Just how does bedtime work exactly?

[Ruthla]

Bedtime was easy when DS was little- we nursed to sleep. That gradually morphed into snuggling to sleep as he weaned. That continued until he was 7 or so. Somehow I never struggled with bedtime for the girls- they'd snuggle with me and DS until they gradually outgrew the need to snuggle every night and now, as teenagers, I trust them to get themselves to bed on time. I don't do any more than gentle reminders about sleep for them- and if they choose to stay up all night reading or watching TV, I'll let them. Both of them can be trusted to get to bed earlier the next day if they're tired.

I'm really at a loss with DS, who will be 9 next month. I'm not nursing a younger sibling to sleep at his bedtime, as I was with the girls at age 8 or 9. He doesn't seem to want or need to snuggle every night, and it doesn't always work for me to do so. It messes up MY sleep if I doze off with him and then can't stay in bed because somebody needs me for homework help or kitchen chores need to be finished or DD1 wants some alone time with me after her siblings go to bed. After dozing off and then being woken, I have a hard time falling asleep, no matter how tired I am.

It's clear to me that DS hasn't been getting enough sleep lately. It's especially hard to get him calmly to bed once he's overtired- he fights me every step of the way. He's prone to some rather violent tantrums at times, and I'm sure that getting enough sleep regularly will help with this. But what do I do when he throws a tantrum about bedtime?

What do others do for bedtime routines for 9yos? What should be the routine to prevent problems? And, secondly, what do I do if it's past bedtime and he just won't cooperate?

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

He's prone to some rather violent tantrums at times, and I'm sure that getting enough sleep regularly will help with this. But what do I do when he throws a tantrum about bedtime?

What do others do for bedtime routines for 9yos? What should be the routine to prevent problems? And, secondly, what do I do if it's past bedtime and he just won't cooperate?

Most people of any age need some wind-down before bed--maybe a quiet hour, maybe some books, maybe some soft music. Jammies and slippers and a cozy blanket 30 minutes before bed are good ideas, too.

Beyond that, a 9 yo should go to bed at bedtime without a lot of help/struggle. Big struggles over bedtime, and violent tantrums at 9, are both signs to be that something is "off"--that he is struggling with something and needs some help.

It shouldn't be this hard I know, because I've been there with my then 6 yo. When the underlying issue was addressed (for her, anxiety), the bedtime drama and violent tantrums just stopped.

[LynnS6]

Our bedtime with our 9 and 6 year olds looks like this:

• Kids put pajamas on (OK, 95% of the time dd sleeps in her clothes, about 60% of the time ds does too).
• Snack -- they get two snacks of basically whatever they want. If they were more sensitive to sugar or certain foods, I'd limit the choices for snacks. It can be anything from cereal or yogurt to ice cream.
• Independent reading time. They each have to do reading for school. Ds reads for about 20 minutes, dd 10. Ds needs to get 30 minutes total in, so if he reads for 20 minutes, and then we read stories, we figure that adds up to 30 minutes more or less. Dd needs 20 minutes total,so the same logic applies.
• Brush/floss teeth
• Bedtime stories with mom or dad (we alternate nights)
• Prayers
• In bed. They then read until they fall asleep. This doesn't count toward their reading total -- not because I care, but I don't want to have to count on it. They're free to read for as long as they want.
• Dd also has a radio on while she falls asleep.

We start the routine about 8 pm, and they're in bed about 9/9:15. Dd really needs to be in bed about 20 minutes earlier, but ds doesn't, so we're working on separating the times a bit.

[LynnS6]

Oh, and since they have a nice snuggle time with us reading stories to look forward to, they rarely fight us. It's also so ingrained that this is the routine that I don't think it would occur to them. If we were just getting the routine started, or when we need to change it (needed to add flossing recently), it takes about 2 weeks to establish.

We use the timer a lot for 'routine' things. So, if dd is dilly-dallying and not getting her snack eaten, I'll set the timer and when it beeps, it's time for reading, whether or not she's done with her snack.

[hakeber]

I don't have a 9 yo yet, but when I have babysat for 6-10 year olds, I generally did an hour of quiet play or video after dinner, bubble bath, teeth brushing etc, jammies, two stories of their choice or a chapter from a longer book, a lullabye or two and bed...never had any problems. This is more or less what we do with DS (who is 5.5) depending on the night.