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sex after birth -- is it better for you than before?

post #1 of 57
10/14/10 at 10:19pm
Thread Starter 
The experience of giving birth has gotten me thinking a lot more about the relationship between vaginal birth and vaginal intercourse. I'm a sex educator by profession (although mostly my work is about teaching healthy sexuality to college students).

My theory is that "society" tells us sex will be worse after a vaginal birth. (in terms of both pleasure and frequency.) But at least for me, while babies aren't very good for sexual frequency , vaginal sex is both more comfortable and more pleasurable since I gave birth. (Once I was well healed, of course.)

I think it's really interesting if this is one more area where there's "good news" about women's bodies, women's relationships with their partners, and vaginal birth, yet all the media tells us is bad and scary news.

Are there others who would agree that for them, intercourse became more pleasurable after having given birth vaginally? Or am I the only one?

Feel free to reply either publicly or by private message if you prefer.

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post #2 of 57
10/14/10 at 10:26pm
This caught my eye because sex is so so much better for me now than before I had my kids. I think for different reasons though. I don't really think it has much to do with the actual birth but more my hormones. I first started reaching O while I was pregnant and now it happens all the time. I am 27 years old and never ever thought this would start happening for me. And all because of being pregnant

I know this wasn't exactly what you were looking for but thought it might be helpful. I hope I stayed within the UA
post #3 of 57
10/14/10 at 10:43pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JamieB View Post
I first started reaching O while I was pregnant and now it happens all the time. I am 27 years old and never ever thought this would start happening for me. And all because of being pregnant
Fascinating, I love it! So you never reached O at all before you were pregnant? Or you couldn't reach O from intercourse alone, and now you can?

To me these are important conversations about sexuality after birth (and how they are related!) -- it seems to fit well within the guidelines to me!
post #4 of 57
10/14/10 at 11:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by indigosky View Post
Fascinating, I love it! So you never reached O at all before you were pregnant? Or you couldn't reach O from intercourse alone, and now you can?

To me these are important conversations about sexuality after birth (and how they are related!) -- it seems to fit well within the guidelines to me!
I rarely reached O before and it was A LOT of work! lol And never ever from intercourse. Now it happens from intercourse every time, without a lot of effort. Sorry if this is too much info. lol I actually have a thread about it somewhere on here. I was so worried this wonderful "side effect" of pregnancy would stop once I gave birth. Well it definitely didn't And as you can imagine, since this is all new to me, my sex drive is through the roof. DH is in heaven!

Giving birth has been nothing but wonderful for my sex life!
post #5 of 57
10/14/10 at 11:04pm
no, i was too tight before and now I'm even tighter. dh told me he read that episiotomies can make you smaller and he was worried about that and he was right. It was never frequent but now it's like once every couple months. But I've always had a high sex drive and still do I just chose the wrong spouse and vangina I guess.
post #6 of 57
10/14/10 at 11:09pm
I think its less about vaginal birth and more about hormones. Or the idea of stolen moments with your honey while the kids are sleeping.....

Because things are quite good here and I have had 2 cesareans.
post #7 of 57
10/14/10 at 11:14pm
I also find it easier to achieve O since giving birth
post #8 of 57
10/14/10 at 11:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by lotus.blossom View Post
I think its less about vaginal birth and more about hormones. Or the idea of stolen moments with your honey while the kids are sleeping.....

Because things are quite good here and I have had 2 cesareans.
Congratulations. You're the first c-section mom I've heard say that. I've talked to quite a few moms who had vaginal births and whose sex lives improved, but never a mom who had a c-section (or more than one). Of course, I've known women who had their babies both ways, and whose sex lives stayed about the same or got worse. There's definitely no guarantee, either way.

For me, my sex life got a lot better when I met dh. I wanted more sex and enjoyed sex more than I had in a long, long time - if ever. Since I had dd1 (my second section), it's been really, really up and down. Since I had ds2, there have been a lot more downs, but that section caused extensive numbness in my abdomen and pelvis, and it definitely took its toll on my sexual enjoyment.

It is coming back (the enjoyment, I mean - the numbness hasn't changed), though...it's just been much, much too slow for my liking.
post #9 of 57
10/15/10 at 12:45am
it definitely got better for me. i had a pointy part on my ischial spine (which i don't know how to spell) which made some positions and some partners' penis piercings painful. dd1 bent/broke that, and so sex felt much better afterwards. i also noticed that my g spot was easier to stimulate after giving birth, even more so after dd2, and that orgasm was easier to reach in positions other than my favorite one. i was in a crappy marriage though, and so didn't get to practice enough. i did find though, that the changes in my appearance, like sags and stretch marks, impacted my sex life- i was insecure about my body in different ways than before.
post #10 of 57
10/15/10 at 5:22am
Much better. Not only is my G-spot lower and gets better stimulation, my orgasms are longer, better, and easier to have.

I also feel sexier, even though I have some stretch marks, I feel more self-confident after having a child.

Oh, and I don't do Kegels much (ok, never,lol), so I Know I don't feel the same as before, but dh is fine with that, no complaints!
post #11 of 57
10/15/10 at 5:58am
Totally agree, so so much better since having children.

Gspot much more easily stimulated, orgasms happen so much more easily, everything utterly totally wonderful despite what media tells us about needing to be tight and neat, I have scar tissue all through one side of my labia from two second degree tears that both went upwards instead of down and things are not like they were before giving birth at all but in the most wonderful way.
post #12 of 57
10/15/10 at 6:35am
I didn't finally find my g-spot (well, actually, DH found it for me) until well after I had given birth to my first baby. Vaginal intercourse with a man felt MUCH better for me after having a vaginal birth- throw in the G-spot discovery when I met DH and it's stellar
post #13 of 57
10/15/10 at 7:35am
I have had three c-sections. I think my sex life has stayed the same/gotten better in a lot of ways. However most of the ways it has gotten better have to do with getting older, being sexual partners for such a long time, etc. However I really hate my c-section over hang. It is so gross and it doesn't help that I need to lose about 50lbs. We assumed our sex life very soon after all the births(my idea) and there was never any pain.
post #14 of 57
10/15/10 at 9:23am
I actually had a really hard time with sex after giving birth. Both times (there wasnt a lot of time between pregnancies)

I couldnt get out of my own head. I had two totally natural vaginal births, the first one of which I needed 3 stichtes. I could not seperate the use of my vagina from that to ultimate pleasure, and it really effected how much I enjoyed sex. I still have a hard time sometimes.
post #15 of 57
10/15/10 at 9:25am
At first it got worse because my ex demanded things his way and was not open to changing the routine to include things that brought me pleasure too. He was also always very rough and I think that I wasn't quite as deep as I used to be or something because it hurt more and he just wouldn't understand that.

Now with a partner who is invested in my pleasure plus the confidence of maturity, it's the best ever!

(I had two vaginal births in my 20s and I'm mid-30s now.)
post #16 of 57
10/15/10 at 9:28am
Better here too and I had a caesar. I think it was more about pregnancy for me. It seemed to finally get rid of the lingering side effects of the OCP.
post #17 of 57
10/15/10 at 9:35am
I've had one vaginal birth. I never had any problems (since DH) with Oing, but I notice that nowadays I'm more able to do so from vaginal stimulation only, which was a rarity before the birth. DH likes it better, I was too muscular before and now I'm softer.

Funny, I was worried about it too, before giving birth.
post #18 of 57
10/15/10 at 9:51am
Two vaginal births.... I wouldn't say sex is better now, but it's definitely not worse.
post #19 of 57
10/15/10 at 10:19am
Quote:
Originally Posted by SubliminalDarkness View Post
Two vaginal births.... I wouldn't say sex is better now, but it's definitely not worse.
That. It hasn't really changed much.
post #20 of 57
10/15/10 at 10:28am
It got [a lot] better for me after the first birth, but it's been holding steady since (except for hormonal issues lately).
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › sex after birth -- is it better for you than before?