new mom, not sure how to handle this.. - Page 2

[ElliesMomma]

do you wear your baby in a sling? i use the moby wrap, and i have found it hugely helpful for nursing, too. i love it b/c it makes it so easy to keep baby with you all.the.time. and then when it's time to nurse, the wrap also serves as a "cover" of sorts... i just take him out, and cradle him in my arms, and open my shirt; no one can see the top of my breast, and if i'm careful to wear a zip down sweatshirt with a spandex tank top that i can pull the top over my breast super easily, it's one smooth move from baby wearing to nursing to finished nursing and back to whatever, sometimes even nursing to sleep.

more power to you. stay strong!!

ps: your husband is with you on all of this? how awesome. lean on him and don't be afraid to leave your parents -- just do it "respectfully" and with your own safety in mind.

pss: as babies grow into toddlers they often become very distractable when around other people especially if things are interesting or stimulating. you may find that after a year or so, you HAVE to nurse somewhere private, or your baby will not nurse at all. if this happens for you, i'd just go with it, and not even tell your mother or father what you are "up to." and if you decide to just keep on going with nursing, as many many women have, after age 2 or so, you may find that the questions cease, as people assume you have weaned. and if they don't ask you don't have to tell either. don't ask don't tell, may help you around your situation with your parents if you don't want to be confontational -- and i'm big on not being confrontational especially when it comes to nursing, you don't want your child to get the idea that it's in any way controversial. my daughter still nurses occasionally at 4.5 years old. there is a very very short list of people who know this. the subject is not open to debate.

[shotmama]

the funniest thing happened today! i'm not japanese but since my husband (who is japanese) and i lived in japan together before, we are raising our LO with japanese, so i still keep it up. today i met another non-japanese woman who spoke it as well at a party. she was talking to me about how she still nurses her 4.5 year old, but only occassionally. i was so excited to hear that she was still doing it, and she looked around at everyone and said to me, 'thank goodness no one can understand us, huh!?' and we both laughed!

thank you to everyone for the replies so far. it's great to hear things from an outside perspective, since a lot of times i feel lost being on the inside.

and yes, i was abused growing up but because i never showed up at school with visible bruises or being malnourished, also with the fear of ending up in a foster home, i wasn't sure at the time whether that was happening to me. but after being around kids, and having not one urge in my body to 'hurt' them, i realized what my folks did (and are doing) was wrong. i think the fear i have stems from those early times, since i think kids internalize so many things. so the fear of getting dragged, hit, or shaken just comes back whenever they use a nasty tone with me.

i have since limited contact with my parents, and i've gotten time to breathe. i do have someone who is kind of a 'therapist' for me, and that is my first LLL lactation consultant. even though i've moved i still call her to catch up every now and then, so she is familiar with everything i've been through.

i'm not sure if all LLL groups do this, but hers always gives a baby spoon engraved with baby's name to those who make it past a year. she encouraged me to make a special trip to pick mine up at the next LLL meeting, and she confessed to me that she uses my story (without using my name) to help other new moms with unsupportive/abusive/abrasive family members. she also wanted me to talk about it at the meeting, to open up a conversation about how to continue despite lack of support.

not sure if i will want to talk about it but i did remember reading somewhere that a good way to get over 'crazy parents' is to help others in the similar situations. so i will think about it. i was just happy to know that we were getting support when it seemed no one understood.

also thankful there is a CLW forum on MDC, because i had read so many CLW posts to get comfortable talking/asking about CLW. i'm excited for what's to come after DD first bday! but i will also miss those baby days, maybe it means i should have another LO soon? lol!

[vegankelly]

you have received a lot of good advice, and this thread is interesting to me as i have many issues with disrespectful/abusive family especially when it comes to nursing, co-sleeping, and pretty much any child rearing issue.

the only thing i want to add is that you need to find a real life tribe, girl. it is great having the mdc forum, but you said that in addition to the family stuff, your friends aren't on board with your choices either. *if* you can find anyone in your area to connect with (and i know this isn't possible for everyone), do it. it is great to have real life support from people who have "been there, done that," and who are raising their family like you are.

good luck with everything! and thanks for the post. it gave me some suggestions for handling my family.