answering dh's concerns

[patronus]

we had a dd so we were thankfully able to avoid the issue first time around. i'm already worrying about this for our next child (not pregnant yet).
i mentioned to dh that there was no way i'd have a son circ'd. him: "why?" me: "would you have let them cut our beautiful, perfect baby girl's vagina after she was born? then why would you let them do that to a son?" him: "but how would i explain to him why our penises looked different?"

i didn't really know what to say. i know there are some emotional issues wrapped up in this for men, so can someone give me a good answer to dh's question?

[Fyrestorm]

Is you DH's penis about an inch long and hairless?

They aren't going to look alike..

Does your DD's labia look like yours? Do you see this as a problem?

What if your potential son has different colored eyes from you DH? Is someone going to wear contacts? At least that is something the the public might notice?

Any tattoos on DH? Is DH balding? Does he have the same color hair?

Why is it that nothing else need to match except his penis?

[lynsage]

Explaining this is simple, and parents of intact sons do it all the time. You tell him daddy (or whoever) had an operation on his penis when he was a baby, and since then we've learned that babies don't need that operation, so you didn't do it to him.

[Fyrestorm]

and...just so you know - Your DH really doesn't care that his son's penis doesn't match his. He just needs validation that his is ok.

Read this:

http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/v...ty_of_men.html

[dianakaye]

Originally Posted by lynsage

Explaining this is simple, and parents of intact sons do it all the time. You tell him daddy (or whoever) had an operation on his penis when he was a baby, and since then we've learned that babies don't need that operation, so you didn't do it to him.

Exactly. Well said. I think it's also really important that the way it looks shouldn't be important- just because they look different doesn't make one "better". My son is intact and I think he's beautiful and my husband was cut as a baby without his consent and I think he's beautiful too.

[eepster]

The fact that DS and DH don't match in that particular way has never come up. What has come up is that mommy doesn't have a penis at all, and that mommy is polka dotted (I'm very freckly.)

[calngavinsmom]

Originally Posted by lynsage

Explaining this is simple, and parents of intact sons do it all the time. You tell him daddy (or whoever) had an operation on his penis when he was a baby, and since then we've learned that babies don't need that operation, so you didn't do it to him.

Exactly. My sons are not circed but dh is. They really don't care. They are not traumatized to be different in the slightest. They have no problems bonding, relating or any other nonsense pro-circers might argue. They can all stand together and pee in the same urinal, on the same bush or tree with noone batting an eye or experiencing any longing to be "the same". In fact, they were much more concerned about where Moms penis was

The only times it has ever even come up is when my older ds was 4 and he discovered he could pull back his foreskin. He said "Huh, that looks like Dads". We hadn't talked about circumcision at that point and really didn't have to until someone we know circed her son and changed his diaper in front of my youngest(soon after it was done) He was quite concerned and asked what was wrong with Xs penis. That is when I had to explain circumcision and why we were against it......I have still not been able to adequately answer his concerns about why anyone would do that to their baby though.

Good luck!

[Fellow Traveler]

This video should help you put that concern into perspective.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yRFN...eature=related

[kell]

Ask him if his own penis matches HIS dad's penis or if he remembers comparing them...

[MyFullHouse]

I'd just like to add that I have a circ'ed dh, circ'ed 12yods, and an intact 3yo (with another intact ds on the way). We tend to practice nekkid potty training. Older ds was never curious about either of his sisters' genital differences, and has expressed no interest in his brother's difference, either. Younger ds has never expressed any interest in the difference (other than size) between him and Dad in the bathroom, either.

In our house, it seems to be just a given that everyone's body is different.

[patronus]

wow guys, thanks for all of your great responses! i feel much more comfortable now

[vachi73]

Another vote for, they don't seem to notice, and don't care if they have noticed. I have 4 intact DS but a cut DH. DSs are far more concerned with my lack-of-penis than any difference between themselves and their dad. Period.

However, that said, my two nephews are cut, and I have heard a conversation amongst cousins about whose penis has a round part (cut) and whose doesn't. I simply said, "eyes are different, noses are different, and penises are different." Period. They were satisfied with this response (they were 5 years and under at the time, so pretty little), and it hasn't come up again.

For the record, had that been a question posed by one of my sons to me in private, versus a conversation with two cut nephews, I probably would've gone with the, "some parents choose surgery for their babies, but we think you're perfect just like you came," type explanation. However, in this situation, no one would benefit from my nephews being ashamed or feeling negatively about their bodies. If and when one of my nephews asks me about our decision, I will answer honestly with the hope of stopping circumcision with their generation, but I have no interest in creating a negative association with what seems to be a favorite plaything!!