Joyful morning routines

[SheSpeeds]

Hey thoughtful and compassionate mommies, I'm on a quest for a solution to a difficult and COMMON problem... Our morning process of getting up and getting the kids off to "school" (day care, they're 1 and 3.5) is anything but joyful. I walk my kids to school in the morning and I can hear within every house who has children, from toddler through teenager, parents yelling about getting out the door on time and the criteria by which they need to fulfill before doing so, or kids screaming because they don't want to meet those criteria. You know, shirt, shoes, breakfast, and getting out the door.

What this means to me, walking through my neighborhood of ghouls (and that's not a halloween reference specifically), is that without a solution we're destine to another 15 years of screaming sucky mornings, my 1 year old will join in choir soon.

The cause of this, I imagine, are the following:
* We the parents wake up slowly more so some mornings than others, as do they.
* Being told what to do in the morning isn't fun
* Parents are slow to get our fun on around such tasks
* Parents wake up with work in mind.
* There is a point in the morning where they're walking out the door no matter what because of obligation to be timely at work.
* Repeating the same routine that didn't work yesterday expecting it to work
today.

It's just a tough part of the day to interact and DO collaboratively, for all
parties involved. So what to do about it? Seems like an ounce of solution is
far less energy than 15 years of pushing the kids out the door to school.

So, if you've figured it out, share your secret, otherwise ladies, let's see if
we can come up with something. I'm not willing to submit to such a crappy
morning for everyone in the family indefinitely. I want joy, compassionate, anda great embark on the rest of the day.

[madskye]

It changes periodically, but for us it seems like the less time we have in the morning, the better. DD is in kindy, and right now I wake her up 45-30 minutes before the bus comes. I let her eat her breakfast on the couch and watch Superwhy. I hang out and drink my coffee then, too. 15 minutes before the bus, she gets dressed. 5 minutes before the bus she brushes her teeth and we do hair and shoes and then out the door.

The more time we have in the morning, the more she wants to get into something--and that's a problem. Conversely, she also likes to sleep late, and this way she gets the feeling of sleeping in a bit.

We rarely fight in the morning. Afternoons however...

[JaneS]

My DS is older but a morning chart has been great for him starting at age 5. He really took to it well and felt a sense of accomplishment in completing each task. He helped draw pictures and decorate it too... you can do a chart for kids that can't read yet that way too. He also knows he can watch a few minutes of TV if he is all breakfasted, ready and dressed so that helps hurry things along too!

It was harder when he was 3. It seemed like he had to constantly had to poop when it was time to leave! Honestly our mornings are terrific now, it doesn't have to be as bad as you hear, give it time. (I'm jealous you get to walk to school!)

[Vancouver Mommy]

We set the alarm for 7am and leave for school at about 8:45. Some days it still seems rushed. I try and make sure at least one parent sits down with them at the table (usually the other is showering) and that they are dressed before they eat. I like them to have teeth done before my daycare girl arrives at 8:15. That way we have a few minutes to read books before we have to leave for school. Another important factor has been an earlier bedtime. DD needs nearly 12 hrs sleep, so we try to have them in bed by 7:30pm.

[Learning_Mum]

I find the more time you have the more peaceful it is.

We get up about two hours before we need to leave which gives everyone time to wake up slowly. I also put cartoons on in the morning because I'm not a morning person!

More time means that I can make DS1 lunch. Have a bath. Get dressed. Drink a couple of cups of tea. Make the kids breakfast and get DS2 dressed. I would get very frustrated when DS1 wouldn't get dressed but the other day I warned him we were going to be late and told him if we were then he would need to apologise to his teacher and explain why we were late. He mucked around. We were late. We got to school and he wouldn't apologise (he's only 5yo) so I told the teacher that I was sorry we were late and that DS1 had been mucking around and wouldn't get dressed which is why we were late. So far that seems to have done the trick and he gets ready quicker (because you don't want to be in trouble with the TEACHER!!!!)

[Tjej]

I prep everything possible the night before. Clothes, breakfast, my stuff... It really speeds everything up. I also try to be ready 15 minutes before we need to go, so that when the inevitable 5 or 10 minute thing comes up, we have the time.

Tjej

[~PurityLake~]

My daughters are 4 and 5 years old. My 4 year old stays home with me, while my 5 year old just started Kindergarten this year. Before this, we had no schedule and no arbitrary rules. I started getting them to bed earlier about 2 weeks before the start of school. The school bus arrives at 8:37 am.

Routine definitely helps, along with preparation.

The night before, we eat dinner, play a game or read, bathe, cuddle, and I tuck them into bed on time.

Everything is in an easy to grab location which is put there the night before.

The alarm goes off at 7:30 am. I turn it off and I turn on the local classical music station. My oldest daughter calls it ballerina music and it's her favorite kind. I turn it on fairly loud because they play quick, momentum producing tunes in the morning and that's hard to ignore.

We always snuggle for a while in bed and tell her what time we have to get out of bed.

I also made up a song I sing to her that I sing when I turn off the radio.
"Good morning, Sunshine,
Good morning Jewel (I couldn't think of anything else to rhyme with school), Good morning Sunshine,
It's time for School."

At 7:45 am, I tell them to look at the clock. It's time to get dressed. I then leave the bedroom after getting them started with dressing.
I get myself dressed and ready.

I meet them in the living room shortly after 8 am where I do their hair and help them get shoes, coat, gloves and school bag. I remind her if she has to turn in her homework or give a note to her teacher, which is already in her notebook in her school bag.

We hold hands and talk on our walk to the bus stop. They run around playing with the other kids at the stop. Then they find me for lots of hugs and kisses when they see the bus coming.

Luckily, she gets breakfast at school at 9 am and Sophia and I make and eat breakfast together after we get home.

I know the way my morning goes can affect my mood for the whole day, so I do my best to make it as pleasant, joyful and loving as possible.

[Oubliette8]

Have you tried playing music? Not only is it impossible to stay in bed while a lively, happy tune is playing, but it generally puts people in a good mood. And the tempo encourages faster movement with morning stuff. I've seen it work with kids a bit older, never tried it with kids so young, but its worth a try. Pop in an upbeat, happy cd that they (and you- music helps sleepy crabby grown ups too!) like and THEN go wake them. keep the music playing until everyones ready and eating breakfast or until your walking out the door.

[mooshersmama]

We get up very early - not necessarily by choice, DD is just an early riser! But it helps. We have plenty of time to chill on the couch watching cartoons. I set the coffee up the night before so it is ready when we get up. I also give warnings, like, in five minutes we're going to turn off TV and get dressed, etc. We still have some rushed mornings but most of the time it's fine.

[happysmileylady]

With my teen, I had her getting herself ready from pretty early on. Partly intentional, but mostly that we didn't have an option. The time I had to be at work, my commute time, and the time she had to be on the bus just never meshed well. Dh worked nights and often, I was having to leave before DD had gotten on the bus, but DH was sleeping. He could be roused enough to make sure the house didn't burn down, and if she missed the bus, he could take her, but mostly, he was simply not functional enough to finish getting her ready. So, sometimes around the end of first, beginning of second grade, I taught her to to make her own lunch, how to make it nutritionally balanced, taught her how to fix her hair (it's super curly and requires extra work) and then had to have her do it herself.

Now, I haven't ever had to get toddlers ready for daycare, so I can't help there.

And, now, we do still have some morning issues. None of us are morning people, and neither DH nor DD seem to want to eat breakfast or make their lunches anymore, so if I don't, they don't eat all day. Not healthy for either of them.

[oaktreemama]

We still co-sleep with our 2 1/2 yr old. We wake up around 7 am when hubby jumps in the shower. I rub my little boy's back and start singing to him. Then I start kissing him and he begins to wake up.

He might nurse a bit, or want to read, and then is ready for more kisses. Once Daddy is done showering my little guy is ready to run into the bathroom and potty and watch his Daddy shave.

I get dressed quickly and grab coffee. I get my son dressed and ready for daycare. I check my email (I am a full time WOHM) and than drive my boy to daycare-it is only two miles down the road.

I too find that how I wake up sets the tone for the entire day.

[Holiztic]

Well, SAHM homeschooler here and we're still in PJs at 10:30 (not our usual day, but he's very fussy this morning so we're going really slow), BUT I did just finish reading "Hold On to Your Kids" and it has a whole section about "collecting" your kids, which means connecting to them after each separation (even if it's just sleep or school). The idea is to get them to spend a few minutes (or more) totally engaged with you, so you are looking into their eyes (one on one) and talking (or with a 1 year old cuddling, nursing, whatever). We talk about our day or about dreams or just make up silly jokes. Whatever gets him focused on DH or me (whomever he's re-connecting with).

The goal is to get them kind of 'on your side' and that after that they'll be more likely to listen to you, work with you, etc.

I don't know how this would work with a busy morning schedule--I know my 3.5 year old does not respond well to leaving the house any sooner than 2 hours after waking, but I thought I'd share it as it might help!

[cjam]

My kids are 4 and 5. The school bus comes at 8:10.

They get a good night sleep. Lights out by 7:30pm especially for the 4 year old, I can be a little more lax with the 5 year old.

DH and I are up and showered, dressed and ready to start the day by 7. The kids both like having an alarm clock set so it's set for 7. At about 7:05 I go into their rooms and ask what they'd like for breakfast. I go down and cook it and we have a family breakfast together at 7:15ish.

By about 7:40 we're upstairs getting dressed, teeth brushed, hair done. I help the 4 year old, DH helps the 5-year-old.

At 8:00, I tell them to put on their shoes. I pack their lunches and we are out the door by 8:05.

What helped the most - getting them to bed early and having the parents ready for the day before the kids get up.

No TV, no games, no playing.

[sewchris2642]

My solution is to do less in the mornings. I don't wear makeup, wash my hair, or take a shower in the morning so it takes me 15 minutes tops from getting out of bed to being dressed ready for the day. And I don't cook breakfast on days that I have to leave early in the morning. I'll make muffins, breakfast bars, pancakes, etc. ahead of time to be eaten cold or reheated by me or the child. There were many days when Dylan would go to dc (family home dc) in a clean diaper and pjs. I either got him dressed at dc or the dc provider did. Many of the children went to the dc in pjs. Dc also provided breakfast for those children who came before 8 am. Diaper bag was left at dc and brought home on the weekends to be filled and taken back on Mondays. Now that Dylan's in school, he packs up his backpack in the evening before he goes to bed so it's all ready to take to school. When in elementary school, Dylan walked to school and usually ate breakfast at school. That was not ideal but he doesn't wake up hungry and the 1/2 mile walk to school gave him an appetite. Now he frequently eats in the car on the way to school. We leave the house at 7:30, school starts at 8. Same now that we drive as when we walked. I also get up before Dylan so I can wake up in peace and quiet with my coffee and computer. Dylan only has enough time to get ready for school and walk/ride to school in the morning. If I wake him up early so he'd have more time, he would mess around playing and not have enough time because he thought he had lots of time and it would get away from him. And, yes, there was yelling to "hurry up, you'll be late" days. Less now that mornings have become routine over the years. Now, it's "Mom, we'll be late" because I'm on the computer.

[newbymom05]

I have a 5 and 2 y/o. The 5 y/o has to get to kindy, the 2 y/o has to come along for the ride. Here's my secret: lots and lots of coffee. Seriously. I wake up an hour+ earlier then the kids, have my coffee, get totally dressed and ready to go. At 7 I turn on all the lights/open blinds to reset our inner clocks and focus on gently and patiently getting DS1 up. What also helps us not rush is having his backpack and lunch already packed up and in designated places (by door/in fridge) and his clothes laid out, breakfast prepared and DH in charge of it so I can focus on the 2 y/o if I have to. We do the exact same thing every morning at around the same times so we're all pretty much on autopilot, which also helps.

The 2 y/o is a total pill sometimes, refusing to get dressed, eat, or get out of my arms until the last possible second--have no solution there but wondering the age I can safely give my children coffee.

So far in my very limited experience, the key for us is NO RUSHING. If I act at all rushed or impatient, it sets a bad tone and things degenerate quickly into yelling and tears.

[SheSpeeds]

Originally Posted by newbymom05

but wondering the age I can safely give my children coffee.

So far in my very limited experience, the key for us is NO RUSHING. If I act at all rushed or impatient, it sets a bad tone and things degenerate quickly into yelling and tears.

Ha ha ha! About the coffee.
Good idea about not taking a rushing tone. I can be a twerp about the time or I can be pleasant, and ultimately we're ready at the exact same time in the mornings I think.

[SheSpeeds]

He's the list so far...

Of course everyone has a different morning routine, different things that are appealing or unappealing. I've asked a different group this same question, so here's my list of ideas:

Get myself up earlier
Dry erase board with tasks to check off
Cuddle time
Talk about the day (things that they would look forward to)
Remind them about fun things at where they're headed
Play music - upbeat, both parties like
Bathroom routine that starts and ends in one visit.
Teach reasons for doing things "timeliness is important to them because...parents going to work is important to them because...
Avoid a "Rush" tone
Avoid games, play, TV, extras unless there is time built into the routine. (which personally is not my style).

We cuddle in the bed before we get up, but today, we cuddled for a few minutes before leaving the house, and my 3.5 year old responded very well amidst his near-tantrum.

[hopefulfaith]

Our mornings are actually really, really peaceful, for the most part. I work hard to keep them that way.

I get up early to have a cup of coffee and read for 20 minutes before I wake the kids. It really helps me to begin this way.

I wake my ds up earlier than he has to - perhaps 10-15 minutes, just so we have time to snuggle on the couch before he has to get ready for school (8am kindy, half day).

My dd doesn't always need to snuggle as much as she feels the need to "do art" before school (preschool 3 mornings a week), so I leave 15 minutes for her to color and cut and glue before I ask her to start getting ready; she leaves an hour later than ds, so her wake-up is a little more flexible.

We lay clothes out the night before, and get backpacks and stuff ready then - they're by the door, next to shoes. No changing your mind about what to wear. ((we had to address this with my dd))

Breakfast is simple: toast or cereal and yogurt or cheese.

After breakfast/getting dressed, to the bathroom for grooming, etc. My daughter's hair is deliberately short during this season in our life - she cannot stand having her hair styled or brushed too much, so I keep it short to maintain the peace.


No TV, no games, no fooling around. I'll read a book if everyone's ready before it's time to go. Otherwise, we keep it extremely simple. I have found that I really enjoy our mornings, with all four of us getting ready together. It's a fun time for us -- dh and dd compete to see who can have the rhyming-est good byes on their way out the door. Ds takes delight in "reminding" me about his snack -- he thinks I would forget it if it weren't for him.

It's nice.

[Girlprof]

OMG, I was just this morning thinking, when can I give my 6 year old coffee? LOL.

We are not always perfect in the mornings but we aren't terrible. DH takes DD to daycare and they leave the house together around 8:15. I take DS to school and we leave around 8:50. DH gets up at 6:30 to shower and I get up around 7 to shower and get the kids rolling.

It helps us a lot to do as much as possible the night before, especially lunches. It helps to not yell. Much of the other advice you're getting on here holds for us too. Another thing we did was make a breakfast schedule. My mom always had this - I still remember most of the things we had on which days (i.e., Thursday was french toast day). So each morning, we can look at the schedule to see what is for breakfast. Anyone who wants cold cereal can deviate from the schedule at any time for the cold cereal default. This week, we ended up having "extra" muffins around so although today was eggs and muffins day (and we are now out of muffins) we could say, let's look back a day and eat that. So, a plan, but a flexible one.

The other thing that really helps is DS knows that if we leave early enough, we can walk, which he prefers. That's an incentive to move things along.

[crowcaw]

Our mornings are usually pretty good once my 5yo twins have gotten over seeing who is going to get my attention first thing; there's almost always some fighting right when they wake up and we're still working on that, but once they've had sufficient time it goes along pretty smoothly. The things that are important for me: having myself entirely ready before they wake up, having they're lunches packed and anything else they have to carry ready by the door before they get up, getting dressed before we leave their room prior to breakfast, having clothes picked out the night before, brushing teeth and combing hair right after eating and me telling stories as a distraction while it's going on (cuts down on goofiness and stalling), and as an incentive to getting everything done in a timely fashion, the prospect of a book before we leave if we have enough time. I'd say 90% of the time things go smoothly enough that we have time for the book. Getting into the car used to be our biggest problem but lately I've been "forgetting" something in the house and they rush to buckle up before I've returned.