How often do you feel unappreciated? - Page 2

[Oliver'sMom]

almost everyday...but especially today

I was so happy to have cleaned the house today, but then dh came home, tracked dirt in, threw his jacket on the couch and left his shoes in the middle of the floor. He also opened the mail and left it all spread out on the table. He didn't say one word about the house being clean

I've had maybe 8 hours of sleep in the past 3 days. I mentioned how exhausted and worn out I was to dh. He said it was my choice to stay home with the kids and if I didn't like it I should go back to work and hire a nanny. Of course it's pointless to say that I had to quit my weekend job when the baby was born because dh didn't want to be left alone with the kids on his "time off".

Anyway, yes I feel unappreciated

[mattemma04]

I have been a sahm for 11 years too. I gave up a career to be with the kids,and my husband never has to worry about their care-ever. It is terribly hurtful to be told how *lucky* I am that I get to stay home all day and not have to work. There are some days when I want to just refuse to do all the stuff I do just so everyone can see how much I really do.

Even when I am sick I am still expected to do *my job*.I get nagged to get a job out of the home,but dh never offers to be home more so he can cart the children around,be home when they are sick,or do anything I do to make it more 50/50.Nope,get a job AND do all that I am doing too. Forget it.

It gets super annoying,but when the comments start I just roll my eyes and say,"whatever",because I know after all these years that no one will acknowledge what I do only what I do not do. I just walk away,get a good book,and head out to the hens to relax.

If I could go back in time I am not sure I would want to be a sahm for so long.I would want my dh to do more at home,but I doubt he would do it.

Ah if only we got paid for all this mommy/homemaker work.People who DO get paid to do it for other familes bring home some good money!

[kay4]

Pretty often. I will say though that I very rarely feel unappreciated by my husband. I do not feel appreciated by my kids though, most days I feel like they just see me as a maid, chauffeur and ATM machine I do love my children don't get me wrong but some days are just UGH.

[*bejeweled*]

I was feeling this way a few months ago. Seemed like everyone in the neighborhood was calling me for favors---Can you pick up my kid from the bus stop? Can you watch my grandkids while I run an errand? Can you babysit for me? Can you give me a jump? Can you this? Can you that?

I decided that my automatic answer for EVERYONE except my DD and DH is now, "NO". And I stopped answering the phone (even if they knew I was home). The phone calls have stopped!!!

I don't mind doing a favor every once in a while, but it was getting ridiculous and I was feeling taken advantage of by so many people. But you know what? I took my life back.

[MrsJewelsRae]

From time to time I do, but I know that if I really have the place sparkling and a nice dinner on the table I will get praise from at least one of the people at the table, and if not, I still feel pretty good about myself for having done it. My sister and I are best friends and chat everyday, we feel quite free to brag to each other at all our accomplishments so we can pat each other on the back when we need it! I wouldn't trade places with my dh though, even if he does get to enjoy coffee with a friend all alone at least a couple times a week, he has all the stress and responsibility of providing for us financially and we barely scrape by sometimes - that weight must be huge and I try to do my part in lessening it by reducing our waste, meal planning according to the grocery sales, thrift shopping and stretching things wherever I can.

[mamalisa]

Only occasionally. Like yesterday when we got home from errands and groceries had to be put away, dinner had to be started and the dining room table had to be cleared. I sat down to take some medicine and have a glass of water and dh went straight to the couch. The groceries were still all over, pumpkins had to be carved and it was just assumed (as usual) that I would make dinner and pull it all together. So I yelled at everyone.

But really it doesn't happen often that I feel that way. My dh is really good about stepping in lately but before I had health issues, yea, not so much.

[mama_Agnieszka]

Yes, today, but not generally. I just don't think dh gets just how hard it is some days to know that I've got nothing else in my life aside from my kids, the house (not even my own either - rental), and so little else going on for me. It's not because I choose to have little else going on - I've just had the worst luck with making new friends since having my first (5.5 years ago now). And I've gone through several interests and activities and nothing has stuck... I gave up grad school then a career, and it's not like there are tangibile outcomes with looking after the kids or the house (it take like 10 seconds for the house to be essentially right back to the mess it was before I started cleaning). So, it feels like all this work, day in and day out, and no results...

I guess it's not that I feel unappreciated by anyone in particular - it's just this life of mothering seems really un gratifying at times. Like, what's the outcome? What's the result of all this stuff I do every day? Sure: kids are dressed, eating decent food, heading out to go to activities... Woo hoo. Why aren't I thrilled?

[Kuba'sMama]

Originally Posted by AngieB

This thread has perfect timing. I have been thinking about this so much lately. I think I'm at a all time low in my sahm career. I feel bored, lonely, trapped and unappreciated. I feel like I have given up myself for the family and no one seems to notice. and if I have to do one more load of laundy, pick up someone elses garbage off the ground, cook another meal that no one will eat...I'm going to go crazy.

That's exactly how I feel sometimes.
Hugs to all the unappreciated mamas! It makes me sad to hear all those stories, but also relieved that I'm not alone, if it makes sense. Luckily my dh does appreciate me and tells me everyday. I really couldn't do it if he didn't. I do feel like the kids take me for granted sometimes. Like "the house, the couch, the dog, the mom"... like i'm just furniture, or like a live-in maid or something.

[yukookoo]

every day, especially when i get comments like "i have to go to work now so you can stay home and live out your dream of being mommy"

or when dh thinks he does anywhere near what i do when he plays with dd for a few hours, goes out to eat cause he didnt feel like cooking, doesn 0 chores and spends a ton of money on special events to entertain her with and of course there are no rules and no following through with anything, then i get the backlash when she has to get back to reality when its mommy time again monday or whatever...

but the reality is i dont do it at all for him, I do it for my and my children. DD is appreciative at 3 and seeing her smile or get excited to do whatever we are doing that day, chores, baking etc. just getting to spend time with her and see her progress and learn new things and play and wonder and all that, its just amazing.

[mommabear]

Every day. The kids are fairly age-appropriate in their level of under-noticing opportunities to show their gratitude, and I do work on it gently. It's dh who tends toward the lame -- rarely tosses a thanks or whatever my way. I try to use it as a lesson to show my gratitude to him.... And it reminds me that I do things because I choose/need to, and to not be dependent on someone else for a measure of my worth. But that insight is only occasionally available to me! The rest of the time I get a little !

[Autumn Breeze]

SAHM of 9 years....and most days I feel this way, but sometimes it's your perspective?

For example, my kids often say "Thank you for breakfast/lunch/dinner" mom. TBH it's something dh has asked them to do, and they do forget when they really dislike dinner, but I hear it a few times a week.

They color things for me

Every night we have the same bedtime routine. "Good night. I love you. Sweet dreams" And they both say "Good night, I love you, too." and give me hugs. They're things I built into their routine so that hopefully, even on "bad days" I'd still have a nice good night.

(that doesn't mean ever night is all sunshine and roses LOL, the 5 yr old is NOT always keen to go to bed, and is frequently whiney and crying on those nights)

[sunnymw]

I think my feelings are especially intense because I just started SAH again after 1.5 years working with constant paychecks and very good reviews and always being commended for doing a great job.

Now I sit at home. And I have to choices: give DS2 the boob all freaking day and leave the house a wreck, or clean the house and listen to two kids whine and scream all day.

Every day I think to myself, "Why did I quit working AND smoking at the same time?" Seriously... bad idea...

[texmati]

I'm not sah, (hoping to be soon, so lurking). I come from a praise heavy household, and dh's parents never say anything nice about anything.

but I have had good luck telling my dh that I need praise, and then following up with prompting. I try not fall in the trap of -- if I have to ask it doesnt count.

So yesterday I cleaned our laundry room top to bottom while DH and DS took a nap. When they woke up, I told him I'd clean the laundry room, and to check it out and tell me how I did. lol! he did compliment my hard work, and I felt great about it.

[philomom]

If not currently nursing a child... go on a three day retreat. My family always worships me when I get back.

[Teensy]

DH got a scary reminder of how much he appreciates what I do this weekend. One of his co-worker's wives fell, hit her head, and is in critical condition in ICU. She is doing a little better today, but its still not sure if she's going to survive.

DH came home from the hospital, listened to our three kids and niece who spent the night running around with the dishwasher, washing machine and dryer all running in the background, and gave me a big ol' hug saying, quite honestly, that he doesn't know what he would do without me.

But over the last eleven years there have been plenty of weeks I have felt unappreciated. And so has, rightly, DH. We're both so busy it's hard not to feel like we don't get recognized for all we do.

I work part-time now, and am on the boards of some non-profit groups, so I currently get some recognition for work I do (paychecks, and end of the year little gifts for service from the boards), but in my years of only SAHMing, ugh. There was none of the tangible rewards to let me know that yes, someone doe appreciate all my work.

This is especially frustrating when the days are mixed with kids telling you you are ruining their lives (or whatever kid phrasing they are using at that age) because you made them turn off the TV and brush their teeth or do their homework or whatever task they are upset at being asked to do. Or the whole Groundhog Day-ness of doing the same things over and over and over just to have them immediately undone (clean dishes get dirtied, clean clothes get worn, the clean floors get stepped on by muddy shoes, etc.). That part is extremely unnerving to me, that everything I do from day to day seems useless.

I do sometimes look back at the scrapbook from the early years of my children's lives and just sit and appreciate for myself, all that I have done with and for the kids.

[OkiMom]

All.. the.. time.. Especially the last few months. DH has been gone ALOT and seems to think there is nothing wrong with expecting a huge welcome home and "time off" when he gets home, forgetting that Ive been working to 24/7. At least he got to sleep all night and didn't have to deal with the girls waking up with night terrors, throwing up several times a night, cooking, cleaning, caring, teaching, parenting etc etc etc.. He ticks me off every time he gets off of one of his work trips. Especially the last one when he said he was "so exhausted" then admited to the fact that out of the 2 weeks he was there he worked maybe 4 days and the rest he had off to do whatever with.

Ok, vent over. Its been bugging me lately. I would love one night to sleep without getting woken up repeatedly or a day without being bit/hit/puked on/peed on or pooped on.

[phytoangel]

Originally Posted by Chicky2 

Originally Posted by AngieB

This thread has perfect timing. I have been thinking about this so much lately. I think I'm at a all time low in my sahm career. I feel bored, lonely, trapped and unappreciated. I feel like I have given up myself for the family and no one seems to notice. and if I have to do one more load of laundy, pick up someone elses garbage off the ground, cook another meal that no one will eat...I'm going to go crazy.

Well, except for the part about a meal no one will eat, this is me right now. I just wish someone would give me a suggestion as to what to make for them to eat. We are under alot of stress right now, and my hormones are wacky, and I think I'm losing it at least 3 times daily.

you both hit this one on the head for me.   i am pretty much feeling sorry for myself and just want to run away from it all.  however, at the end of the day, the kids are the ones that love me unconditionally and never judge.  as for dh, different story.  i am at the point with him and his dumb comments that i can't even stand being around him.  it is so so so so sad, but true.  i couldn't wait for everyone to go to sleep just so i would have a single moment to myself, which dh usually interupts because he 'needs' something.  sorry for being negative nancy, but i am not a happy mama these days. 

[raelize]

the only times i really feel unappreciated is when we have had one tantrum after another all afternoon, which means that the house is wreck, dinner isn't done, and i am exhausted.  it is a gaurentee dh will walk in the door look around the place and say, "what did you do all day? this place is a mess."  seriously? i just spent 3 hours working in a mental hospital, so give me a break.  cause all he sees is the wreck and the recovered children.  not the horrible afternoon i had.

but it doesn't happen that often.