sex after birth -- is it better for you than before? - Page 2

[Storm Bride]

[QUOTE=Barbie64g;15948736]

I could not seperate the use of my vagina from that to ultimate pleasure,

I went through something similar for opposite reasons. I've really struggled with my vagina only being used for pleasure. When we're going through a rough patch, because I'm tired or breastfeeding (I so wish I were one of those women who enjoys sex as much when breastfeeding, but it's painful at first, and then uncomfortable for a long time), I get kind of mad...at dh, but mostly at my body. It's hard to handle the fact that my vagina works just fine as a sex toy...and doesn't work at all for what I wanted it to do.

[andisunshine]

Worse, way worse. I had O with vaginal intercourse about 95% if the time before birthing my first. After he was born, 0% of the time. It's been that way for about 5 years now and it sucks.

I did have stitches with my first and was hoping things might get rearranged after my second was born but he ended up a c-section and I still don't O. Manually it takes a lot of work.

[rhianna813]

My feedback is that before giving birth my vagina was fairly tight. This had pluses and minuses. For DH and previous BF’s it was ideal. For me it meant having to go slowly and sometimes discomfort during sex. It also made cervical exams more uncomfortable.

After birth I was way stretched out. Too much. It was not good for sex and we were both upset about it. After time and some kegals, things tightened up again and seem to be in a happy middle ground. And sorry if this is graphic but DH has said prebaby my vagina had ridges and now it is smooth, which takes away from the stimulation. I thought that was interesting.

All in all though the sex has been amazing because we know, trust and love each other - and this grows more each year. And we don’t take time for sex for granted anymore either LOL And when things seem different or not good, we found ways to try new things to make the whole experience better. Yeah for new things!

Rhianna

[justKate]

Originally Posted by indigosky

My theory is that "society" tells us sex will be worse after a vaginal birth. (in terms of both pleasure and frequency.) But at least for me, while babies aren't very good for sexual frequency , vaginal sex is both more comfortable and more pleasurable since I gave birth. (Once I was well healed, of course.)

I think it's really interesting if this is one more area where there's "good news" about women's bodies, women's relationships with their partners, and vaginal birth, yet all the media tells us is bad and scary news.

Are there others who would agree that for them, intercourse became more pleasurable after having given birth vaginally? Or am I the only one?

I agree that "society" puts that thought in our heads. For us, we acknowledged that things might change, and went into it with an open mind.

I didn't get to have a vaginal birth, but I made it to 10 and spent hours pushing... DH says he prefers the way things are now. Physically, things are the same for me. I think the emotional side of intercourse has changed--we are more intense now. I think 1) decreased frequency (I too am one of those that CANNOT comfortably have sex when breastfeeding); and 2) surviving DD's birth, hospitalization, and first 20 months together have made us more emotionally connected re. sex.

I think we (not we on MDC but we as humans) really underestimate the impact the birth of a child has on an engaged, loving parent. Its sort of unfathomable to me, and I think it affects the whole family relationship, including the parents' sexual relationship.

[Birdie B.]

Better for me, definitely!

[Lolagirl]

Yes, I have definitely noticed that it's better than it was before my VBAC 5 months ago. Without getting into details that would violate the UA, I will just say that the apparent difference in architecture has only been an improvement instead of being to my (or my husband's) detriment. My twins were a c-section, and I was so physically uncomfortable and just plain old not in the mood for months and months after their birth. The difference this time around has really been a pleasant surprise!

[mambera]

No change here really. Things were a bit looser shortly after the birth - not in a good way - but everything went back to normal over time.

[Banana731]

better for me after dd2 (VBAC) but not as good as pre-dd1 (c/s). Of course back then, it was different. I was younger, I was dating, having a good old time.

I'm a lot happier in my marriage now in general then I was after dd1, and have been pretty much since dd2. I do think it has something to do with the whole sex/ birth cycle though. It's a powerful thing for me.

[Flower of Bliss]

I had a 4th degree tear with DD1. Our first attempts at penetration (about 8 weeks out) were unbearably painful. It took 4 months for it to be tolerable, and 6 months to be pleasureable. Now, however, it's WAY better than it ever was pre-kids (and I've been nursing or pregnant since my first birth). I do think some of that is physical changes after the birth. I suspect some of it is also hormonal.

Some of it is also my relationship with DH. I fall more in love with him every day watching him father our girls. Our connection is much more intense now than it was prekids (and we were together 12 years total and married 7 of them before kids).

Some of it is also related to tta/ttc. We spent our first years of having sex actively tta. It was a source of much stress and concern on my part, and definitely interfered with our sex life. Then, we spent 2 years actively ttc DD1, including fertility treatment (oh the irony).

[kijip]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

Congratulations. You're the first c-section mom I've heard say that. I've talked to quite a few moms who had vaginal births and whose sex lives improved, but never a mom who had a c-section (or more than one).

I'm another one. 2 c/s- one after full dilation and hours of pushing, one after a scheduled due to medical need (we had planned for a VBAC at a birth center but I developed severe pre-eclampsia). Sex is def better now than before kids, but in my case I think it is being older, more comfortable with my husband and us just knowing each other better. I don't think the c/s specifically helped.

[LoMaH]

Another one here who finds sex better post-birth (2 vaginal) than pre. I was too tight for my own pleasure.
I just wish the rest of me (abs, rear, etc.) remained in the prebirth condition, ah, such is life.

[Lauren710]

Originally Posted by lotus.blossom

I think its less about vaginal birth and more about hormones. Or the idea of stolen moments with your honey while the kids are sleeping.....

Because things are quite good here and I have had 2 cesareans.

I agree.. one cesarean here and things are just as good as, if not better than, before (and it was always really good for me pre-pregnancy/pre-baby).

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by kijip

I'm another one. 2 c/s- one after full dilation and hours of pushing, one after a scheduled due to medical need (we had planned for a VBAC at a birth center but I developed severe pre-eclampsia). Sex is def better now than before kids, but in my case I think it is being older, more comfortable with my husband and us just knowing each other better. I don't think the c/s specifically helped.

I actually think it's going better for me these days, but I'm sure it has to do with the relationship status and increasing age (for me, at least, my libido went down as I aged, but my sexual satisfaction went up, overall).

Having had multiple c/s, in two different marriages, and at different stages of our relationships, I know the sections have been detrimental. (If nothing else, the nerve damage screwed things up in a big way.)

I learn something new about the effects of c/s here (MDC) all the time. Even though I try not to fall into the trap of thinking my experiences are universal, I still do it a little, and it's good to be reminded that they're not.

[Emmeline II]

Better for me. I had issues with pain and the feeling the "head" kept getting caught up in there; it went away after the birth of #1.

[Bebe's Mom]

I am another c/s mama and I see not much difference, but if I had to say, definitely better. I agree that it is mostly hormones, although I have noticed that things seem to have been rearranged a bit. When I was prego, I definitely had some raging hormones, and my poor DH tried to keep up with me...We never had any problems with sex prepregnancy and enjoyed it often.

[lafemmedesfemmes]

before my first birth, i had orgasms easily, and enjoyed sex just fine.

after my first vaginal birth, things were about the same, once my minor tear healed.

after my second vaginal birth, once another minor tear healed, sex was astoundingly better, especially considering how orgasmic i was before my first birth. dh says that i don't feel much different to him, perhaps a bit tighter, but for me, whatever happened during that birth really changed things for me. i wonder what the difference is? i didn't expect that at all!

after my third vaginal birth, sex was the same as after my second birth-- amazingly good... and i didn't have to wait for any tears to heal!

christina

[june'smom]

After dd1, I had one small tear that the midwife stitched up too tightly. Sex was not comfortable for me, and dh said it was different for him too.
I tore with ds also (about 2 years later), but let it heal naturally and things went back to "normal" for me.

Dh did say that after having kids, I have a spot (very small-think pin head) that he says "bites" him. He tells me it is a very sharp, direct pain and only effects him in some positions. Don't know what causes it, but we just have to be a bit more careful.

Overall, sex is better for us, but I think it has more to do with our partnership improving than any physical thing.

[lookatreestar]

same? still good... however i don't go on for hours because it does get sore a lot faster. fwiw my partner is intact and that makes the biggest difference imo. oh and i had a 10lber

[journeymom]

No, a vaginal birth didn't make intercourse particularly more comfortable for me, at least not in the specifically physical way you're asking about. No worse, no better. Dh did notice that I was looser after our eldest was born.

However in the long run I think the whole experience helped me lighten up and enjoy sex quite a bit, in a way I hadn't enjoyed it before.

My vagina being examined and poked and prodded repeatedly throughout pregnancy was just the start. Being on the table with feet up, private parts under a bright light does something to a person. Or me, anyway.

Then labor and delivery with strangers attending, allowing the L and D nurse to stick her fingers up my vagina periodically throughout the day, holding my knees up to my shoulders for everyone to see, I just had to get over my intense self-consciousness.

And to add humiliation on top of an already intensely self-conscious situation, there was the pooping while pushing that no one warned me about. That took a long time to recover from.

Regardless, this all led to better sex! I'd been forced to get comfortable with my sexuality and my reproductive system, I finally felt like a grown woman, and I was able to allow Dh 'in' in a way I hadn't before. There was a lot more to this metamorphosis than this, but suffice it to say, per the title of this thread, Yes, sex was better after birth than it was before birth.

Off to read the rest of the responses.

[Roxswood]

I wonder how much your experience of birth affects things? It seems obvious that it would but I don't want to jump to that conclusion iyswim.

I had two idyllic home births that left me feeling so empowered, strong and womanly and I couldn't wait to dtd with dh afterwards. I think we waited 10 days first time round and only 5 or 6 the second time around. Both times I had a small second degree tear that was left unstitched and healed naturally. The first time around it was uncomfortable to a small degree afterwards altho I still got a lot of pleasure out of it but the second time all the old scartissue tore open and healed much more quickly and better and I've had no pain there since about a week after her birth.