avoid talking about the other laws that other states have- make it sound like the MI law does more than it does. I seriously doubt they're well-versed in the laws of other states or what the MI law really means.

I'd definitely go in trying not to sound defensive or angry. Be calm and kill them will kindness. Don't let them label you as "that crazy lady." Just explain that you do not feel you should have to go to the clinic in order to breastfeed your baby, that Michigan law supports that this is not a public indecency issue, and that there are no other good reasons to tell you where you can or cannot provide nourishment to your child.

That sounds like a reasonable plan of action.

From what I remember of MI (I used to live in Grand Rapids) people are more on the conservative end of the spectrum which doesn't really help. My daughter's 5th grade teacher (a woman) was really taken aback by my suggestion to bring in my then newborn baby for sex education class and maybe even nurse him. "Oh you could never do this here - some parents would be very upset!" (As a side note: "sex education" had a different name and not everybody permitted their children to take part in it, of course.)

I wish you courage to stand up for yourself and your baby, and I hope that the law will be more explicitly on your side in the future!

[JudiAU]

Th superintendent is probably wishing the principal hadn't said anything. I would be polite and firm and then call the papers.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by proudmomof4

people are more on the conservative end of the spectrum which doesn't really help.

I am very conservative but I still would feel comfortable to feed my baby when she needed it. I may go somewhere more private for my comfort. And I really am not suprised they didn't want you to breastfeed your baby in front of the class. I wouldn't find that necessary.

[proudmomof4]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

I am very conservative but I still would feel comfortable to feed my baby when she needed it. I may go somewhere more private for my comfort. And I really am not suprised they didn't want you to breastfeed your baby in front of the class. I wouldn't find that necessary.

I politely disagree. I do believe it is necessary for children to see babies nursing. Allowing BF to be visible makes it normal - not a bad thing IMO.

BTW, I ended up nursing the mentioned baby in my daughter's classroom 6 months later in Germany. (It was still 5th grade, Biology, topic human sexuality).

[wookie]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

I am very conservative but I still would feel comfortable to feed my baby when she needed it. I may go somewhere more private for my comfort. And I really am not suprised they didn't want you to breastfeed your baby in front of the class. I wouldn't find that necessary.

YOU wouldn't but SHE did. that doesn't make her wrong or worthy of seclusion to want to provide her baby with food in public.

[PatioGardener]

Originally Posted by proudmomof4

BTW, I ended up nursing the mentioned baby in my daughter's classroom 6 months later in Germany. (It was still 5th grade, Biology, topic human sexuality).

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by wookie

YOU wouldn't but SHE did. that doesn't make her wrong or worthy of seclusion to want to provide her baby with food in public.

I didn't mean the OP shouldn't nurse at the school. I meant that I can understand why the teacher didn't take up another poster on having her breastfeed her newborn in front of the class.

[midnightmommy]

Please keep in mind also that Michigan has a split personality. Grand Rapids and West Michigan is very conservative. East Michigan is not nearly as conservative in several parts. Especially the Ann Arbor area. (I live in GR, but grew up near AA.) I've breastfed my daughter at school functions with no problems, but I usually take her to the back of the room since she like to pop off and look around when she's distracted. Honestly, if the principle does decide to take it further you'll probably win the argument. We all have school of choice here. Stepping on the rights of the parents is not something they can afford to do. I would just stand my ground if I had to nurse again at school. With I'm sorry it makes you uncomfortable, but at the moment you are the one drawing attention to what we are doing over here not me. If you don't draw attention kids don't notice.

[kittygrrl523]

update: the op is a good friend of mine...despite a polite but firm letter to the principal she hasn't changed her stance...

I don't want to tell Monica's story for her but it's bad news bears!!!!

Or maybe it's good news (well not good news but good timing) because it's a clear cut example of why we need House Bill 5515 to pass and become law. If this bill had already been voted into law then not only would the principal be in the wrong (morally, ethically, and common-sensically) but Monica would have legal protections!!!! Not that a busy mom of two even has time for it, but she would have clear grounds for a law suit and her compensation would even include legal fees.

If HB 5515 were a law then the repercussions of the principals actions would be the same as if she kicked Monica out of the school for her race, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs!

Please take some actions to help get this bill brought for a vote. Anyone can do this, even if you don't live in Michigan. Call the Speaker of the House, Andy Dillon at 888-737-3455 and tell him you want HB 5515 brought up for a vote!!

If you are a Michigan resident contact your local reps too! We have a whole plan of action (HOW YOU CAN HELP) on our new website.

http://ErinEagen.com

Find us on Facebook by searching HB5515.

[proudmomof4]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl523

(...) because it's a clear cut example of why we need House Bill 5515 to pass and become law. If this bill had already been voted into law then not only would the principal be in the wrong (morally, ethically, and common-sensically) but Monica would have legal protections!!!!

Exactly. Pity I can't vote as I'm neither a MI resident nor a U. S. citizen. I don't think I will qualify for voting rights as a former expat resident?

"Please keep in mind also that Michigan has a split personality. Grand Rapids and West Michigan is very conservative. East Michigan is not nearly as conservative in several parts. Especially the Ann Arbor area. (I live in GR, but grew up near AA.)" (by midnightmommy)

I've heard people say that before - thanks for the reminder.

"I didn't mean the OP shouldn't nurse at the school. I meant that I can understand why the teacher didn't take up another poster on having her breastfeed her newborn in front of the class." (by Youngfrankenstein)

I'm not quite sure whether I understand the idiom correctly ("not take up another poster..." - I'm German, after all). I can absolutely understand that the teacher wasn't keen on "getting into trouble with class parents" but I still find it frustrating that BF a baby wasn't normal enough to mix in with the curriculum of sex education. As said, the German teacher didn't have a problem with it at all, she was more than happy to have a "live demonstration" available.

Anyway - back to the OP's story. This isn't about my story, sorry for the sidetracking.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by proudmomof4

I'm not quite sure whether I understand the idiom correctly ("not take up another poster..." - I'm German, after all). I can absolutely understand that the teacher wasn't keen on "getting into trouble with class parents" but I still find it frustrating that BF a baby wasn't normal enough to mix in with the curriculum of sex education. As said, the German teacher didn't have a problem with it at all, she was more than happy to have a "live demonstration" available.

I hear what you're saying. I just am not suprised that in a U.S. school, people would consider that odd. I have to say, now that you've mentioned it, it really would be nice to add breastfeeding to the sex ed class. If I think about it, kids are shown "normal" fertility and birth (vaginal) and we could add the normal feeding too. Of course we know in real life there are other ways of doing things (C/S) but just giving kids an overview of what generally happens.

[monica3674]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein 

 

I am very conservative but I still would feel comfortable to feed my baby when she needed it. I may go somewhere more private for my comfort. And I really am not suprised they didn't want you to breastfeed your baby in front of the class. I wouldn't find that necessary.

This is a rather late reply, but I wasn't nursing in front of the class.  I was in the hallway with a group of parents waiting for our kids to be released from school.  I felt comfortable nursing where I was.  The principal was the one with the issue.  She was insisting that I go to the clinic if I wanted to nurse while waiting for my daughter.
 

[julie128]

You know, people never think it's rude to tell a nursing mother that she has to stop b/c someone might be offended, but it would always be considered rude to tell a bottle feeding mother to stop b/c someone might be offended.