Advice columnist needs to hear from cosleeper

[verde]

Hey Everyone, today in the Washington Post, advice columnist Carolyn Hax received a letter from a mom about CIO. Her advice was not exactly pro-CIO but it seems to me that she needs some education about cosleeping. Here's the link. At the end of the article is an email address for a response.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...101505600.html

[sewchris2642]

I didn't get that at all. In fact, to me, what the columnist is saying is that no one expert has the one definite answer to the problem. That the parents have to find out what will work for them and not rely on the one size fits all of the experts. There are some babies who need to "CIO" (i.e. fuss themselves to sleep even if it means that they cry about abandonment for the length of time it takes the parent to return to the living room. I had one; and she hated co-sleeping). Just as there are those babies who are asleep before their heads hit the mattress (I had one). And those babies who just have to be touching someone in order to sleep (I had one of those too). Sometimes it's just about when the parent puts the child down for bed (again, I had one; the same one who had to co-sleep). It could be too soon or even too late for that particular child (changed his bed time and he was one happy /babytoddler).

[LauraN]

The mom says she and her husband can't stand to hear the baby cry, and the columnist responds with...

I hope you and your husband can be honest with yourselves if you are in fact so tear-averse that you're headed toward obeying your kid.

That sounds militantly anti-cosleeping to me. She definitely needs some education on how bad CIO is for a baby's brain development.

[sewchris2642]

Did you read the 2nd page? This doesn't sound like the columnist is militantly anti-cosleeping:

"That's such a common feeling -- when the advice doesn't seem right but acting on instinct isn't working, either.

Next stop: Ask your pediatrician about alternative schools of thought on sleep training. If you've tried and your doc hasn't been helpful, then hit the Web. You have to anticipate the knuckleheads and crank your skepticism to HIGH, but: Parents love to brag about what books/experts/approaches worked for them. Eventually you'll read a few descriptions that resemble what you're going through now, paired with philosophies that align with yours -- something based on, say, tapering your attention gently. ""

I spent 4 months of hell before I listened to Erica and allowed her to "CIO" to sleep like she needed. 4 months of rocking, cuddling, trying to nurse her to sleep, trying to co-sleep, and listening to her scream her heart out for 4-5 hours every night while in my arms. All because I didn't want to leave her to cry herself to sleep alone. When that is what she wanted/needed.

I've had the opposite experience as well. Dylan wanted/needed to be touching someone before he could sleep. And he wasn't ready for bed until 10 pm. So we co-slept with him for 4 years (2 in our bed and 2 on his own bed in our room, sleeping cuddled up with the dog). I learned from Erica so I didn't go through those 4 months of hell with Dylan. I listened to him and stopped putting him down to sleep at 8 pm, let him stay up until he was ready for bed and then took him to bed with me.

If I had accepted co-sleeping as the only way to go, that would have been cruel to Erica. If I had only accepted sleeping in his own bed in his own room alone regardless of what was best for Dylan, that would have been cruel. Both standpoints can be militant if taken to the extreme.