My horrible PMS is ruining my marriage

[mamakah]

I know my title sounds dramatic, but it's true. I'm in desperate need of help, support, and advice.
My PMS is unbelievable. For about a week before my period I am very depressed, angry and resentful of my life and family. I feel exhausted and hate my duties and chores around the house, so the house is a complete disaster during these "spells." I'm a student and have no motivation to attend classes or even get a degree when I'm PMSing. I am short tempered with my son. During this time I literally hate my husband and feel like I want to leave him. The hormones throw me for such a loop. My husband and I fight during this time because I feel so miserable. When the hormones are gone, I'm back to myself and feel content and lovey with my husband, family and future. He's getting tired of the rollercoaster ride which is completely understandable. I would think it's bipolar disorder except it is directly related to my period. To someone who hasn't experienced this, this probably sounds like a controllable problem but it's not. Even though I know I'm PMSing, I still think my thoughts and mean feeling are valid and convince myself that this is how I really feel. It's horrible.
I'm not one for pharmaceuticals, but I'm almost to the point of going to the doctor and begging her/him to prescribe me something...anything to make me feel better during this week.
We don't have insurance so I can't afford to go get extensive testing done. I have a copper (non hormonal) iud.
Has anyone been through this? How do/did you deal? Did anything help? I can't live like this anymore.
Thanks in advance for any support and help.

[corrie43]

I could have written your post. I seriously want to leave my husband and kids the week before my period. Sometimes it even starts two weeks before. I can literally feel the change. I get anxious, and irritable and I can almost feel rage coursing through my veins. I told my mom it feels bipolar, but I know it is hormone related.

As soon as my period arrives within a day I am loving and happy again.

I have tried, diet, exercise, lost thirty pounds, trid herbal supplements(st johns wort, vitamin b6, estrovenegon, hylands nerve tonic, bchs flower remedys), even traditional meds like prozac. Nothing helps.I can not do any birth control at all without going completely nuts, so my husband is getting the snip soon.

I will be following this thread.. But know it is normal and you are not alone...

[neverdoingitagain]

http://pmdd.factsforhealth.org/
premenstrual dysphoric disorder is a form of premenstrual syndrome.
oddly enough, I was debating getting an IUD and was searching on MDC here about IUD. I found this thread
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...&highlight=iud

Don't know if that helps, other than letting you know you're not crazy or completely abnormal.

[neetling]

I call it "The Red Lines of Rage" It's mellowed some over the years. But still I'm waaaaaay less tolerant of my husband and kids during this time.

[KimPM]

Could it be copper toxicity or a copper-zinc imbalance from the IUD? Google it and check the symptoms.

Zinc and copper should be in balance:
http://www.drkaslow.com/html/zinc-co...mbalances.html

[mamafish9]

Copper toxicity could be a factor.

So could low progesterone or estrogen/progesterone imbalance - a simple test (if you're not nursing, consider more carefully if you are) is to get one of the OTC progesterone creams and use it daily for day 14-28 of your cycle. I just started taking vitex/chasteberry (because the progesterone is great for me), and that should have the same impact after a few months

So could magnesium deficiency - try LOTS of magnesium (any form except oxide, I like mag glycinate).

[zjandosmom]

this was me last year. I had too much estrogen and too little progesterone. I started taking progesterone, magnesium, vit B and def felt better.

[cappuccinosmom]

I got nuts after my last miscarriage. The first month after I didn't know what was going on, I just felt like I wanted to find a bunker and hide in it. Or I wanted everyone else to go.away. Then it happened the next month and I realized this was PMS. I've always been a little cranky but this was straight up crazy.

It's a good thing my husband was overseas, and I was living with my family when this started. I didn't shred him, and I had help with the kids.

I've taken a two-pronged approach.

Physical: Vitex (Chasteberry, agnus castus) has helped tremendously. The feelings don't all go away, but it has moderated the hormonal junk a lot and at least given me the ability to recognize what's going on and make decisions about how I respond to those feelings.

Also, hard as it is, avoiding caffeine and sugar during this time helps.

Mental: I have to have a good hold on my emotions. If I don't, I spiral out of control, and not just during PMS. It has taken me years but I am finally getting the hang of stopping and thinking before I say stuff, I mark the calendar so that I know when PMS is coming, and I'm reminded that the feelings are hormonal. When I'm nasty to someone I immediately apologize. I warn my family ahead of time. When my emotions are telling me one thing, I ask myself whether it is true ("Do I really hate my husband? Do I have any reason to? No. I'm cranky and annoyed and not being fair to him"), rather than immediately acting on that feeling.


I know it's frustrating to be going through this. I hope this thread will give you some help.

[herenow2]

similar situation here too! I just started reading The Mood Cure by Julia Ross and it is really resonating with me. I am feeling optimistic about all the suggestions in the book. I just have to get the health food store! maybe look up some of the aminos referred to in that book.

[Minaret]

I can definitely relate to this, although it seemed more obvious when I was younger--at least the week before.

Once when I was in my 20's and PMSing, I was living in a small mountain town alone and working at a ski resort. My old car kept breaking down, so I went into the big city to see if I could find a used car lot to buy a used car in better condition than the one I had. I wound up at a toyota dealership with "five" salesmen doing the "schtick" to me in the room and by the time I left, I had purchased a brand new toyota truck that I could not afford, paid full price for because I didn't know what I was doing, and had a friend along who let it all happen and didn't have a clue how to buy a car. Luckily because of an insurance glitch, I couldn't drive it off the parking lot. I called the next day, sobbing uncontrollably (still PMSing to the max) and saying that I couldn't buy the truck and I needed my old car back. They thought I was so pathetic that they agreed without question. I had to take a bus back to the city because I'd traded in the car at the dealership, and they had already marked it $500! And they had to jump start it, how embarrassing.

However, right after I came to pick up my old car, the financial dude who made me sign the papers was making eyes at me and flirting heavily. In a normal week, I would have NEVER even looked at this type of guy. He was for some reason, looking really good to me (I was again about a week or so away from my period). I wound up later having a one night stand with him (which I had never done before in my life) and then being extremely paranoid for the next PMS round that I was pregnant by this one night stand even though I was extremely careful. I must have agonized for a week that I was undoubtably pregnant by this sleazy salesman who "sprayed" his perfectly combed hair with hairspray. I was a hiker, mountain biker and climber type, and here I was, having gone crazy without judgement with this disgusting salesman who was almost twice my age and had been married three times and was paranoid I was spending the night at his house!

Anyway, I still remember this period (no pun intended) of time in my life as very traumatic and crazy for about 10 years and nothing seemed to calm me down. What I remember most was "worrying" myself to paranoia right before my period and getting really grouchy with people, but otherwise, this buying a vehicle thing was my worst moment PMSing. I don't notice it as much now, but since I'm married with 2 kids in my 40's to a younger DH, I'm probably in general just grouch most of the time anyway...

Sorry I couldn't offer better advice, just a scary story....

[mamakah]

Phew! so glad this is *somewhat* common. I considered the copper toxicity, I'll look into it more.
Thank you so much for the support and advice. I'm in the midst of a crazy studying week at school, but when it's finished I'm going to seriously research some of the possibilities mentioned here!
thank you!

[corrie43]

Due to this thread I began taking magnesium the past few days and a super b complex pill and an omega 3-6 pill too. I actually feel a bit better andless moody. I should be in my pms window right now but I still feel ok. I got a flash of it yesterday when both my daycare babies were screaming but I got over quickly. I am also taking a daily shake from beachbody called shakeology that has tons of nutrients including spirilina which I heard is supposed to help with pms. So the combo of all of those maybe be helping.. I have been doing the shakeology for a month now since I became a beachbody coach, but the magnesium and other vitamins I just started this week.. I will keep you updated on how the next two weeks go. these will be my pms weeks

[Frootloop]

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for writing this post (and thanks to the others who have replied with advice). I could have written the exact same thing.
My PMS symptoms scare the crap out of me sometimes. I hate just about everyone and everything the week just before my period, but sometimes it also happens to a lesser degree right after I ovulate. I can get downright evil to people.. I yell, I cry, I threaten to kick the crap out of my sweet 10 yr old cat (I would never ever do anything to him or anyone else, I couldn't hurt a fly).. etc etc etc. Within a day after starting my period, I'm the bubbly goofy lovey dovey me again., except that I feel horrible for how I treated everyone the days before.

I've been trying to research exactly what hormones are shifting and when.. just anything to figure out what turns me into such a raving lunatic during those times. I wish I had some advice for you, but please know that you're NOT alone!

I will be watching this thread for more replies, as well.

[rabbitmum]

I had the same problem, exactly like you describe, OP. I got lots better after I removed the copper IUD. Evening primrose oil also helped. Good luck, you have all my sympathy!

[Magelet]

I definitely get pretty crabby and mean with PMS, though because my cramps are debilitating (literally, laying on the bed sobbing and sometimes screaming, can't work, can't anything sometimes, vomitting, diarreah), the anger is not as much of a priority.

I'm taking calcium/magnesium (I can't recall which the doc recomended as more important, I think the cal, but he said to take them together), and B6. I'm also going to try taking a mild diuretic (though I'm pretty anti-pharmaceutical.), which has a lot of evidence of helping with cramps. I just keep forgetting to buy it...

[Sarahynf]

Thanks so much for these write up! I can definitely relate myself to this PMS problem. I broke up with my ex boy friend 4 years ago during PMS and I only figured it out the cause of it after things went so crazy! Ever since, I started noticing that my PMS hit me the most during ovulation and I have been trying to control my temper if I remember it was " the time of the month"!

I am happily married now and have a lovely husband that loves me very deary but my PMS is making me to resent him just for some mistakes that he did which I would have laughed over it normally. It is suffering to keep thinking that he is not the right guy for me because I can't really pinpoint his major problem. I just resent him and feel that he is very distant , he has changed after 6 months into marriage and most of all, I keep believing that the intimacy connectedness makes me feel unattractive and unwanted. I only feel like this during PMS.... This feeling is killing me and emotionally tortured ! 

[Sarahynf]

Thanks so much for these write up! I can definitely relate myself to this PMS problem. I broke up with my ex boy friend 4 years ago during PMS and I only figured it out the cause of it after things went so crazy! Ever since, I started noticing that my PMS hit me the most during ovulation and I have been trying to control my temper if I remember it was " the time of the month"!

I am happily married now and have a lovely husband that loves me very deary but my PMS is making me to resent him just for some mistakes that he did which I would have laughed over it normally. It is suffering to keep thinking that he is not the right guy for me because I can't really pinpoint his major problem. I just resent him and feel that he is very distant , he has changed after 6 months into marriage and most of all, I keep believing that the intimacy connectedness makes me feel unattractive and unwanted. I only feel like this during PMS.... This feeling is killing me and emotionally tortured ! 

[heatherdeg]

There's an awesome thread in the Mental Health forum with a ton of alternatives.  It certainly cured mine and I was stunned how ridiculously simple the cure turned out to be (for me, it was B vitamins).  Thankful, but shocked that something so small was made such a PROFOUND difference (I was on the PMDD side of things :/ )

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/993349/life-w-pmdd-severe-pms-support

[cajunmama2480]

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  This started happening to me about 5 years ago after I had children.  This whole past week I have resented not just my husband, but ALL MEN.  I've walked around angry and depressed.  I even told my husband that I thought maybe we should get separated.  I do this almost every month.  It is horrible.  I started this morning, and feel very calm and loving now.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel, whereas, yesterday there was not.

I have a friend who does not have children but she goes throught the same thing.  She decided to go on prozac for just that pms week.  It seems to have worked for her because she has never mentioned any more problems.  I think instead of us wives having to go on a pill, maybe our husbands should take note of this.  They need to work extra hard that week to help with the kids and chores and be VERY loving and babying to us.  That is what I think.  And, I KNOW it would work.  We are the ones that have to go through the cramping and depression, exhaustion, bloating, not to mention pregnancies and child birth.  I think one week of them being EXTRA sensitive to us isn't too much to ask.

I hope you figure something out.  I'm about to get a big dry erase calendar and mark it so that my husband and I know every month when he needs to start doing more and pampering me.  When he also needs to give me a break if i'm a little pissy or ridiculously depressed.  For better or worse, right?! :)

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by cajunmama2480 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  This started happening to me about 5 years ago after I had children.  This whole past week I have resented not just my husband, but ALL MEN.  I've walked around angry and depressed.  I even told my husband that I thought maybe we should get separated.  I do this almost every month.  It is horrible.  I started this morning, and feel very calm and loving now.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel, whereas, yesterday there was not.

I have a friend who does not have children but she goes throught the same thing.  She decided to go on prozac for just that pms week.  It seems to have worked for her because she has never mentioned any more problems.  I think instead of us wives having to go on a pill, maybe our husbands should take note of this.  They need to work extra hard that week to help with the kids and chores and be VERY loving and babying to us.  That is what I think.  And, I KNOW it would work.  We are the ones that have to go through the cramping and depression, exhaustion, bloating, not to mention pregnancies and child birth.  I think one week of them being EXTRA sensitive to us isn't too much to ask.

I hope you figure something out.  I'm about to get a big dry erase calendar and mark it so that my husband and I know every month when he needs to start doing more and pampering me.  When he also needs to give me a break if i'm a little pissy or ridiculously depressed.  For better or worse, right?! :)

Cajunmama, this original post is over a year old and just got revived.  But I just thought I'd chime in.

PMS/PMDD isn't about needing more pampering.  It's a chemical imbalance.  Which of your chemicals is out of whack will determine what will help to balance.  As I noted in my prior post, for me, it was a specific regimen of B vitamins.  The thread I linked to gave a long list of non-drug possibilities, but also some drug possibilities (since sometimes the situation is too dire to wait out figuring out what your body needs to be in balance).

I had a very loving husband.  Despite my being a SAHM, he did all (ALL) of the cooking in my house for several years.  It didn't make me NOT have PMS/PMDD.  Taking the course of B vitamins that I wound up taking.

I've also never heard of a doctor prescribing Prozac for one week of the month.  That's a med that requires weaning off of if I'm remembering right.