June pregnancy after loss (PAL) mamas

[la mamita]

who's with me?

just got pregnant, first cycle after an 8 week miscarriage. i'd had a chemical pregnancy as well a few years ago. this last loss was really hard...not physically, but emotionally. my partner and i'd started telling people and making plans for the baby and even told my son (5 yo).

this pregnancy, i really hope it sticks, but i know not to get too attached too soon.

plus i am very ambivalent about the whole thing, as what got me out of my depression was deciding to get a full-time job and make plans to move out of peru with my family. all of that will still be possible with a baby on the way (DP will be the SAHP), but i definitely feel more pressure to start a job and get the visa stuff done and get settled in a new place ASAP.

even saying all that though, i know there is a HOPE for a baby at the end of all this, and i can't help but feel joy at that thought.

let's chat.

[painefaria]

I was thinking about starting this thread today.

My name is Sarah and I have had two hard losses this year, one at 11w5d and 10w5d. So I have a few weeks before I will be feeling comfortable with this pregnancy. I am feeling pretty terrible (which is somewhat of a relief) but I am not really going to be relaxed until 11/28 which is 13w.

[javilu]

I had an early loss in September. I'm not yet ready to add myself to the Roster, but I will officially join you all here.

[BHappy]

hi lovelies, i'll join you. i'm karen.

i miscarried at 12 weeks about a year and a half ago. it was a missed miscarriage. the baby probably stopped developing around 8 weeks.

to all

[swimming-duck]

Hello. I had a m/c in January 2009. It's taken a lot of emotional processing for me to move past it. We are so happy to be expecting again, but I do not have the ignorantly blissful attitude that I had with my first pregnancy, which resulted in DS. I want to be happy, buy baby clothes, look for maternity stuff, etc...But right now I'm just nervous.

[jcwmama]

Hi ladies,
Can I say 'ditto' to everything you've already said! I had a missed m/c October '09 at 10 weeks- baby stopped developing around 7 weeks. Had an early m/c this past June at 7 weeks. Back trying again but still haven't officially joined the club and added name to the roster. I can't believe how carefree I was in my first pregnancy, which thankfully resulted in DS, who is a perfect 3 year old now. I was already thinking about names and baby clothes at 6 weeks the first time around and now I'm just trying to make it though every day. I'm glad I got to experience that, though. Here's hoping for sticky beans for all PAL mamas! Thanks for starting this thread.

[javilu]

annnnnd, i'm out. best to all of you!!

[swimming-duck]

puffnstuff - I'm so sorry.

[la mamita]

puffnstuff: so sorry, take care of yourself

[painefaria]

PuffnStuff

[MrsHin2002]

Hi All,

Just looking for some reassurance. I had an ultrasound today at 7w4d and the fetus measured at only 6w?d and the dr was not hopeful about the viability, though he said there's still a chance. We couldn't see a heartbeat. My hcg level on Friday (at 7 weeks) was 15000, I won't have a repeat level done until Monday (I'm away the rest of this week) and have another u/s booked for next Thurs.

Anyone have any good news stories to share about scenarios like this that turned out to be ok? I just don't know how to feel at this point. I'm back at work (going away tomorrow at lunch so there's lots to do) but partly want to go home and cry. But then it's not over yet... no physical symptoms, no spotting or cramping or anything.

Anyhow -- just had to share. Hugs to everyone on this tricky journey.

Karen

[littleteapot]

4 m/cs and a full term loss (not still birth, he died shortly after birth) here. The miscarriages don't really bother me anymore, I suppose my son's death overshadowed it quite a bit... I feel like pregnancy is a jaded, cynical experience for me now. I can no longer feel fun-loving and innocent; my trust has been seriously damaged, and I spend the entire time wondering if this is going to turn out with a healthy baby at the end. I'm having a really hard time bonding to this pregnancy and feeling like it's real; I'm keeping it at a distance. I'm 9w now and I still check for blood every time I go to the bathroom, like I'm just waiting on pins and needles for it to be over before it starts.

[swimming-duck]

littleteapot - It seems really unfair that some women must suffer so much loss.

Well, I haven't even joined the roster yet. How's that for being pessimistic. And yes, I also check for spotting every time I use the bathroom. Personality wise I'm a very optimistic person normally. So it's weird having this sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

As it is, I really want to try to enjoy this pregnancy. Regardless of the outcome, this is a life and I really do want to celebrate that fact. I do feel better knowing that I'm on progesterone this time around and that gives me hope.

[la mamita]

MrsHin2002: I don't know much about early ultrasounds. Could you possibly be off in your dates? Had a late ovulation? Your HCG levels look good according to this website (http://www.fertilinet.com/hcg_%20lev...0pregnancy.htm) but I really haven't had much early prenatal care despite losses, so perhaps someone else can give more advice.

littleteapot: welcome. i love your kids' names, so gorgeous.

it's so hard, not knowing whether or not to get excited, whether to share the news, whether to start making plans, talking about baby names, etc...i have read on other PAL threads "it never hurts to hope" and i don't know if the post-loss depression would have been less had i not attached to the pregnancy, perhaps it would have been even stronger. but i think all PAL mamas end up knowing that nothing is safe, nothing is secure, not all pregnancies end perfectly, and that hurts to learn.

[GolfAddict]

Hey guys!!

I had a mc at 11w5d in March. Although the heart had stopped around 8w3d.

How I wish I could go back to being so naive to think that every pregnancy resulted in a live baby at the end!! I really hope that this 1st trimester goes fast and I can enjoy the rest of the pg without overanalyzing every little feeling. I am feeling a lot different time around. So I'm hoping that's a good sign.

I have my first US tomorrow at 7w6d. Could use some prayers and finger crossing...if you have some to spare.

Originally, DH said he couldn't go to the appt with me because he didn't think he could handle another bad US. Some days I was mad and thought he should just suck it up and deal with it. And then there are days that I understand that people deal with things differently. But I asked him again last week, just so I could give someone else a week's notice of the appt (because I sure didn't want to go alone) and he said he would. But I think he is still scared. He told me this weekend that he will die if we get bad news.

[painefaria]

Originally Posted by GolfAddict

Originally, DH said he couldn't go to the appt with me because he didn't think he could handle another bad US. Some days I was mad and thought he should just suck it up and deal with it. And then there are days that I understand that people deal with things differently. But I asked him again last week, just so I could give someone else a week's notice of the appt (because I sure didn't want to go alone) and he said he would. But I think he is still scared. He told me this weekend that he will die if we get bad news.

I hear you about getting bad news. I really want to go to a U/S appointment and leave smiling for once. and to you for your appointment.

[trini]

This feels like the right place for me. Had a missed m/c back in 2002, my son was stillborn at 38 weeks in 2003, my 2nd son was born in 2005 (and is now FIVE years old!), and I just had a m/c at 7 weeks in July.

We deal with IF on top of the loss, so it always feels like a double whammy. The little babe we lost in July was the result of 3 1/2 years of ttc. Therefore, it was quite a shock to conceive again so quickly (with the aid of fertility drugs).

I am in the very early stages here. Had a beta blood test last Thursday that came back with a result of 12. Monday's blood test was 133. I'll be on progesterone and Lovenox.

With every little twinge down there, I think I'm bleeding. I am very nervous, but trying to remain very hopeful. I very much live in the moment. RIGHT NOW I am pregnant.

Here is to some very much loved June babies.

[swimming-duck]

Hi trini. I'm so sorry to hear about all of the loss that you've experienced. I hope this is a sticky baby for you.

So I've been POASing pretty much since I found out I was pregnant because I like seeing the HCG line get a tad darker each day. It gives me just a bit of reassurance and that makes me feel happy. Is that a little OCD? What do you think? Anyone else?

[OrangeMoon]

I lost my May baby, and here I am pregnant with a June bug. I felt a very distinctive soul with my May baby and really miss her. It makes me sad to think about. I know we will be reunited one day though.

I am really happy to have gotten pregnant on the first cycle after just because I feel like it really would have weighed on me until I did. So here I am, very happy to be having a june bug.

[sara125]

Wow, so many courageous ladies here!

I feel like a total newbie. My m/c was 11w3d in June. It was more frustrating (and painful) than sad. I had been bleeding on and off since 4w and even though I had a great u/s at 5w2d, the midwife couldn't find a heartbeat at my 10w apt and I had very little hope.

I'm 8w today and haven't bled or spotted at all. I also feel a lot different, but maybe that's psychological. I still carry a spare pair of underwear and a giant pad in my purse wherever I go...just in case.

Best of luck to you all! I hope they all stick!!!