Friend with depression and anxiety

[mamahen2coop]

So my Best friend in the world delivered a week ago via cesarean. She's had long standing moderate to severe anxiety pre-pregnancy. She's exhausted, as we all are in the first weeks, and cant sleep. She said she cant nap because of the anxiety. She feels like baby was a mistake and that she wont be able to handle being a mom. She has full support from her DH and her mom, who has been staying with them since the birth. She's started meds, and has some meds to help with sleep.
What I want to know from someone who has been in her shoes, is what do I say and do to help her and support her? I live almost 2 hrs away from her.

[lunarlady]

You could see what things are worrying her, then offer specific support in those areas. Is she worried about breastfeeding? Maybe find a LC that can do a home visit with her. Worried about her home? Clean for her one weekend, or arrange a housecleaning service for her. The worst part about anxiety is people telling you that your worries are baseless, or that you are being silly or stupid to worry about these things. When you suffer anxiety, your fears are very real and very consuming, and it helps to have friends and family that take your concerns seriously and take actions to help.

[mamahen2coop]

She is just anxious. She doesn't talk about the housework (her mom and husband are with here 24/7 and doing everything) or anything like that. Just that her mind wont stop enough for her to sleep and that she didn't realize it would be this hard and that she doesn't know if she can do this and maybe it was a mistake. She loves the baby and never puts her down. I think she cant stand to hear her cry because her anxiety level goes up so high trying to figure out what to do.
She's still very unsure of herself with breastfeeding although from the feeds I saw when I was there, they looked great. She just relies on someone else to help baby get positioned but I'm sure she'd be fine on her own... if she trusted herself to do it.

I mostly wondered if there were certain things to say or not to say when I call to check in with her that are either helpful of not. She, her husband, her mother, and myself are all medical professionals so we do know that her worries aren't baseless and that she's not going to miraculously get better once she starts sleeping better.

[shotmama]

in the early days (DD is now 1), a public health nurse used to come and visit and saw that i was very similar to your friend. the nurse did point out that it was all mostly caused by the lack of support from family member (although DH was very supportive).

and it turns out she was right cause once i moved farther away from family it really gave me more confidence as a mother when DD was 4 months.

maybe try and help her find out what is causing her lack of confidence? talking with other moms with slightly older babies might help as well. she could find out what is normal for her and what is not when she sees how other people do things in their own way. i find that asking some moms of 2 or 3 year olds (to compare to my then newborn) i got a lot of, 'i'm not sure. it was so long ago. i don't remember..'

i DO remember that when people would say, 'you're thinking too much.' or 'your baby is fine. stop worrying,' or, 'you need a break. maybe leave baby with us and go out for a bit on your own?' ... i would get even MORE anxious! because i felt like people were just saying i was crazy!

i think validating how they people feel gives them more confidence in the end. but ofcourse, do it within reason.