I don't know what will happen with our adoption now. Update :(

[sagewinna]

We were just approved, submitted our homestudy report for 4 different kids this week, were just at the agency yesterday morning and last night I found out I am pregnant.

Our youngest is 7 next month, we tried for years then didn't try but didn't avoid for years and I am in complete and total shock.

I don't know what will happen from here, If we will put everything on hold or what. For the first time in my life I am happy AND sad about getting a positive test, I feel like I lost our adopted baby, at least for now.

I had so many people tell me I would get pregnant now that we are adopting. I am not looking forward to the comments I'm sure we'll get.

I wanted to let you guys know, there has been so much support and guidance here for me on this journey.

[pumpkingirl71]

Oh my gosh, so bittersweet. Part of me is so happy for you and part so sad.

I don't really have any words of wisdom, but try to remebmer that everything about adding a child to your family by adoption is bittersweet. This pregnancy may or may not put your plans on hold for now, but not forever. Or with two kids you might feel your family is full and that is OK too.

And as someone who did have a surprise pregnancy after adoption, I got no comments that were related the adoption or the surprise. Just a lot of jokes about how busy I would be that were obviously "better you than me"

[RedOakMomma]

Congratulations on your pregnancy! While it may be bittersweet, you can still adopt in the future. All the research and work you've done is good preparation for your future choices and decisions. I'm sure it's very hard to step back from the child you hoped to adopt (!), but for now it's what's best-- keep the dream of that child in the back of your head, and bring your old dreams for this new baby back to life. You can always dream for and plan for (and love!) both.

[WifeMomChiro]

Peace and hugs to you. I can only imagine the mix of emotions you must be feeling. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

[Smithie]

1. Congratulations! After 7 years, what a surprise!

2. Wow, that's definitely bittersweet.

3. I would not say a word to your worker until the 20-week ultrasound at least. Adoption is so much waiting game, why take yourself off the list until you are very very sure that a baby is coming?

4. I'm not sure you need to say a word to your family and friends, either, until things are farther along, everything's going well and you are totally in love and excited about the biobaby.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by Smithie

3. I would not say a word to your worker until the 20-week ultrasound at least. Adoption is so much waiting game, why take yourself off the list until you are very very sure that a baby is coming?

I could be wrong but it seems the problem with this is that they are already at the point of submitting for specific children...she runs the risk of getting matched with a child, being THE family for the child...then if the agency policy is that they cant proceed due to the pg...well that would be way more awful than stopping the process now. That would be truly like losing their child rather than the idea of the child, as they would know all about her, her/his name etc yknow?

[marsupial-mom]

I would probably tell the worker to hold things for a month but not explain the reason. Just say it's a private matter and you'll explain in a month.
I would definately put the adoption plans on hold.

Ps congrats!

[sagewinna]

Queen Jane, that's pretty much what I'm worried about. Dh is going to talk to the worker tomorrow, our homiestudy is good for 2 years and can be updated after that from what I understand... This whole thing is really confusing emotionally but a blessing too.

Red oak that was beautifully put, just what I needed to read.

I love you guys! I will let you know what we find out and will continue to root for everyone.

[Lucy Alden]

I know this thread is a little old but I just felt compelled to respond. We tried to conceive our second for 2.5 years. During the time we were TTC we were also going through the adoption process. It took us a year to complete all the classes, paperwork, etc. Shortly after, we received a call about a potential first mother who was due in two weeks. She didn't chose us but the next week we found out we were pregnant. And I was really bummed. After 2.5 years I was positive that our family story was going to be adoption. Even though we had been TTC I just assumed it wouldn't happen. It was such a weird mix of emotions. The crazy thing is that I got pregnant for the third time when my DS was only 6 months old. Yes, my fertility is odd. Now, here we are after a year of TTC (well not actively more like whatevering) and not pregnant. And just yesterday we sent in all our adoption update information to get the ball rolling. So, we'll see what happens. Adoption, conception we just don't know. I just wanted to let you know that I can totally relate. When you want to expand your family a positive pregnancy test should be a joyful thing. But, when your heart and actions have been moving in a different direction it's a lot to wrap your mind around.

And as a side note, we totally got the "I knew once you tried to adopt you'd get pregnant" garbage. It irritated me to no end. Adopted children are not a means to an end.

[sagewinna]

Lucy, thank you for your response, it helps me a lot. I've felt guilty not just being happy about the pregnancy! I mourn our adopted baby, yk?

The agency will hold our file until we are further in the pregnancy, then they will close it. They won't place a child with us while we are pregnant or have a child under 1 in the home. If, God forbid, anything happens with this baby, they ask that we wait 6 months before we look for a placement.

I am slowly adjusting to the change in plans, one day at a time.

[Alvenchrst]

A similar thing happened to us with our 3rd bio, we were half way (and a lot of money in) into the process to adopt from Vietnam when we were surprised by a pregnancy.

LOTS of people didn't get the loss. But it is a loss, of a dream, a plan, a hope, and a future child, so let yourself grieve, it's important to your bonding process with this new little one too!

I think you did a good thing by telling your agency. Ours did the same, let us put our file on hold until 6 months after our baby was born.

And don't ya just hate all those comments from people saying I told you so!!! Sheesh.

[sagewinna]

An ultrasound today showed our baby had no heartbeat. I may be back in a while, our homestudy is on hold with the agency for now so it is likely we will pick up our adoption pursuit once we have grieved. I really, really appreciated everyone's comments and support through this.

[SundayCrepes]

I am so sorry.

[Lisa1970]

I would still do the adoption. I know someone who was in the process of adopting when she found out she was pregnant. She still adopted the little girl and had a little boy and they are just the cutest little siblings.

[Lisa1970]

How far along were you when there was no heartbeat? I have been told before at 6 week sonos that there is no heartbeat, only to have a heartbeat at the 7 week sono.

(((((hugs)))))

I am just so sorry for all you are going through.

[sagewinna]

I was almost 10 weeks, baby measured 6 1/2.

[BabyBearsMummy]

Sagewinna Sorry about your loss 

[Jenne]

I am so sorry for your loss.  It is so hard.  I wish you peace and time for healing.

Jenne

[Smithie]

I am so sorry for your loss. 

[RedOakMomma]

I'm sorry.  Wishing you lots of strength and love in your healing...please be gentle with yourself.  :Hug