Dealing with exhuastion in regards to socializing

[allmine]

Our life is very full and has been for some time. Major time committments, several children, husband's career and side work as well, high maintenance extended family situations, just all of it is a lot to handle and juggle. We feel we are doing it, though, one day at a time. Also, health concerns, waning energy levels. I fight sleep issues as well. I have chronic allergies and we are using some alternative means right now with the hope of some relief in that area.

I am also an introvert. I don't know if that is because of my health limitations and fatigue or just my nature. I think it is both.

We have lately hosted dinner guests twice in a spread of a few weeks. We felt led to do that with these families. To get to know them better, expand our children's opportunities for friends, etc etc.

But is is so exhausting on me. We recognize that for a few weeks, with holidays coming up and such, we will not be having any more guests for a while. Besides , we always travel at holiday time to far away family members, adn that is tiring enough as it is.

Thing is this. When I have a night at someone's home, or a night of entertaining here in our own home, I get so keyed up and wired. I will be SO tired but also unable to relax/sleep. It's so hard. I also will replay the whole conversation we had, wonder if I said the right thing or not here or there....I often recap with my husband and ask him this or that..."do you think I came across the wrong way here or there"....it's so tiring.

It doesn't really leave me wanting to do it again, let's just say that much.

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with exhaustion, physical adn mental, and emotional, from social time ? I am sure there is a bit (or more than a bit) of anxiety in there too. But, I do have some health issues and I find that the more fatigued I am the harder the socializing is on me, and the more insomnia/exhaustion/anxiety results from it.

does anyone understand this or have any feedback from their own experience?


ETA
Can I add yet another question to all this?
I also need to work out how to deal with all this in regards to being honest with someone who wants to get together for social time more often than I am truly able/capable. I have some casual friends that have asked us on numerous occassions to do this or that. We've gotten together some for events or activities or just dinner...but they seem to have more energy/time than we do for those things ...and I always feel like we are saying "no" more than we are saying "yes" and it gets embarrassing after a while, ya know? It's like nothing is enough. We get together for a meal, adn they want us to start going out dancing with them each monday evening, for example. Or we have them out for supper and they brainstorm about all these fun things we can go out and do together as families in the next few weeks. IT IS EXHAUSTING.

is the whole world an extrovert and I am just strange.

HOW do you deal with this without just being rude
"uh, honey, I'm so tired from setting aside time and energy to have you over for this simple meal that I have to recuperate for three months, but thanks anyway?"

somehow that isn't gonna cut it, is it?

sigh

[sebandg'smama]

Hi, from another introvert!

My only advice is to be mostly honest with people. Express a thanks for the invite and give your regrets that you do not have enough energy for that particular event/dinner/outing.

I definitely need a few days to recover from events, so I now take that into account when planning my week. My dh is so incredibly supportive of how these activities suck all my energy that he always gives me an out when he has a work related event. I think I would crumble if he expected me to attend every function!

As for family members, I have scaled down MY expectations of what I SHOULD do....I call it the "should trap". Whenever I hear myself say "I should go to so and so's.." I stop myself and really question why should I?

I have learned a lot about self care and do not feel guilty anymore for sitting on the couch and reading for a few hours, or taking a long bath after an event.

I have also learned that people are not really as invested in my coming to their event or not as I think they are, they are thinking much more about their own life and not what I am doing or saying! Sure they might be disappointed at my no, but they get over it!

-Melanie

[allmine]

Originally Posted by sebandg'smama

Hi, from another introvert!

My only advice is to be mostly honest with people. Express a thanks for the invite and give your regrets that you do not have enough energy for that particular event/dinner/outing.

I definitely need a few days to recover from events, so I now take that into account when planning my week. My dh is so incredibly supportive of how these activities suck all my energy that he always gives me an out when he has a work related event. I think I would crumble if he expected me to attend every function!

As for family members, I have scaled down MY expectations of what I SHOULD do....I call it the "should trap". Whenever I hear myself say "I should go to so and so's.." I stop myself and really question why should I?

I have learned a lot about self care and do not feel guilty anymore for sitting on the couch and reading for a few hours, or taking a long bath after an event.

I have also learned that people are not really as invested in my coming to their event or not as I think they are, they are thinking much more about their own life and not what I am doing or saying! Sure they might be disappointed at my no, but they get over it!

-Melanie

Thank you. Good thoughts.
I could with ALL honesty say that I don't have the time or energy for an invite 9 times out of 10. I guess I just need to make the decision that *I* deserve getting that much care from myself in the first place. Instead I worry far too much what someone will think. "Will they think that is a cop out or that something is wrong with me or that I am weird?".

I guess it matters little what they think especially if I am just being honest in the first place.

thanks for this.

[sebandg'smama]

I wish that I had had the courage to say no prior to having kids, to realize that my needs were important.

It took having my children to realize that if I give everything over to others, there wasn't much left for my kids. Then it followed that in order to be happier as a person I needed to say no for myself!

-Melanie

[allmine]

Originally Posted by sebandg'smama

I wish that I had had the courage to say no prior to having kids, to realize that my needs were important.

It took having my children to realize that if I give everything over to others, there wasn't much left for my kids. Then it followed that in order to be happier as a person I needed to say no for myself!

-Melanie

I totally know what you mean.
I seem to be learning this in many realms this week.
I guess better late than never, eh?

[LessTraveledBy]

I went through this before my hypothyroid meds... I had to start saying no to a lot of things. The few times we had people over, I was over tired and stressed by the time they came. My way to deal was to let go of some of my "shoulds" (people seem to enjoy store bought ice cream about as much as a fancier dessert). Also, I would leave as little as possible for the day they were coming (cooking and cleaning).

I used to feel quilty about saying no so much. Looking back, I would do it just as much if not more. Now that I am feeling better, physically, I actually love getting out of the house. I am also more relaxed about hosting.

Do what you need to do... Many people will know how you feel, whether sooner or later, as they get older.

[almama]

I was just going to suggest getting your thyroid checked, but that is only one piece of the puzzle. I'm also an introvert who tries to be social and ends up feeling overwhelmed. It takes a lot to understand that is it OK to cut out what is too much for *you.* Sometimes I blame it on the kids (oh - they are so wired or coming down with something), but usually I just try to pace myself.