Throwing as a way of getting attention...

[Thing1Thing2]

My 28 month old DS has been throwing things for a while now. I am not sure why he does it, but he does it with this wild little frustrated look in his eye...
It used to be funny when he was younger... But now he is stronger and is throwing bigger things. Maybe he does it as a way of getting attention, maybe he's overstimulated?

We give him alot of attention and we are always playing, reading or talking to him. It's just during those moments when I need a second to do something like put the groceries away that he does his little "throwing" trick.


I have tried telling him that we don't throw. I have tried telling him he or his friends can get hurt. I have tried taking away the object that he is throwing. Nothing works. Do I ignore it and hope it goes away?

Here are some examples:
- When he's eating a banana or a lara bar (not at the table), he will eat half of it and throw the rest on the floor.
- We went to our local hf store today and there is a play area, he immediately started taking things off the shelves and throwing them all around... cards, board game pieces.... ughhh!
- Dinner time, when he's done - he sweeps everything within his reach onto the floor.
- Toys when he is not getting attention - he will throw like 5 of them in the air at the same time and onto the floor.
- If I were to give him a drink right now, he would drink half of it and pour the rest on the floor.

I'm about to start getting really annoyed by this and need some ideas please...

[crunchy_mommy]

Well with food & drinks, I'd offer him less to start with -- so just half a banana, or a few bites of dinner, or an ounce of water in the cup. DS does the same thing with food/drinks so we just give him small amounts and replenish as necessary. He almost never throws food on the floor with me, but DH gives him larger portions or keeps giving him more/doesn't take the plate away soon enough when he's done & so he ends up throwing it.

As far as toys etc., can you give him things that are appropriate to throw? Soft balls, play silks, leaves, etc. Maybe go outside & practice throwing things that are different weights -- leaves, grass, sticks, stones, etc. -- only in a safe way of course, not around others, and emphasize that to him, that when he wants to throw things he should ask to go outside to an open space. (We do this with spitting, for ex., when DS wants to spit we tell him he can spit in the sink as much as he wants).

If you think it's really just for attention (or even if it's not), give it no attention. Don't react. Don't pick up the items, wait 'til the meal is done or you're done playing with toys and then ask him to help you pick everything up.

[Thing1Thing2]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

Well with food & drinks, I'd offer him less to start with -- so just half a banana, or a few bites of dinner, or an ounce of water in the cup. DS does the same thing with food/drinks so we just give him small amounts and replenish as necessary. He almost never throws food on the floor with me, but DH gives him larger portions or keeps giving him more/doesn't take the plate away soon enough when he's done & so he ends up throwing it.

Relieved to hear your DS does the same thing, because then maybe it is normal and I'm not doing something wrong (like not paying enough attention to him). I have tried giving him less, but he gobbles that up and then asks for more and more. At any point, when he is full he throws it on the floor. Wish I could predict just how much will fill him up. His eating has been crazy lately. He even got up twice last night to say "Mama, Im hungry. I want some food." - And it's not like we starve him here. Actually he eats and snacks all day.
As far as toys etc., can you give him things that are appropriate to throw? Soft balls, play silks, leaves, etc. Maybe go outside & practice throwing things that are different weights -- leaves, grass, sticks, stones, etc. -- only in a safe way of course, not around others, and emphasize that to him, that when he wants to throw things he should ask to go outside to an open space. (We do this with spitting, for ex., when DS wants to spit we tell him he can spit in the sink as much as he wants).

Thanks. I will try that. Maybe a little throwing outside will get it out of his system.

If you think it's really just for attention (or even if it's not), give it no attention. Don't react. Don't pick up the items, wait 'til the meal is done or you're done playing with toys and then ask him to help you pick everything up.

This will be so hard to do (as applesauce is running down the kitchen wall into the radiator ), but I'm going to try it. I guess I should focus more on spending quality time with him, but it has been hard lately since we have just moved back into our house after being out of it for 10 months (due to mold).

We have had a tough and stressful year, and during that year DS has not felt the stress at all. We pushed ourselves to give him extra attention, and extra family time even when we didn't have the energy. But now I just need time to unpack and get things in order KWIM?

[lookatreestar]

my ds is a little younger but he does the throwing and sweeping things off the table. i also just limit food and up play time where he can throw stuff to his hearts content

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

Relieved to hear your DS does the same thing, because then maybe it is normal and I'm not doing something wrong (like not paying enough attention to him).

No you're not doing anything wrong, it's very normal!!! Of course there are ways we can try to limit the throwing but even then, some kids respond better than others & some will likely resist any effort on your part to redirect their behavior... Please don't think you are doing something wrong! But hopefully some of these ideas will help a bit!

[Bebe's Mom]

My DD throws food when she is done eating. I give her a little at a time. She still throws food, but at least it is kept to a minimum this way. I give her a look when she throws food on the floor, so she kinda knows she shouldn't do it, not that it stops her. But she only throws food at this point. I think if you are consistent with explaining that he shouldn't throw things-and ignore him when he is not in danger of hurting himself and others, then he will stop eventually.

[Thing1Thing2]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

No you're not doing anything wrong, it's very normal!!! Of course there are ways we can try to limit the throwing but even then, some kids respond better than others & some will likely resist any effort on your part to redirect their behavior... Please don't think you are doing something wrong! But hopefully some of these ideas will help a bit!

Thanks. I never knew how strong mommy guilt could be until I had a child of my own. Now I always wonder about every little thing... Good to hear that other kids are doing the same thing at this age (and earlier)...

[LROM]

OP you asked a question I have too, but my dd seems to do it more purposefully than your ds. Sounds like many of you have dc who throw food in general, while my dd doesn't generally throw things but definitely when she's upset has learned that she gets a reaction to sweeping everything (not usually food, but what she's playing with, or things around the living room) onto the floor or throwing something. Same with hitting.

And I'd like to just ignore it, but a) it's too late - the first few times she did it I made a point of telling her "We don't throw" and trying to show her what else to do if she's upset, and b) some things she throws (like food - but not because she's finished or has too much on her plate, only when she's upset) or the hitting are really not ok and I don't know how to "just ignore it".

So OP, hope you don't mind me adding to your thread, but anyone BTDT with a toddler and found something that works after they've already learned that Mommy and Daddy DO care about throwing and hitting so it's too late to ignore it so she doesn't know that? Thanks wise mommas!

[Peppermint Poppies]

Originally Posted by LROM

So OP, hope you don't mind me adding to your thread, but anyone BTDT with a toddler and found something that works after they've already learned that Mommy and Daddy DO care about throwing and hitting so it's too late to ignore it so she doesn't know that? Thanks wise mommas!

My 18mo DD throws a lot too - food, toys, books. She does it to express her frustration, because she's not talking yet, but I have still encouraged her not to throw because (a) I think it's part of my job to teach her appropriate ways to express her emotions (b) her big brother thinks it's hilarious and will immediately copy her, and I can't cope with 2 kids throwing food all around the place and (c) it's dangerous, particularly when it's cutlery, blocks or other heavy things.

Honestly, and this is probably not the most gentle of approaches, but as soon as the throwing starts, the activity ends. If DD starts throwing food, the meal is over. I wipe her hands and face and take her down from the table. If we're playing, whatever toy has been thrown is put away out of reach, and we play with something else. I'm not doing it in a punitive way, more of a logical consequences kind of way. I'm sure the mamas on the GD board would probably have a different take on things, but this works for me and helps me stay in control without getting overly frustrated myself.

[treegardner]

DS loves to throw things and it has gotten better as he has gotten older. With food we offer less and he must be sitting down to eat (this is also partially due to us having pets). As far as throwing toys or things, if he is throwing at people or pets, the toy immediately gets taken away.

[peainthepod]

Mine is 23 months and has been throwing for about four months now. It drives me up the wall and I'm sure it's a necessary developmental phase.

The only thing I've found that works, besides redirection (and giving him things he CAN throw and telling him where he can throw them) and taking things away when he throws them, is asking him if he needs help controlling his hands. I get down to his eye level and gently take both of his hands and ask if he needs my help to control them. Then I tell him that if he throws [object] again I am going to help him control himself by putting him in his crib for a little while.

I guess it's basically a time-out but since he likes his crib (there are books and toys in there), and his crib is essentially in the same room as the main part of the house (open lofted sleeping area a floor above) it doesn't feel punitive. He can still hear and see me walking around downstairs and often babbles happily to me while he's up there. After a few minutes I go up there and ask if he still needs help controlling his hands. Sometimes he smiles and nods yes and wants to stay in his crib!

Anyway, I don't know how GD/AP this approach is but it beats the near-constant frustration I was feeling, and it does seem to work. Now I just have to ask if he needs help controlling his hands, and he either throws something again, nods yes, or shakes his head no and stops throwing. It's a start, I guess...

[ellemenope]

DD is a thrower too. She does not do it for attention. She does it to express frustration, defiance, and to cope with some anxiety. Lately she has been throwing things in response to correction. She just will pick up something (never breakable) and drop/throw it down and look up at me with this evil blank look on her face. Scary.

It is hard to explain, because she is not throwing things far or hard. She is not violent about it at all. It is very odd, and it does make me sad. Sigh. But, if the extent of her tantruming at this point is picking up a crayon and throwing it down at her feet, I guess that is not so bad.

About eating, we offered DD a throw-away bowl and that helped alot. We told her that she was not to throw things on the floor, but could throw things in the throw-away bowl. It worked better than I could have ever imagined. But, again, DD was not doing it for attention. In this case, she just hated the food and was trying to express that.