He quit his job.

[hillymum]

For the last 3 1/2year sbx worked out of state for 4 days every week. His job was quaranteed, he couldn't be laid off, even if they didn't have a contract for him he would still get paid. He loved the work he did and the people he did it with. He was treated like a king.rt
Today is his last day. He starts a new job paying $40,000 less than his old job but it's local to where we live. If the &^$* judge had signed the Status Quo order he would not have been able to do this! This means he has a better chance of taking the boys away from me for even more time! I'm so furious! He only ever spent 12 days a month with the boys and I when we were married and now wants them for alternating weeks? All because he thinks he will not have to pay child support if the boys 50/50 physically.
AHHHHHHHH

[doubledutch]

i'm sorry.

[Learning_Mum]

Seriously! What is wrong with some men when they leave?! It's like the could be the best father and then they turn into someone completely different and start acting like they're 21 again!

I'm really sorry HM. That sucks. I am also having issues today so I'm not in a great mood!

[hillymum]

My attorny filed a motion on Friday to force sbxh to ask for his old job. Hope the Judge goes for it.
Im a bit annoyed he didn't file for a restraining order to block sbxh from quitting his job as soon as I found out this is what he planned to do.

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by hillymum

My attorny filed a motion on Friday to force sbxh to ask for his old job. Hope the Judge goes for it.
Im a bit annoyed he didn't file for a restraining order to block sbxh from quitting his job as soon as I found out this is what he planned to do.

Can you do that? I would be a bit peeved to have someone controlling my life to that extent.

From the outside looking in:

It sounds as if he might have considered that he was caring for his family working those weeks away from you all. Maybe he realizes spending so much time away was a mistake and now he is trying to rectify that, even if he has to tighten the belt a bit.

Maybe not but if I were his attorney, that's how I would play it.

[hillymum]

Originally Posted by Minxie

Can you do that? I would be a bit peeved to have someone controlling my life to that extent.

He has done this so that he pays less child support. That $40,000 pay decrease will severly affect the amount of financial support our children and I receive! He is going to dramatically decrease our standard of living which is beyond selfish IMO. Feel sorry for him by all means! I really do not care about his feelings at this point. This man has behaved so badly with no reguard to his children! I can deal with what he does, but our children can not understand why he does things that hurt or negatively affect them.

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by hillymum

our children can not understand why he does things that hurt or negatively affect them.

How can your children possibly know he earns less and they get less unless you are telling them? And if you are, why?

[hillymum]

He's taking a major pay cut! Our kids aren't dumb! They know that I'm suddenly saying no to them when I used to say yes. Apart from that my wonderful sbxh told them about his new job! That's how I found out! He's also telling our children how they will be living in a little apartment in the future as that's all mommy will be able to afford. No kidding, my sbx really needs to learn to stop talking. I've been trying to hide how strapped I have been, but again, our children aren't stupid and see when I buy less or say no more, or just explain to them I have to save what money I have for something else. My two oldest are 11 and 10 and have been taught about budgetting so actually have discerned a lot for themselves.

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by hillymum

He has done this so that he pays less child support. That $40,000 pay decrease will severly affect the amount of financial support our children and I receive! He is going to dramatically decrease our standard of living which is beyond selfish IMO. Feel sorry for him by all means! I really do not care about his feelings at this point. This man has behaved so badly with no reguard to his children! I can deal with what he does, but our children can not understand why he does things that hurt or negatively affect them.

Still I don't think you can force someone to work at a particular job so that your lifestyle is not affected. Divorce means that lifestyles will change; that's the way of it. You can't support two households at the same standard of living as you could one with the same amount of money.

I don't feel sorry for him; I think it is shameful if that is his motivation. If his motivation is to make amends for not being there and get to know his kids better, then I could hardly hold that against him. That's an admirable goal even if it does negatively impact your lifestyle.

[incorrigible]

Originally Posted by Minxie

Still I don't think you can force someone to work at a particular job so that your lifestyle is not affected.

Oh ya. Sure you can. During one of our custody flare ups, I was court ordered to find full time job that paid an hourly wage equivalant to what I was making hourly in my part time job, but that did not rely on commissions. I was averaging over $40/hr of pure commission, working for a local chiropractor. I made my own hours, could usually take my children to work with me, and the whole family got complete care for free (including things like orthopedic inserts). My kids both had pretty serious scoliosis, and seeking payment/trade for service options is how I ended up with the job. I got reamed by the judge and nearly lost my kids because I, essentially a completely unskilled worker, "refused" to get "a real job". A real job being defined as one that required me to place my children in school and daycare. I couldn't find someone willing to pay me $40/hr or more FULL TIME in any field, try as I might. If CPS hadn't stepped in because of severe abuses, and placed a restraining order on xh themselves, I may well have lost the kids over that!

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by incorrigible

Oh ya. Sure you can. During one of our custody flare ups, I was court ordered to find full time job that paid an hourly wage equivalant to what I was making hourly in my part time job, but that did not rely on commissions. I was averaging over $40/hr of pure commission, working for a local chiropractor. I made my own hours, could usually take my children to work with me, and the whole family got complete care for free (including things like orthopedic inserts). My kids both had pretty serious scoliosis, and seeking payment/trade for service options is how I ended up with the job. I got reamed by the judge and nearly lost my kids because I, essentially a completely unskilled worker, "refused" to get "a real job". A real job being defined as one that required me to place my children in school and daycare. I couldn't find someone willing to pay me $40/hr or more FULL TIME in any field, try as I might. If CPS hadn't stepped in because of severe abuses, and placed a restraining order on xh themselves, I may well have lost the kids over that!

I've seen this happen to a friend of mine - she had to drop from f/t in school to p/t (she was in my nursing class) because she was 'ordered' to find sufficient work. It got pretty ugly for her and her kids.

[hillymum]

I've seen plenty of men quit working just to force their sbx to apply for government help, return to work after being a sahm or to decrease child support payment requirements. Minxie, you think that should be alowed?

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by hillymum

I've seen plenty of men quit working just to force their sbx to apply for government help, return to work after being a sahm or to decrease child support payment requirements. Minxie, you think that should be alowed?

No, I don't think a PARENT should be able to quit working so that the other PARENT has to completely pick up the slack. If one PARENT takes a lower-paying job that allows HIM or HER more access to their children, I can't fault them for that. If that means the other PARENT has to take on a job, then yes, they should. Being a SAHP is a luxury that many divorced couples cannot maintain; I do think it acceptable for a SAHP to get a job and help support their children. I do not think it acceptable that one PARENT has to completely shoulder the financial or care-giving burden.

As I mentioned, I don't know the background to your particular situation. I just think there is more than one way to look at it and I explained to you the way I would present it to a judge were I his attorney. He may be just trying to get out of paying you gobs and gobs of money or...he might legitimately be trying to correct a bad situation.

In your initial post, you mentioned that he was traveling a lot with the previous job and the new one is local to where you all live. That to me would be a HUGE factor and I would try to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wanted to establish a better relationship with his children because he may have realized the mistake he made in being gone so much. I am not saying that is where his mind is but...it might be.

In any event, lifestyles are still going to have to change as you cannot support two households in the same manner as you did one even if he is forced to return to the traveling job.