OMG! what do i do? DSD sounds like she is going to die from crying?

[LionessMom]

seriously. she got grounded for 3 days bc she broke 3 rules. she took her little sister out with her. she went to a yard she is not allowed to be in. left her sister there. and brought dangerous stuff from said yard into my yard. she hardly ever breaks rules. but the last 3 times she went outside with her sister, she left her sister or let her sister run away without telling anybody. well that is dangerous for her sister. so we told her that we couldnt trust her out with her sister. and then told her she couldnt go outside to play for 3 days. those are the rules.

the big deal is: she will cry so hard and so loud for at least an hour. it scares me. she really sounds like she is going to quit breathing. it sounds like someone is beating a cat to death. she howls and yowls and stops breathing and then gets louder. eventually she calms down. i dont know what to do. i have tried to help her calm down. i have tried hugging her. i have tried to get her to breathe. i have tried leaving her alone to let her work it out. everything except what my dad did to me. which is yell at me till i sucked it in and then told me i was "just feeling sorry for myself". i want to help her not hurt her. listening to it makes me feel mad. i dont want to stay or do the wrong thing. is there a right way to help her? it feels wrong to comfort her about being in trouble, kwim? she did wrong and that is our consequence. the same every child gets. it just feels so wrong for her to cry like that. what would you do?

[pigpokey]

No she won't die.

[treeoflife3]

as someone who used to cry for a very long time into blankets where no fresh air could possibly be getting into my lungs.... she'll probably be fine.

[CarrieMF]

the big deal is: she will cry so hard and so loud for at least an hour. it scares me. she really sounds like she is going to quit breathing.

She may quit breathing but her body's natural instinct to LIVE will kick in & she will start breathing on her own.

I'd let her have her fits. It's her way of dealing with it. Leave her alone until she's done & then go in to talk to her. Anything you say or try to do before that is just going to make her madder.

[LionessMom]

i do realize she isnt going to die. i just didnt know if i should try to do something for her or leave her alone.

[phathui5]

I would let her know that she's welcome to talk to you about what happened when she calms down and then leave her alone.

Also, is she seven? Being responsible for a younger sibling might be more responsibility than she's ready for.

[LynnS6]

You've tried hugging her and being there with her? And if it's not helping, then leaving her to get over it is OK. She knows you're there when she needs you.

Our dd has major tantrums. I had major tantrums. I survived them all.

[One_Girl]

If you can push away the feelings and the need to say anything and just hold her then I suggest doing that. If you can't then I think you should leave the room if you are mad, especially if the more you listen the madder you get and you feel like you might say something you will regret. I have told my dd that I can't stay and listen to her throw a fit because I don't want to say anything mean but that I still love her and we can talk when she is calm. We have talked a lot about the difference between a fit and expressing emotions also so telling her she is throwing a fit isn't something I feel counts as that mean thing I don't want to say.

[3xMama]

Depending on her maturity level, maybe you could ask her at a neutral point what she would like: you to stay and hug her or to be left alone. If she's mature enough to really be able to answer the question, that might be the best way to find out.

It sounds like its just her way of dealing with her punishment. Its probably not fun to listen to, but it won't hurt her. Maybe just giving her a hug, telling her you understand she's upset over her punishment and that if she wants/needs you, you'll be in the living room. That way she knows you understand and are there for her, but gives her a chance to be alone and work through her emotions her way. With you nearby to call on if she needs your help.

[mamalisa]

My 5 year old is the queen of the ever lasting fit. We've made it a rule that it is fine to be sad, it's is ok to cry but you must do so quietly. We all understand you are upset, your level of sadness or anger isn't going to change the consequences. Very matter of fact. You are allowed to cry and be sad, you are not allowed to howl like a wolf about how awful everything is at the top of your lungs for hours. She gets hugs and kisses and we talk about taking deep breaths to calm down. But the reality is, sometimes she just needs to cry. A lot.

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by LionessMom

i do realize she isnt going to die. i just didnt know if i should try to do something for her or leave her alone.

Mamalisa said it right. Have all the sympathy in the world for her sadness and disappointment but the howling and yowling is self -conscious and it's fair to tell her to cut it out. You don't have to be mean about it but you can gently point out that everyone else in the house has to live with it and it's not fair to the rest of you. You can even be humorous about it.