Hair care issues with a 4 year old - what to do...

[missnoodlesmom]

My DD (just turned 4) is having some real issues with her hair. She wants to grow it looooooooong but she doesn't want to help in taking care of it. She refuses to brush or comb it at all. And when I do it, she screams her head off. She has thick, tangly, wavy hair - just like mine so I know what we are dealing with all too well - and it's turned into a nightmare to deal with. Weird thing is that she used to want to brush it herself but now she doesn't want to, probably because there is so much hair that it is a daunting task. I'm wondering how much "hair care" you expect your preschooler to do. I can certainly lower expectations and just do all it myself, but it's horrible because she screams at the top of her lungs every time I get near her hair. Not fixing it isn't an option and the mere mention of a haircut (just a teeny tiny trim, even) is enough to send her into even louder hysterics.

HELP!!!!!

[phathui5]

At four, I did all of dd's haircare. The rule was that in the morning she had to let me brush it thoroughly or brush it most of the way and then braid it.

Today (age 7), she chose to have it cut to shoulder length to make it easier to take care of.

[Dukey25]

Dd has curly hair which is a pain because the knots are unbelievable. We use a spray in conditioner and that helps a lot. If that doesn't help I would try and find out why she wants long hair. I know my dd wants long hair so she can look like princess, even though short curly hair would look way better (but I haven't pushed it yet) and then I would encourage and promote short hair. Dh's sister was forced to cut her hair because she wouldn't take care of it. It left a mark on dh (not sure about the sister) and he tends to encourage long hair, otherwise mine would have a cute short cut.

[FaithfulOne]

I know all too well exactly what you are going through
I agree with the pp about using a detangling spray...but if your dd's hair is as thick as the average adults, I would suggest an adult brand (like Infusium etc)
I also discovered that a quality haircut and an abundance of layers/extreme thinning can make all the difference! My 9yo dd would struggle and tears would accompany every hairbrush...until we got layers/thinning. Now she can do it all by herself!

[pianojazzgirl]

At that age I did all of dd's haircare. I kinda did a "you let me brush without a huge battle or we need to go get it cut to a more manageable length" rule. I also made sure it was trimmed frequently. I let dd know that just trimming off a tiny bit made it way easier to brush. I also was not beyond the occasional bribe (taking her to a kid's haircut place where they would give a sucker after the haircut was finished... or sometimes offering her a little treat when I did it at home). And I found a small daily battle over brushing and braiding was way preferable than letting it go for a while and then having to do a major de-tangle routine (my dd's hair sounds like yours' by the way: wavy, thick and easily tangled).

[pianojazzgirl]

I remembered that another thing we used to do is brush out her hair while she watched an episode of her favourite tv show (we had it on DVD). If you are not screen-free you might want to consider this option.

[3xMama]

I still do my 4 yo DD's hair care. Every once in awhile she'll get the urge to brush it, but otherwise she isn't really into it. I would definately look into the spray detangler and if she has her heart set on long locks, get it thinned. I have my thick but straight hair thinned and I know it makes my life easier. I'd imagine it would do that much more on wavy/curly hair!

[missnoodlesmom]

We use biolage shampoo, conditioner, and rusk detangler....over the summer she had a LOT of tangles because we spent a lot of time at the pool and it definitely damaged it a bit. But now it's back to pretty smooth and silky - since switching to adult products (about 1.5 months ago) her hair has had a lot less tangles in it. But the screaming persists. I do the "logic" approach - you need to take some part in hair care, and you may grow it as long as you want. If you keep screaming and not trying to comb it, we will need to get a (cute) haircut. To no avail....she just screams and screams about it. She's a really easy going child about everything else - this is her hot spot. I honestly have wondered if her scalp is crazy sensitive or something. And just the thought of getting her haircut means crying, crying, crying. The last time we went she literally had 1/2 an inch cut off (which I would consider a trim) and tears just streamed down her face. How sad, right?

Yeah, I feel like I'm doing everything right as far as products and HOW I'm dealing with her - it needs to be done - I just wish it wasn't so dramatic.

It's good to know, though, what everyone else's expectations were for their own girls hair care. I thought she would be able to do more because at 3 she was doing a better job, but I'm just going to back off and do it for her and just ask if she'd like to try instead of telling her she needs to. I find she's more willing to comb it right when she gets out of the shower instead of in the morning before school, so we will focus on that

[ryleeee]

personally, i would dread it!

[Thyme Mama]

for several reasons, i just cut 4 yo dd's hair into a chin-length bob from long hair.

but, when she did have long hair and tangles, i played a game with her. it was fun and silly and worked very well!

i would tell her that we were looking for a mama and her baby (insert her favorite animal at the time here)s. every time i would get to a tangle i would say "oh i found a little baby leopard! but it's hiding! come here little leopard! oh, oh, i almost have her! wait come back little leopard!" all the while trying to get the tangle out. when the tangle was out, i would rejoice and gingerly show her the comb and put the little leopard in her hand. she would giggle and laugh a lot. if she started to get bored i would tell her there are more leopards and they need to nurse or some cute story like that. by the end she had a little handful of leopards or armadillos or whatever she fancied at the time.

it worked so very well and she became excited about finding little animals. she started bringing me the comb and asking me if i could leopards in her hair.

[ecoteat]

Originally Posted by Thyme Mama

for several reasons, i just cut 4 yo dd's hair into a chin-length bob from long hair.

but, when she did have long hair and tangles, i played a game with her. it was fun and silly and worked very well!

i would tell her that we were looking for a mama and her baby (insert her favorite animal at the time here)s. every time i would get to a tangle i would say "oh i found a little baby leopard! but it's hiding! come here little leopard! oh, oh, i almost have her! wait come back little leopard!" all the while trying to get the tangle out. when the tangle was out, i would rejoice and gingerly show her the comb and put the little leopard in her hand. she would giggle and laugh a lot. if she started to get bored i would tell her there are more leopards and they need to nurse or some cute story like that. by the end she had a little handful of leopards or armadillos or whatever she fancied at the time.

it worked so very well and she became excited about finding little animals. she started bringing me the comb and asking me if i could leopards in her hair.

That's brilliant!

DD is almost 4.5 and I always brush her hair--every morning and night. Her hair is straight and armpit-length. She's only had her hair cut once, and it was by me, and it was really fun for her. I would not expect her to be able to do much of anything to take care of her own hair. Sometimes she brushes some of it, but I always do it myself anyway.

[~PurityLake~]

It's easiest to manage if you braid it while wet before bed. I do not expect my four year old to manage her own hair care beyond picking which barrette, ponytail, or style she'd like me to do for her. I would scold the tangles if I came across them and she thinks that's funny and then doesn't get angry at me if I accidentally hurt her while combing, instead she yells at the tangles and tells them to go away.

[alegna]

Dd has curly hair, so it gets tangles super easily. I do most of the care still (she's 6) but she sometimes combs it in the tub. Our routine is that we condition every night (wash twice a week) and comb through with a wide tooth comb with the conditioner in. Then rinse, and re-comb and braid wet. In the morning take down, spray with detangler (mostly to re-wet) and fix.

The worst of the combing is done when it's soaked in conditioner, so it's not too bad and the knots tend to let go easily.

-Angela

[Purple*Lotus]

I am 32 years old and I have been told by more than one stylist that my hair is super tangle-y. Sometimes I have to have help to get them all out.

So my suggestion is to use a wide tooth comb while her hair has conditioner in it. That is the only semi pain free way to keep my tangles at bay.

[sunnygir1]

Maybe I'm mean, but I think I'd cut it short. I'd rather have one struggle to get it cut than to battle every day to take care of it.

I had short hair until 4th or 5th grade because I had to brush it every day before my mama would let me grow it out.

[chattyprincess]

dd is 4 and I do basically all the hair care and I don't mind at all. She is only little once and looks so sweet with the bows and styles...soon enough she will insist on doing it herself and refuse to allow me within arms reach of her head so I will enjoy the time while I have it. Occasionally if we are running crazy around her I will wet her hair (I bathe her at night and then have to re dampen her hair in the am or it is crazy hair!) and she will brush it but then I "finish" it, parting etc...
We use Aubrey Organics products and I found since switching from childrens to these its much easier...they have a "hair care matrix" on thier website so you can match the products to the hair type..lovely stuff! thier swimmers is awesome!

[tjlucca]

DD and I have gone through the EXACT same thing! We told her that I would be brushing it (peacefully) every morning and doing barrettes of pony tail or whatever to keep it out of her face and food, or we could cut it into a pixie and she wouldn't have to do the brushing if she didn't want to. She decided on the pixie for about a year. It was so cute! she got compliments on it all the time, now she is growing it out again (she will be 5 tomorrow) and is doing reasonably well with brushing. But I have to say, the pixie brought peace to our mornings which had become a nightmare with brushing. Good luck Mama!

[Pookietooth]

I am dealing with a similar issue with my ds, who is seven, only his hair is totally matted. You could always let her grow dreads for awhile.