What works for hitting?

[femalephish]

I've gotten my DD (15 months) to 'gentle touch' the cat and dogs but she still hits me and herself in the head! Sometimes she hits really hard. (she has made herself cry) It doesn't seem like she is frustrated, just like she's trying it out. and then contiues to be suprised by what happens. When she hits me she seems to think it's funny. I've tried alot:

Ive tried saying 'gental touch' and having her pet my hair like the dogs. She just shakes her head, 'no', or laughs and hits me again.

I've tried saying 'we don't hit mommy- we hit the floor!' and then knocking on the floor or wall or something that makes loud noise. sometimes that distracts her for a few minutes but then she's right back to hitting me. (this worked for biting; 'we don't bite mama, we bite toys!' and then I bite onto a toy and go grrrrr, which she loves and does now, too.)

I've tried saying, "NO" or "No hit" and doing the stern/mean face. (This is DH's prefered meathod) but she just looks sortof confused and then she does it again and smiles kind of like she's trying to figure it out.

I've tried ignoring her but then I just keep getting hit harder.

This is really bothering me and it's bothering DH and I more because he feels like she 'has to learn' and we need to be firm, but I don't feel like that works any better than anything else I've tried. I think she has to learn, too, but I don't feel like she understands. What has worked for you?

[curious&eager]

I do time outs for hitting, biting, anything that hurts a person, mainly me. My DS is 15 months and it works well. Screaming at him and smacking him, I know, both bad reactions on my part, don't work. He just laughs. But, he takes his time out seriously. I do have to pin him down a bit in the corner, but I make him stay there for a minute, then I tell him what he did wrong and we hug and he doesn't bite me again afterwards. His thing is biting. But he'll hit to and throw things at me, pull hair ... All, for us, nipped with a time out.

I don't think he would understand spanking, but he does seem to understand time out. I'm glad it's working for us, maybe it'll work for you.

[always hope]

Anything which hurts people or property is a big deal with us. DD tends to hit and bite when she is overtired so I try to avoid that. But if she does it I say No very firmly and put her down and walk away. If she does it again I repeat. I have even had to put her down outside the shower after she bit me. Don't engage with it and be very firm. I wouldn't encourage hitting anything else because I don't think you want any kind of hitting unless it is a drum.
DD sometimes hits her head but that is usually a sign she is tired or hungry and I distract her or ignore it.
I figure any behaviour which you pay lots of attention to either with positive or negative attention will increase. But there is no way I want biting or hitting going on so that one I deal with very firmly.

[DevaMajka]

Ds1 did the hitting for fun thing. He was experimenting with it, it was never out of anger or frustration (ds2 does it out of anger and frustration- that's a whole 'nother ball game, let me tell ya. lol)

What worked REALLY well for us was to
1. give information "Don't hit me. I don't like to be hit."
2. figure out the impulse- you seem to know it's an experimentation type thing.
3. Honor the impulse/redirect to a similar activity - if I thought his motivation was just to experiment with hitting different objects, I'd tell ds "oohhh, let's see what it sounds like when you hit the floor with the drumstick. Now let's see what the door sounds like" and so on.
If I thought that his motivation had more to do with experimenting with ME, I'd tell him "if you want to play with me, we can play pat-a-cake" or give me five, or whatever that I thought would interest him.

Anyway, basically it was just about realizing that his impulse was legitimate, and he was experimenting and learning, but that the WAY he was doing that was not acceptable. So I had to teach him acceptable ways to do the experimenting that he was trying to do in the first place.

Sometime between 18mos and 2yo he was redirecting himself from hitting in unacceptable ways (ie: hitting one of our dogs).

oh, and hitting was a BIG deal for me, so I did use a pretty firm voice when I told him that I didn't like to be hit. I wasn't mean, but it was pretty darn clear that I wasn't pleased with it.

[j_p_i]

My DD is 16 months and does something similar sometimes. It's not a frustration thing (rarely she has lashed her arms out in frustration, I don't think her intention was to hit, but that's another issue), more of a playful thing, as in she thinks she is playing.

What has REALLY worked well for us is to get down to her level and tell her that is not the way to treat mommy (or daddy/whoever) and if she would like our attention, she is to give a hug or a kiss only. She immediately hugs or kisses the spot where she hit. I think it works because it gives her something to do in place of that behavior, and it also gives positive attention when she does the positive behavior (the hug or kiss).