Please help me be a better mom

[organicpapayamama]

Here is a little background. I am a single mama, with no help. ex dh is not in the picture at all, so its all on me. I have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 5 month old. Things have been pretty good in regards to DS adjusting to having a sibling. Thats not an issue at all. What is an issue is that I am so drained with the baby that I find myself taking it out on ds at times. I yell. I dont like to yell, but ive gotten to the point that he wont take what I have to say seriously until Im yelling at the top of my lungs at him. again, I dont like to yell, its even making my throat hurt. I know horrible. I feel bad. Also I am trying to be gentle with discipline. I grew up getting spanked big time. I mean my mom would hit me with whatever she could grab, a shoe a belt... anything really. I vowed to never be like her. And I want to say that I have never hit my child with any belt or shoe or any of that stuff. But I have slipped a few times and when a time out wouldnt cut it, I have spanked him on the diaper. Every single time I feel horrible. I dont want to be like this. I dont want to spank or yell. Sometimes its the my first instinct and I walk away and count to 10 because I dont want to spank out of anger. Can any of you please help and point me in the right direction on how to overcome this? oh and please no putting me down for the spanking and yelling, I know it has to change, thats why Im here. Encouragement only please. TIA.

[MovnMama]

Oh mama - hugs to you!

First off - stop beating yourself up. You are perfectly entitled to be overwhelmed. Two children under 3 is a tall order for a single mama, not to mention a newly (?) single one.

My best advice would be to get a support system in place, and fast. Friends, family, sitters... whatever it takes to know that you can get some space when you need it. If you are feeling overwhelmed, you owe it to your children to be a happy and healthy mama yourself, so they can grow up happy and healthy too. You just need some support - and not just the online kind, but also the IRL kind.

Join playgroups, and make friends with mamas and dads. Sometimes you just need to call and vent about your toddlers behavior to feel better. Stepping out of the mama shoes for a few minutes during a phone call can make the whole situation that angered you shrink back into perspective.

Maybe make a step by step list - when you feel like you're losing it, call this person and text this person, then jump on mdc and post an I'm so frustrated thread. Just get out of the headspace for a minute.

My point is, I guess, that bringing another person into the conversation can bring things back into perspective. Maybe it's just positive peer pressure (for you)? That's how it always functioned for me. If I called someone to tell them how much DS was frustrating me and being "bad" suddenly it didn't seem so bad, and I was able to more calmly redirect/otherwise deal with him.

Don't judge yourself too harshly. You are a good mom and trying to do the right things. Cheers to you!