Halloween party at school- not OK with me.

[Ruthla]

As an Orthodox Jew, my family doesn't celebrate Halloween or Valentine's Day. I just found out that my son's 3rd grade classroom is going to have parties for those two occassions. I know the exact day and time of the planned parties because the PTA asked for parent volunteers to help with the parties. They're also planning parties for other occasions that I have no problem with, such as Thanksgiving and "Winter Holiday."

I do NOT want my child celebrating Halloween. The party is scheduled for Friday afternoon, October 29th, from 1:00-1:45 PM.

Should I keep him home on the 29th? Pick him up from school early so he misses the party?

And if I do keep him home or take him out early, should I tell the school why I'm taking him out or take him out for "an appointment"? I'm not sure how much of a stink I want to make over this.

ETA: For those of you coming into this thread late, the problem is solved. I told the teacher we don't celebrate Halloween, and I'll be picking him up from school before the party begins.

[moondiapers]

I'd take him out without making a stink.

[Rose-Roget]

I'm am Christian, but I completely understand your concerns. I would probably keep ds home from school that day, or take him out for the time of the party to have some mother-son time. I think that most people don't think about the religious origins and significance to those holidays anymore, but that doesn't mean they aren't there! You could point this out gently to the school and maybe they could figure out a way to be more culturally sensitive or have more inclusive sorts of celebrations. Otherwise, a little extra time with ds could be fun.

Oh yeah, I wouldn't make an excuse like "an appointment." The school needs to know, but you don't have to make a stink over it.

[Chamomile Girl]

Originally Posted by Rose-Roget

Oh yeah, I wouldn't make an excuse like "an appointment." The school needs to know, but you don't have to make a stink over it.

I agree. Its pretty common for kids to get pulled out for reasons like this. Plus it then gives you and your kid an opportunity to talk about why you don't celebrate certain holidays. I would keep him out all day though if you can. That way he needs to do less damage control with his peers.

[Drummer's Wife]

I would just call him in. I wouldn't lie and say he is sick or has an appointment, but when you call in to leave a message, you can say you prefer he not participate in the Halloween party, so he's taking the day off.

Our school's celebration is at night (as a halloween carnival) so it's a bit easier to miss than if it were during the school day. Anyhow, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it with the school, but I would feel comfy mentioning why he won't be there.

[KCMichigan]

I would leave before the party and explain to your son and his teacher in simple terms why he is not attending.

1. it is important for the teacher to know so she can possibly adjust discussions/activities around the classroom diversity

2. so your son knows why he is leaving.

What did you do K, 1, ,2nd??


My preschool does not do Halloween, but does do Valentines day.

We do a Winter Celebration the second week of Oct.

I had Jehovahs Witness students in my classroom before, they left whenever we had any type of celebration (birthday, party, festival, etc.). We also had Islamic students that were absent frequently for religious holidays. I think it was wonderful for students to realize that other people celebrate differently!!

Areas tend to go with the 'majority' cultural celebration. In High School/Middle School we had all the Jewish Holy Days off due to the majority population celebrating these days. We had to move state testing due to it falling during religious holidays....we also had the Christian Holy Days off (Good Friday/Christmas Eve/Christmas) due to businesses areas also being closed. The area I taught in celebrated Kwanzaa and Juneteenth.

The area we live in has football practice at night during Ramadaan so that the students that fast during that time can still participate.

I would not make a big stink over it, but simply educate. MOST areas are moving toward a FAll Festival, Winter Celebration, Spring fair type activities to make sure that all children can participate and enjoy celebrating in some way!

Sllooooowly schools are teaching tolerance and acceptance of different cultural and religious practices. But it takes time and tends to vary by area.

[Mackenzie]

Are there any other students that will not be participating? Do you know? I would talk to the teacher and find out if there are, and what protocol is for such things. They may have a plan in place. At my kids old school, there was at least one JW family and those kids would go to the library during that time and watch a video, or draw or something. You may want to see if that is an option. If not, and you end up taking him out early, or keeping him out for the day, I would absolutely tell them why. You don't have to make a bid deal of it, just be matter of fact. The main reason I suggest that is that most schools have a max number of days that a child can be absent and if s/he exceeds that then it has to be approved. If you use the ill excuse, later on, if he ends up sick and exceeds the number of days they have written into policy, you may need to get a doctors sign off. Also, letting them know may prompt them to develop a policy for kids who need to opt out of such celebrations.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by Mackenzie

You don't have to make a bid deal of it, just be matter of fact. The main reason I suggest that is that most schools have a max number of days that a child can be absent and if s/he exceeds that then it has to be approved. If you use the ill excuse, later on, if he ends up sick and exceeds the number of days they have written into policy, you may need to get a doctors sign off. Also, letting them know may prompt them to develop a policy for kids who need to opt out of such celebrations.

I agree. You don't have to "make a stink," just say that your family's religious beliefs prohibit your child from participating and you would like to know if they have a plan in place for such circumstances (like sending him to the library) or should you pick him up early.

My son's current school had 2-3 forms in the registration packet regarding permission for children to participate in parties, movies, and treats.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by KCMichigan

What did you do K, 1, ,2nd??

He was in a private Jewish school for K, and a different private Jewish school for 1st and 2nd (in retrospect, I should have had him repeat K in the 2nd school because he's been struggling with work since 1st grade.) I homeschooled him last year for 3rd grade. This is his first year in public school, and just this week he was moved from 4th grade to 3rd grade (Mommy instinct told me he wasnt' ready for 4th grade, but he had to "fail" in 4th before the principal agreed with me and moved him into a 3rd grade classroom.) I'm not sure what the other class would have done (or not done) about parties, and I wasn't involved with this classroom for the past few weeks, so I couldn't be involved with organizing these parties ahead of time.

I didn't have any problems keeping DS out of school for Jewish holidays; that was a "no brainer" for me when we decided to use the public schools. But keeping him out for non-Jewish holidays just feels different to me. I wouldn't be keeping him home so that he could properly observe the holiday with the family; I'd be keeping him out of school for an entire day, possibly missing tests, just to avoid a 45 minute party?

[LauraLoo]

I think you are well within your right to pull your ds out. As other pp's have mentioned, it's not unusual.

If you are worried that he would miss important instruction that day, I'd consider pulling him out at noon so that he only misses a half day. I'd just send a note that your family doesn't celebrate Halloween. Period.

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I didn't have any problems keeping DS out of school for Jewish holidays; that was a "no brainer" for me when we decided to use the public schools. But keeping him out for non-Jewish holidays just feels different to me. I wouldn't be keeping him home so that he could properly observe the holiday with the family; I'd be keeping him out of school for an entire day, possibly missing tests, just to avoid a 45 minute party?

If he does miss tests, you can just have him make them up the following week. IME, at my kids' school, the days where they have parties or other forms of celebration are pretty low-key days. The are in a Montessori program, so testing isn't the norm anyhow, but I imagine they wouldn't be giving them on those days. But if your DS will miss something important that goes towards a grade, just talk to the teacher ahead of time and see if he can do it before or after the day he stays home.

I just realized our school is closed on the 29th - probably to avoid kids coming in wearing their costumes.

[momtoS]

Could you take him out for a late mom-son lunch and return after the party? That way he doesn't miss much.

Our school does a Halloween family dance, but it is after school hours (4-7pm) so it is up to the families if they want to participate.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by momtoS

Could you take him out for a late mom-son lunch and return after the party? That way he doesn't miss much.

I think that's what I'd do, although I might just take him home so he's not sort of coming in when everyone's still got makeup on and is munching cupcakes or whatever.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I wouldn't be keeping him home so that he could properly observe the holiday with the family; I'd be keeping him out of school for an entire day, possibly missing tests, just to avoid a 45 minute party?

can you pick him up just for the duration of the party or ask that he be provided with something different to do in a different part of the school if transportation is an issue?

I think that, esp. for a child who has any issues with school work, missing a whole day of school when they really don't need to should be avoided.

I'm surprised they have a Halloween party. Our public school when to "fall festival" years ago. There are a lot of families that don't do Halloween.

[One_Girl]

The teacher has probably had other kids who can't participate in holidays and she will probably be fine with you taking your child out that day or even for just part of the day. Even if you don't take your child out they will probably have a few kids they are keeping out of the party because their religion isn't compatable with the holiday so it is worth asking. I work with a lady who is a Jehovah's Witness and she used to make special days for her kids out of the blue to help them feel loved and to help them not feel like their religion made them miss out on fun things. I knew another lady who was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and her family allowed her to eat the junk food that was at the party but not actually be in the room participating in the party activities so her teachers came up with fun things for her to do during that time.

[Ruthla]

I think it might be harder on him to miss JUST the party, and then resume when the party is over, having to explain to his classmates where he was, etc. It's also a lot harder on me to have to drive out to the school twice, especially on a Friday when I need to prepare for Shabbos, and especially around 1:30/2:00 PM when the girls are getting home from school.

I wonder if it's too late to change the party. Should I reply to the email asking for parent volunteers, and tell them that I have a problem with the party itself?

[ILuvMyBaby]

If it was me I would just keep him home from school or pick him up early. If you are nervous about tests just let the teacher know ahead of time why he will not be there and ask for any of his work for that day.

[34me]

I would first find out if the school has activities for the kids who do not participate. I grew up on LI but now live in CO. Even we have many kids that did not participate in Halloween so there was a whole other activity planned for them - movie, story time, board games so it too is fun. If there is nothing like that I would just pick him up early enough to be home for your other kids. If I were the only one who didn't celebrate a "holiday" or activity I wouldn't ask the teacher to change things just for my child. I just wouldn't participate.

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I think it might be harder on him to miss JUST the party, and then resume when the party is over, having to explain to his classmates where he was, etc. It's also a lot harder on me to have to drive out to the school twice, especially on a Friday when I need to prepare for Shabbos, and especially around 1:30/2:00 PM when the girls are getting home from school.

I wonder if it's too late to change the party. Should I reply to the email asking for parent volunteers, and tell them that I have a problem with the party itself?

I thought your one dd didn't get home until late? Either way, they are both old enough for you to be at school getting your son and them come home alone.

[ledzepplon]

If it were me, I'd swing by the school and take my child out for lunch and ice cream.