Let's Talk Schedules and Routines!

[AnnaNova]

so im reading this book http://www.amazon.com/SuperBaby-Chil...7112027&sr=8-1

and im surprised but i actually like it, so far it seems like it sort of summarizes all the important stuff: importance of attachment, touch, babycarrying vs carseat carrying, reading, playing, not letting kids watch tv and so on.
she mentions in passing "sleep training" - thats the only part i disliked,
she also talks a lot about routines and schedules and importance of that, especially for toddlers. it makes them feel confident and powerful knowing what comes next, adds a sense of security. I sort of know that, and we sort of have a schedule, but only sort of.
so i was wondering, HOW STRICT IS YOUR SCHEDULE/ROUTINE? if you dont have one at all, what were your reasons?
my son knows that when we wake up, we'll brush teeth, hang out, have breakfast. he goes down for a nap anywhere between 11 and 1pm, has lunch afterwords. our bedtime routine is pretty well set, too. other than that, things vary daily. sometimes we run errands, sometimes we stay at home, sometimes we cook and clean, sometimes we play all day. on the days that i work, and he goes to his grandma or stays with daddy, things are different too.
this book has gotten me thinking, how scheduled is enough scheduled?

[JordanKX]

I don't know this book.

BUT... for us, DS is 13mos... we are "loosely" scheduled. I am a planner, it's just my nature. But I am not a daycare provider. Meaning... I don't have 15 minute increments for everything. I don't make sure we've covered all types of teaching every day. Actually... I'm probably lacking in some Teaching parts.

It's not just that he eats when hungry, sleeps when tired... that happens. But... he's much more "clock" oriented... normally he has lunch around noon, and Wants to go for a nap around 12:30-1pm. but, if we're out... whether just running errands or at a playgroup, he'll go down earlier/later, depending on the stimulation.

I work from home (rarely) and am also a grad student (normally during naps... but sometimes I need to work while he's awake too)...
but I make sure that every day includes:
- books
- educational toys (stacking, shapes, sounds, singing)
- outside - exploring (he's an only child.. so just him exploring... sometimes, depending on whether or not I take advantage of the laptop time, I'll be in the garden with him, point out creatures, really encourage... and others, it's just him eating dirt and me making sure it's not cat-loved on-dirt)
- crazy lovey physical play... running together, chasing, peek-a-boo, pulling up shirts, raspberries, wrestling

I haven't been so great on getting him down to diaper and finger-painting; or picking him up so "we" can play piano. The piano we do a few times a week. Often we'll play instruments, tambourine, congos/bongos.

And every now and again, I need 20 minutes to do laundry... so I'll throw in the Singing Babies dvd that I find totally creepy, that he LOVES, cause it's babies "singing" nursery rhymes.

Schedule? Not so much... just making sure we get all the elements in during the day... one big nap in the middle.

[just_lily]

I am a daycare provider, and I still don't have every 15 minutes scheduled.

I haven't read that book either, but I do think it is helpful to keep eating times and sleeping times about the same every day. I believe it is like having mile markers on the highway.. the kids are better able to predict their days.

My DD wakes up anywhere between 7 and 8am. My daycare kids start arriving at 7:30. I feed DD and whoever else I am feeding breakfast that day, get DD dressed and washed, try to grab a cup of coffee and the kids hang out and play. Usually by about 9am we leave to do an outside activity. We attend a few playgroups, go to the library, spend the morning at the park, etc. We usually have a snack while we are out.

We come home between 11 and 1130, have lunch, and get ready for naps. The kids usually sleep between noon and 2ish.

Then we have another snack, and play until parents come. All the kids are usually gone by 5:30.

Then I make dinner while DD hangs out with Daddy. We have dinner, some family time, and DD gets ready for bed at 7pm.

That is during the week. On the weekends it pretty much all goes out the window, and I can really tell a difference with DD. But I figure 5 out or 7 days isn't too bad!

[Honey693]

We started a loose routine when DD was around a year. It changes every few months and I just had a baby so it's pretty much out the window. Right no we're trying for this, but everything is give or take an hour.

up - 1030am
breakfast - 11am
lunch 1-130pm
nap - 230-330pm
up from nap - 5-530pm
dinner 530-6pm
bed 1030-1130pm

If we have to go somewhere during the morning though we're up at 830 or 9 and the whole schedule is pushed up by 2 hours except bedtime. This only happens maybe once a week though. DD snacks at random times throughout the day, but so do I.

[just__angel]

Ours currently is a loose schedule- by sequence rather than by time.
The kids always know what comes after each thing but never look at the clock.
I found that most all of my kids really had to have this or they'd be miserable. Into everything, crabby, snacky, etc.

I do have 1 child tho who thrives on a very strict schedule. He likes seeing on paper that at 9am he is going to feed and walk the pets and at 9:15 he'll put his laundry away. He also loves having an alarm go off at the end/start of the slotted time.
While everyone else is excited about an impromptu park visit, he'll get anxious that he wont be able to do x on his schedule.

I dont think theres any RIGHT way, only a way that works for you.
If your families thriving on the schedule/lack of that you've got, no worries ;-)
You'll definately know if/when you need to adjust it.

[bodhitree]

We do have a daily routine that gets followed most days.

-Up at 7-7:30
-Breakfast
-Make beds, wash dishes, general tidying
-Mama's shower time
-DD gets dressed
-We leave the house around 9:30-10 for a playdate, going to the park, going to the gym, or running errands
-Back around 11:30 for lunch
-Nap at noon, usually lasts 1-2 hours
-Then we spend the afternoon playing, cooking, doing chores around the house, or sometimes leaving the house to do more errands
-Dinner around 6:30
-Bedtime routine around 7:30
-Asleep at 8:00

With snacks, nursing, playing, and reading books interspersed throughout the day. I think yesterday we read about 20 books in 4-5 different sessions.

So I guess we have a pretty firm routine, but that's because it works well for us. DD has never been a great sleeper, and making sure that we have a routine that is pretty consistent day to day is the difference between bad sleep and truly horrendous sleep.

[mommy_to_2angels]

We have a pretty even routine. Nothing to strict and crazy but I work full time too. So it goes something like this.

6:30 Mommy up - jumps in shower
6:45 DD and DS up and toss them in the tub (sometimes she takes a shower, this one is kinda touch and go) Wash the kids real quick and let them play for 5-10 mins while I dress and doing to morning stuff
7:00 Breakfast and then shoes and backpacks and whatnot
7:30 out the door to get DD to the bus stop
7:45 Drop DS off at daycare
8:00 I get to work
5:00 I leave
5:15 I get the boy
5:30 I get DD from my mother
5:45 get the kids settled in to play for half an hour while I cook supper
6:15 we eat and get cleaned up
7:00 DS goes to bed (If he doesn't go to bed on time, he's a miserable little git)
7-8:00pm DD does her homework and we get Mommy/DD time
8:00 story and bedtime for DD

We have the same routine every day except the weekends and then the only thing that changes is lunch time at 12:00pm and nap time at 1pm-ish. I never thought of myself as a schedule person but I guess because my son thrives on a schedule I adjusted. It seems to work well for my daughter too tho.

[red and lulu]

I'm trying to get dd (15 mo) on a schedule to no avail. My schedule is so all over the place that I'm finding it nearly impossible to have any sort of routine. I'm really starting to lose my mind....

[dividedsky]

there are some basic elements that stay the same from day-to-day, even though activities change.

wake around 7:30
breakfast
play with toys, color, whatever while i clean up kitchen and see DH off to work
9:30ish - get dressed, go out and do something (grocery shopping, playdate, etc)
11ish - snack, hang out and read or do something mellow
11:30ish - nap
1:30ish - lunch
some sort of activity... errands... go for a visit... run around in the yard...
4ish - substantial snack
5 - sesame street while i make dinner, clean up the kitchen, toss in a load of laundry, whatever i have to do
6ish - dinner
7ish - bath
read books
bed

our routine really works for us (me and 20-month-old twins). the times and activities are fluid, but the rhythm is the same from day-to-day.

[Aufilia]

We didn't have much of a schedule until I got to seriously reading some sleep books (Sleepless in America, No Cry Sleep Solution) and decided we had to have one.

At the moment it looks like this:

5-5:30: DS wakes up. I change his diaper and put him in his crib with a lot of toys. I go back to bed.

6am: DS is tired of his crib and toys. We clean out the crib and are "up" for the day.

6-7: Brush our teeth, play a bit, pick up any dishes still out, sit down and eat breakfast.

7-7:30: DD gets up, feed her. Wake up DH.

7:30-8am: Change DS, put on his clothes, get ready for nap.

7:30-9:30: Nurse DS and rock him while he sleeps. He usually nap for 40-90 minutes. DH gets DD ready and takes her to school.

9-11:30: DS and I get out of the house. We have a baby group 1 day, a volunteer activity 1 day. On Monday we went to the YMCA, he played and I wrote. On Wednesday the grocery store and the bank.

11:30: Pick up DD from preschool. Eat lunch.

12:45-1pm: Put DD in bed for her "nap", which is sometimes just quiet time.

1-2:30 or 3pm: DS nurses again and naps. Usually 90-120 minutes.

3-3:30: snacktime

3:30: 2-3 days a week, a mother's helper comes from 3:30 until about 5:30. She entertains kids while I work. Often they go outside and play in the front yard with the neighbor kids. Other days of the week we sometimes go to the YMCA.

5:30: Start DS bedtime routine. DD usually draws or reads.

6-7: Nurse DS to sleep, put him in bed.

7-7:30: DH is home and has scrounged up dinner. Me, DH and DD eat.

7:30-8:30: DD gets ready for bed and then reads in bed.

8:30: Lights out for DD.

9:30: DS wakes up, nurses, back in bed.

[mckittre]

No schedule here. Well, we used to have a sleep/nap schedule, and are trying our best to get back to that point. As far as a strict order to the day, we're just not that kind of family. There's a reason both my husband and I are part-time self-employed workers - flexibility is important to us. My 20 month old seems to roll with the flow quite well, and is a happy guy.

[Marissamom]

DD is 17 months, and our routine can vary quite a lot. she knows that every morning after she wakes up we nurse and then eat breakfast, but some mornings dada is home, sometimes he's at school. some days I go to work, some days I don't. She eats when she's hungry, and takes a nap when she's tired. we have a short bedtime routine (diaper change, PJs, and reading "Goodnight Moon", but even that varies what time, depending on when she's tired. I think routine is important for some toddlers, but some are much more go-with-the-flow type kids.

[AnnaNova]

Originally Posted by Marissamom

DD is 17 months, and our routine can vary quite a lot. she knows that every morning after she wakes up we nurse and then eat breakfast, but some mornings dada is home, sometimes he's at school. some days I go to work, some days I don't. She eats when she's hungry, and takes a nap when she's tired. we have a short bedtime routine (diaper change, PJs, and reading "Goodnight Moon", but even that varies what time, depending on when she's tired. I think routine is important for some toddlers, but some are much more go-with-the-flow type kids.

see, i think my son is pretty much go-with-the-flow type of toddler. we have a pretty set bedtime routine, but even that changes from time to time and he doesnt seem to mind. in that book i was reading, however, the author was saying that the lack of schedule / routine will affect the child once they go off to school. we are not going to homeschool so it will happen at some point, and i just started wondering if we should do sth stricter than what we have

[CookAMH]

My 17mo DS seems to love his schedule and responds well. Anything goes during awake time, but meals are regular, bedtime and naps are regular, and what we do before those times are regular too. He reaches for our hands to pray before our meals, he knows when it's time for bed and is ready for it.

[youngspiritmom]

There is a nice book on this subject called Seven Times the Sun - it is Waldorf-oriented and gives great ideas about how to use natural rhythms as a way to nurture the child and schedule routines. Also the book Steady Days gives some good routine ideas. You can get them both from the library (not sure they're worth buying?)

[redvlagrl]

We have a schedule/routine which is based around sleeping and eating.

6.30-7am - wake/get up, showers etc
7.40ish - breakfast
8am - 3 days a week DD goes to daycare and DH works at home. On the other days, DD leaves for work
9am until 11am - DS naps unless we go out
11.30-12 - lunch
12.30-1pm - Both kids go down for nap (yay)
2.30-3pm kids wake up from naps
4.30 pick up DD from daycare on those days
6pm dinner
6.30 - baths
7pm bed for kids

We find this rhythm works well for us and the predictability works well for our kids and us. We know for sure that they will be asleep at 7pm. I know a lot of my friends find us a bit too rigid but it works well for our family because our kids get enough sleep and they are predictable. Going to sleep is seldom an issue, though DD dometimes just plays in her room during nap time now.

ETA: on the days where both kids are home with me I will try and do something in the mornings - playgroup or date. When it is DS and me I will run errands while he naps (DH is home with him)

[FiveZip]

red + lulu, I feel for you. I am in the same boat and not quite sure what to do. My DD never thrived on schedules. She gets too stressed and has tantrum-like episodes, mostly at home.

For example, when I tried to do a bedtime routine, it only lasted for a month until my DH went back to work and began working 60 hours a week. When he comes home, she is adamant about playing with him that DH can't even do the bedtime routine. Now, she refuses to take a bath most days.

Another example is feeding. she absolutely cannot go on a 3-meals-a-day-with-snacks-in-between schedule. If something sets off her attention, she refuses to finish eating (and it's not because she is full) and will ask for food in about an hour, and asks for food if she sees me eating something for myself, many times something she can't have because it's too peppery-hot. She usually wants what I am eating and it drives me nuts that I cannot eat what I need, as I am usually hungry all day long.

We sort of, loosely, have a routine, but it's never the same day by day. I can't force her to eat/wait to eat, and can't force her to go to bed if she is just not ready. I always try to reason with her and explain to her, but she is pretty strong-willed, and because she cooperates so well when she does things on her own terms, I just let it go. This, meaning if I wait just 10 to 30 minutes to change the diaper, she will lie down on the changing mat on her own, or that if I wait 15 minutes, she will buckle herself into the car seat. I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do or not.

Some nights I am so exausted that I just let her run around playing. When she feels ready to be in bed, she climbs into the bed to nurse. This makes it hard on my DH sometimes when he needs to sleep, and her idea of "playing" is with her father.

Anything related to safety, however, I never give in. I explain and reason, and she usually understands, but never without crying. I try to have hope that with my gentle, slow guidance, she will learn to follow an earlier bedtime with a routine, or any other schedule-related thing when she is a little more mature and older. I think she is just too excited exploring her world right now.

[lach]

I am soooo bad with schedules, but I find that my kids really do so much better when I keep a very low key, every day the same, schedule. I can't STAND it (I am much too active) but I do the best I can to stick to it It's much easier now that DD is in preschool so at least there's that to structure our day around.

[redvlagrl]

I realize that I made it sound like I don't feed my child in between meals. This is totally not the case. If she asks for food I give it to her. Also, her 'meals' are really not much more than snacks usually. She's a grazer.

[lexapurple]

I have not read this book. I don't know what kind of "sleep training" the author talks about but I agree that some sort of routine/rithm/schedule is needed for toddlers and even adults. Despite my desire to implement a routine/schedule for DD when she was younger it was not possible because of reasons beyond my control. She was always fussy, did not eat well, was very hard to put to bed, etc. During times when we spend visiting my parents my step-mom had her on routine and in couple days she was completely different child. We have moved overseas and I don't have to work and DD attends kindergarden now. I was finally able to convince my DH that DD has to have routine schedule and we stuck to it. Once again she turned from fussy to much easier to deal with person. I wish I was able to do it earlier.