or Connect
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

I am such a coward...

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
I feel really awfull... After days of practicing NIP in not so public places, i.e a mothering group and at a coffee shop yesterday with only two other people in the shop (one woman who did move from the table next to us to the window when she saw me nursing with a cover on even) my baby decided that he was starving while I was at a resturaunt today. I had nursed him before we left, and he had only been sleeping for half an hour, so I tried to offer him my pinky, but he was getting testier and testier and tried to suck through my shirt at one time! There were sooo many people there, every table and booth was packed, so instead of taking out my cover and feeding my poor baby, I remembered the woman from the coffee shop and how uncomfortable I had made her. I took my precious son into the bathroom and stood in the stall and fed him there. There were obvious perks to this decision, it was quiet and cool in there. But we were both uncomfortable and I couldn't help but feel ashamed at myself for hiding us away in the stall as if we were doing something wrong. I feel as though I let my child down.
post #2 of 17
Aww... ((hugs)). I'm sorry that you're feeling unhappy.

I'm sure that many folks will give you support and advice about becoming comfortable nursing in public. In theory, I completely agree with them.

But after a decade and a half of nursing five babies in public and being tense the whole time I've learned something... I'm just not comfortable nursing in public.

This time I've decided to do what works for me. I don't get out much but when I do I bring a bottle of pumped breast milk or even formula. I'm not saying that's what you should do... just that it's something I've decided to do and I'm happy with it. (Even though now I'm sensitive to feeling judged about "bottle feeding"! You can't win.)

Best wishes!
post #3 of 17
don't feel bad.. you are new to nursing and NIP can take some getting used to! you just have to decide what you are comfortable with. when i had DS2 i would bring a bottle of pumped breast milk with me when i went to dh's work functions.. or i would nurse him in the car. now of course i'm on child number 4 and i'll just nurse wherever.. i dont really care what other people think.. lol.. but it took a while to get to that point! the important thing is that you are NOT letting your son down! you are nursing him, which is great! and you didnt just let him scream the whole time you were out, you fed your baby! you didnt do anything wrong!
post #4 of 17
Letting him down would have been letting him scream.

NIP is less comfortable in certain situations. Most places I don't hesitate about nursing--even without a cover. But sometimes even I find a private spot. At my sister's wedding, which was a huge formal affair, I found a bathroom and nursed there. Sometimes you gotta roll with it, admit your comfort level, and forgive yourself!
post #5 of 17
Oh hon, don't worry about it.

I've found I was a lot more nervous about NIP with Em... I used to go sit in the car and nurse her rather than do it in a restaurant.

For whatever reason with Ozzy I haven't minded so much.

Go with your comfort level, whatever the situation. If that means being more private, that's fine, if that means doing it in public, that's fine too. He's only worried about getting the milk So don't stress about it.
post #6 of 17
Eh-I've nursed babies in bathrooms, dressing rooms, sitting on the bottom shelf of the bike rack at Walmart, in the car, in churches, etc...Kelly's right...they just care about the milk.

I will say that my first demanded that we usually go somewhere quiet. All the commotions and sounds of say, a busy restaurant, were too much for her and she couldn't nurse, even as an infant. So, I spent many hours with her in a stall...hoping no one else would flush or turn on the hand dryer and startle her...you just gotta do what works at the time.
post #7 of 17
Ditto. I also had some NIP guilt, as I have nursed my baby in my car twice recently. I feel like I should be out there, nursing in full view. But both times I was about to head into a supermarket. My car was much more comfy than the mini cafe at the store.
post #8 of 17
BBM! Maybe the coffee shop lady wanted to give you some "privacy"? Everyone is right: you did not let Baby down! You don't have to be the poster girl for NIP when you're feeling bad vibes. Be gentle with yourself!

Our waitress at lunch on Thursday kept giving me the crazy eye for NIP and even got a table of her friends to all "subtly" turn around a see the crazy thing I was doing. If I hadn't been NIP this whole week in a bunch of places, they would have sabotaged my confidence. Shake the bizards off, lady! You're awesome and Caleb is lucky to have such a terrific, courageous mom!
post #9 of 17
Don't be hard on yourself! The first few times feel totally weird. I did and still do seek out more private locations to nurse if that is what feels right at the time. One thing that can help is nursing in a carrier instead of under a cover. It is more discrete in some ways - no one will know you're nursing. I don't love covers myself because I feel they are a big "hey - I'm nursing here" sign and I'd rather no one know. Not caring what other people think does get easier with time and practice though.

Remember, you're entitled to nurse in public, not obligated to.
post #10 of 17
It takes time to be so comfortable with it that you can just whip it out while standing around a busy store and keep the baby calmed down (as I had to do today)

With my first there was no way I could do that... neither with my own comfort level NOR with my skill level... But I did it today without a second thought. Of course, I am on baby #3 with years of practice!

Dont feel bad. This isn't something that you can just jump feet first into and expect to be awesome at it, we all need practice to not only make us better but to make us more comfortable and ALSO to make us stop caring what everyone else thinks. That part took a long time for me.


Ive found in general there are going to be 4 types of people around when you NIP

1. the people who are disgusted
2. the people who are intrigued
3. the people who dont care one way or the other
and 4. the people who are proud of you for doing it

all of us are in #4

The majority of the public are in #3

We are good examples for #2

and #1 can kiss your awesome behind
post #11 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaerynPearl View Post

Ive found in general there are going to be 4 types of people around when you NIP

1. the people who are disgusted
2. the people who are intrigued
3. the people who dont care one way or the other
and 4. the people who are proud of you for doing it

all of us are in #4

The majority of the public are in #3

We are good examples for #2

and #1 can kiss your awesome behind
Completely agree with this. In fact the #1 group has the fewest members in my experience, but at times the most vocal.

I also know that my insecurities can make me view how people react differently. I see people looking at me like they a judging me, then realized at the zoo once I saw a nursing mama and looked over at her because I was so surprised to actually see another mom NIP. I realized later that my look could have been misconstrued and felt bad, so now I try to be sure to smile at nursing moms so that they, hopefully, don't feel judged when I look at them.

I also have used my fair share of nursing rooms, bathrooms (with chairs), my own car, dressing rooms, etc. Sometimes it is just easier to have a quiet place to nurse then move on. I confess that this week at the library when my DS was getting fussy I just left (my older DS' story time had only 5 more mins at the most left) because there were no seats other than child-sized ones available (you'd think someone would offer a mom to a small crying baby a seat), and I knew that he'd nurse for an hour so getting home quickly just seemed more ideal then trying to find a spot that I could both nurse him and keep an eye on DS.
post #12 of 17
I was very nervous with my first that even my first AP playgroup I attended I was nervous to nurse at. It took a long time to feel confindent with NIP and really it took my second child to really be comfortable with it and not be paying attention to people. Once I did it made life much easier. With my new dd I wasn't ready right away due to her taking a long time to latch but I finally able to do it since she is latching better. Don't be too hard on yourself. Keeping going to places where you can nurse and it will get better with time.
post #13 of 17
This is so normal! I never felt comfortable nursing DD1 in public, but she was never a "good" nurser. She would pop off every minute and make a lot of noise. DD2 is a great nurser and I will nurse her almost anywhere. It will get easier. And even if you are never comfortable NIP, that's okay! Everyone has their own comfort level.
post #14 of 17
Totally normal! I'm on baby #4 and I still get panicky in public when he starts to get hungry. I've only had to NIP twice since he's been born (we don't go out much) but both times I started sweating and praying for him to just go to sleep lol. But of course that doesn't happen.... so what I've learned over the years is the best thing to do is to just suck it up (no pun intended lol) and get baby to the breast BEFORE we make a big scene and have all eyes on us. Half of the time people don't even notice I'm nursing if baby wasn't crying frantically beforehand.

I also never leave the house without easy nursing clothes. I always have a cami style tanktop on under my shirt so then my midsection is covered when I'm nursing. Pretty much nothing is exposed except *maybe* my nipple for a half a second prior to him latching on. I have major leak issues so I always have my pads in my bra before leaving the house so I don't have to fuddle with them in public.

((hugs)) it does get easier to do as you do it more and more often but it's normal even for a veteran bf'er to get that panicky feeling.
post #15 of 17
Oh mama, don't worry about it! Seriously, this is baby #4 for me AND I'm an LLL Leader, and I go someplace private if it makes me more comfortable. Today at the doctor's office i pulled a chair over to the partition so I had some privacy to nurse (he's still learning to nurse and pulls off a lot). As you get more comfortable nursing, you'll get more comfortable NIPing.
post #16 of 17
I totally feel you. I wish I was comfortable nursing in public! I feel so guilty, but the truth is I am just not comfortable with it. I have made huge strides in being comfortable nursing in front of friends and relatives, but I'm very self conscious. I have huge breasts too which doesn't help. I can't nurse in public without wrangling the girls around and it's never a discreet affair lol. I usually go to the car.
post #17 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marilyn82 View Post
I totally feel you. I wish I was comfortable nursing in public! I feel so guilty, but the truth is I am just not comfortable with it. I have made huge strides in being comfortable nursing in front of friends and relatives, but I'm very self conscious. I have huge breasts too which doesn't help. I can't nurse in public without wrangling the girls around and it's never a discreet affair lol. I usually go to the car.
I have the same problem with the size of my breasts! It feels like much more of a show than I intend it to be, so the few times I've NIPed I've used a cover (which I really kind of hate) or gone to the front seat of my car.

Anyway, big hugs, BBM. You're an awesome mama who fed her baby, and that makes you a rockstar.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: September 2010