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Will anyone admit to trying CIO with horrible regrets? - Page 2

post #21 of 41
That's cute thistle. It is good to know what works for yu and to start doing it from the beginning and keep doing it all the way through. Start as you mean to go on!
post #22 of 41
I tried something a little different. We nursed and co slept until she was almost two. Then I couldn't take it anymore. A king size bed with just me and her in it and I still wasn't getting a good nights sleep. I tried the CIO in a regular bed on the floor. I explained it to her during the day and did the whole bedtime ritual and then left. She cried but sort of half heartedly, like she was just complaining. Then she slept all night for the first time, like, ever. It worked great until she realized she can climb out of the bed. What am I going to do, lock her in her room? Now she's two and a half and back in our bed, which doesn't bother me at all. I felt a little better about letter her CIO because she was older, but it still sucked.

Also, don't beat yourself up. We are all doing the best we can! LOL.
post #23 of 41
Once, for a nap. She was overtired and wouldn't settle. I felt like I was going to lose it, so I left and put earplugs in. When I realized how absolutely stupid that was I took them out and checked on her - she had fallen asleep. I felt awful, really awful. That's how I know for certain that I wanted nothing to do with CIO. I found this site and kept on going

Jen

That was dd1 btw.
post #24 of 41
funny, Alstrameria, i actually ready somewhere about doing something like that in times of frustration. when you are about to lose it and can't get your sweet babe to calm down, to take a break from the situation by putting them somewhere safe and walking away for a few minutes. i guess it is supposed to prevent frustrated parents from beating their children.
post #25 of 41
Yep--did it, regret it, won't EVER do it again! Best thing I ever did was bring that child into my bed.

And that's all I have to say about that right now!
post #26 of 41
Quote:
BUT with her 2.5 yo-he started developing a stomach bug in the middle of the night a few weeks ago. She said that she thought she heard him coughing a bit, but didn't check on him. He apparently was throwing up and was so scared to wake his parents that he got out of his crib, got box of tissues on his own, and tried cleaning himself up. She was impressed by all this. Sounds great to me! Teach your beloved that when he needs help to HELP HIMSELF-even when just a tot. And that mommy and dadday aren't REALLY there for you!
This brought me to tears.

Amanda
post #27 of 41
That just breaks my heart.
post #28 of 41
T Alstrameria, Sophie and Evelyn are ANGELS! I clicked your link and I was like "Awwwwwwwww!" Such cute babies!
post #29 of 41
It broke my heart to hear it, too, ladies. When the mom re-told this story she said it very matter-of-factly. No remorse, no regret, no shame.

It's one thing to choose to do this CIO thing (which, of course, I would not choose myself), and it's another, really, to sort of brag about the results.

Yuck. Makes me really sad, too.
post #30 of 41
We tried soooo hard with ds to put him down in his bassinette early on and let him go to sleep. We did it over and over and it never worked. WE thought we should start as we intended to go on, but ds had a completely different idea. We resorted to rocking/bouncing to sleep while standing up 'cause that is all that worked. We got sucked in by all of the books and tried cio one night. Can't bear to go into the whole story as I am still hurt by what we did. Only tried it once. Then we went back to trying to put him down on his own. Did paci, back rubbing, etc. and nothing worked. Believe me mamas, we really tried hard. I was dead set he would sleep on his own. Out of desperation we found ap and found the peace that we needed in our home. We did what our ds needed and learned to live with his own cycles. I hate cio and wish noone would do it. I also hope I never have to hear anyone else tell me that if I just start something early enough and teach my baby it will work. We tried from day one and had definite expectations and all of the feedback we got from books and other people just showed that they never dealt with a child like mine. My opinion on cio, getting baby to sleep on their own, whatever, is that it works fine if your child is wired for it. I felt like a failure as a parent as I read these books and stupidly listened to people because nothing worked until we found ap. Some kids just don't respond and I am so thankful that I found a method that respects that and respects me as a parent. Can you tell I have very strong opinions on this?
post #31 of 41
Quote:
Originally posted by bubbles
We tried soooo hard with ds to put him down in his bassinette early on and let him go to sleep. We did it over and over and it never worked. WE thought we should start as we intended to go on, but ds had a completely different idea.
thanks for sharing this. i ignored that advice and now ppl are so sure that it is my fault that ds doesnt fall asleep on his own. very annoying, :

i'm gkad to say that he was held like 24/7 as a newborn, but he can entertain himself quite well now. i think its just his personality.
post #32 of 41
I tried CIO a few times with DD1. Never even tried with DD2. The last time I tried it with DD1 was when she was an infant and that day she happened to have a scab on her chin from a bad scratch the day before. While I was in the living room trying to let her CIO for a nap, she proceeded to scratch off the scab. Imagine my horror when I went in after 5 mins and she was covered in tears, runny nose, and blood.

Never again. Didn't even put up a crib for DD2.
post #33 of 41
Quote:
Originally posted by nichole
thanks for sharing this. i ignored that advice and now ppl are so sure that it is my fault that ds doesnt fall asleep on his own. very annoying, :

i'm gkad to say that he was held like 24/7 as a newborn, but he can entertain himself quite well now. i think its just his personality.
I am glad it helped. I get so tired of people telling me it is because I did not try something soon enough, hard enough, etc. I had definite ideas about how things would work and, boy did ds tell us differently! I really feel strongly that when sleep training, schedules, etc. work well for a family it is because the child was wired that way, not because that is how the family decided it would work.
post #34 of 41
I just want to say thanks for all the stories mamas...I bet some of those were not easy to share.
post #35 of 41
I bowed to pressure to "just let him CIO" at 6 months. He cried in his room in his crib by himself for over two hours. What was I thinking, That KID IS GOING TO SLEEP IN HIS CRIB . . . What was I feeling? Anger, frustration, sadness, desparation, and totally disconnected from THAT KID.
When I finally went in his little body was rigid, he was covered in barf, he had picia around his eyes from crying, I think he was in shock. Of course when I saw him, I felt sick. What the hell was I thinking? I had assumed because I knew that he was tired that eventually he would cry himself to sleep. Wrong.
I learned some valuable lessons that day.
In order to let your child CIO you must disconnect - but when will you reconnect?
Follow your gut, most times when mothering is difficult for me I stop and look around. I ALWAYS find that when I am having a hard time it is because I am not respecting my childs needs and he is reacting. When I change my perspective, the situation often resolves itself naturally.

The CIO session led to ds crying if he even looked at his crib, so we took it down. He was despartely clingy for weeks following.
In truth, I feel bad about the whole situation but I don't carry it with me. Feeling guilty does nothing to enrich my relationship with ds and so I choose to let it go. I am a good mom. Made a mistake, learned a lesson, lived to tell about it. All is well.

Peace
post #36 of 41

well I didn't "try" CIO ..

in a way it was forced on me and I knew nothing of AP then
I was young, in the midst of emotional rollercoaster-having a baby while getting divorced
being treated like dirt being 19
I had to live with my parents a bit again
The 'leave him alone it builds his lungs"
" he needs to know you won't be there every time he cries-and you know what THAT one stuck for a long time
I was even SAT ON to keep from going to pick him up


Years later when he was around 9/10 he told me ' you know why I didn't cry much when I was scared or hurt when I was little? I knew you wouldn't be there
Can you imagine that poor baby having a nightmare and I never knew because he just sucked it up or whimpered in his pillow???
I don't think I will ever get over the guilt

I asked my mother once HOW could you do that to me so I in turn did it to him? She said your gma did it to me and it was all I knew...

We still have some damage to undo but we have been working on it for 12 years
He is 17 now...and when he hears babies cry in the store he whispers to me "PICK UP THAT BABY "
post #37 of 41
I'm so sorry to hear what you and your son went through.
post #38 of 41
To me it is like this, if your child is crying there is a reason. To let them cry and not attend to them is cruel. I have never let my children cry in thier beds for more than 3 min. I have 1 child that sleeps with me at night. My youngest sleeps on her own fine and my middle child is starting to want to sleep with me. Ages are 3,2 and 1.

I trully feel that all children go through the stage of needing to be close to thier mother at night time. This comfort should not be ignored because it is a inconvenience for you. Eventually your child will sleep on thier own if they are in your bed. I wouldn't be scared to sleep with them. My three year old is on her way to her own bed slowly but surly with alot of encouragement that she is a big girl now. The more I encourage it the more she wants it but I do not force it.

Just my thoughts on what works for me and them. If cio works for others than fine but I don't believe in it.

Steff
post #39 of 41
Thread Starter 
steff, this is a thread for mothers "who tried cio with regrets", meaning they don't think it is right either but did what they knew how to do at the time and now realize that there was a better way. It is a thread meant to let other mamas know what we went through and to try to discourage other mamas from doing CIO. Thanks for voicing your opinion. These stories were very hard to share...and to hear, and I know that they have already helped other mamas who were considering CIO at the end of their rope.
post #40 of 41
Sorry I thought I was refering to not doing it, that I am against it.
I did try it with the first and hated it. Thats why she is still in my bed because I won't force her to sleep on her own and cry all night. But I figured if someone who believes in cio was reading this, it would change thier minds about it.
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