Front seat tweens - help me think this through!

[MyFullHouse]

I have a 12yo who is about 80lbs (he bounces between high 70s and low 80s, depending on when he's weighed) and is over 5', but hasn't been measured in a few months.

I drive a minivan with plenty of rear seating, so putting him in the front isn't something I've thought much about. Yesterday, I dropped him off with his dad (my ex). I didn't notice that ds was in the front seat until we were all on the road. They were the only two people in the car. My gut reaction was not one of approval!

Neither of our states has an age requirement for the front seat. NJ does have the 8-or-80 rule for boosters, but ds hasn't been in a booster in years AND is usually 80lbs or more.

Legally, he's doing nothing wrong, and there isn't anything I can really do. Realistically, I *can* make it an issue, but I need to figure out whether or not I'm overreacting. I can only strain this relationship if there really is a legitimate risk.

Of course, in my car, he'll still be in the back. There's no reason to change that any time soon.

[TheGirls]

I'm assuming his vehicle has front passenger side airbags? Because without the airbags I don't think it's a serious concern at all.

Honestly, though a 12 yo is absolutely safer in back, I would probably not raise a stink with a co-parent over a 5', 80-ish lb, 12yo sitting in the front seat. It is legal, it complies with the minimum recommendations (to keep kids under 12 in the back), and I think it is within his dad's rights to make the safety call. Depending on your relationship with his dad, you could share one of the recent studies showing that 12-14yos are safer in the back. But it wouldn't be an issue I'd personally be willing to risk major relationship repercussions over. (A risk I would gladly take if he were FF a 1yo, or sitting a 2yo in a booster, or putting an 8yo up front with airbags activated...)

[an_aurora]

I would probably let it go and just remind your son to scoot the seat back as far as he can when he rides with his dad (if the seat adjusts 'up', do that too, so the airbag would be aimed more at his chest and less at his face). Even if he's small, his bone structure is more mature and his body is more able to withstand the force of the airbag. If you have an 8 year old and a 12 year old that are the same size, the 12 year old would be better able to withstand the crash than the 8 year old, hence the rule of 12 & under in the backseat regardless of height or weight.

[chickabiddy]

Originally Posted by TheGirls

Honestly, though a 12 yo is absolutely safer in back, I would probably not raise a stink with a co-parent over a 5', 80-ish lb, 12yo sitting in the front seat. It is legal, it complies with the minimum recommendations (to keep kids under 12 in the back), and I think it is within his dad's rights to make the safety call.

Agree on all points.

[blessedwithboys]

My ds1 was just this size at age 12 and I allowed him to move up front full time. (He used a booster in the backseat until his 11th birthday, then stayed in the back without the booster for a full year before I let him move up front.)

[Kirsten]

12 is when I start allowing my kids to ride in the front (regardless of what seats might be available in the back). So I think that this isn't something worth stressing the parenting relationship over. I agree with a previous poster that I'd feel differently if he were four or six - and would go to the mat at a younger age.

[MyFullHouse]

Thanks for the feedback, everyone! It's much appreciated!