I am having a major sugery and may have to wean quickly before we are ready

[Enudely]

I just found out I'll be needing (another) open heart surgery. The date will likely be set for around Dec 10th (only a month and a half away!). My 20 month old is still going strong with nursing. Usually 3-4 times a day and a special "lots of milk" session at 5:00 a.m
I am going to talk to the cardiologist about the possibility of not weaning, but I'm sort of expecting him to tell me I should wean. I just don't want the surgery to be any more traumatic for ds then it has to be. If I wean now, then me being in the hospital for 4-6 day won't be combined with sudden weaning as well. The truth is, I'm going to have a major incision right down my sternum, be on hard painkillers for days, and be unable to lift him. I would be willing to have other people hold him up, etc, whatever I needed to do, if I thought I could pull it off. I will be in the hospital for at least four days though.
I am so so so sad to think of weaning, I don't even know how I would do it, since I'm not feeling ready. The little guy will be feeling my mixed emotions about it for sure. The only thing I can think of is to leave for the weekend and leave him with my husband. I'm so sad. Anyone have any insight for me?

[momtoS]

I don't have any really good advice. BUT, 20 months of nursing is awesome. And I am sorry you have to go through heart surgery. Wishing you much health!

[rabbitmum]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this, it sounds really tough.

I think it might be worth a try to not wean, though. I had to suddenly wean because of chemo therapy when my youngest was 2 years 9 1/2 months. I was really sad about it. When I was done with the chemo, after about two months, I toyed with the idea of starting breastfeeding again, but since my DS was already three years old and had been weaned for over two months, it seemed a bit silly - it wouldn't be that long before I would be thinking of weaning anyway. Besides he didn't have the sucking technique anymore - he did ask for milk once or twice when I was in the bath and he saw my breasts, and I still had some milk, but I had to squeeze it out for him, and he sort of slurped it up, and didn't remember how to latch on.

However, if it had been only a week or two I am sure we would both have wanted to continue, and I don't think he would have lost his latching technique in two weeks.
The milk doesn't disappear that fast, either, and the supply can be built back up quite quickly.
I'm not sure how long it will take for you to be able to hold him again?

Even though DS was older than your child, being forced to stop breastfeeding was awful for me - I would so much have preferred to be able to choose when to wean. I still can't talk about it without crying. I lost my fertility because of the cancer treatment, and I mourn that, but I have cried much more for the breastfeeding.

Good luck with everything! I hope you find a good solution and that your healing is quick.

[AfricanQueen99]

Originally Posted by rabbitmum

Even though DS was older than your child, being forced to stop breastfeeding was awful for me - I would so much have preferred to be able to choose when to wean. I still can't talk about it without crying.

This is very much a truth for me, too. I was forced to wean to go through cancer treatment when my daughter was 13 months. It was done "cold turkey" and was incredibly hard for both of us. Years later I still am sad about the whole situation...luckily I am nursing a newbie so some of those emotions are calming down for me.

If you choose to go the "cold turkey" route it doesn't have to be done in such a way that you just disappear. For me, I explained to my daughter (again, 13 months) what was happening, we had my husband take pictures of our last nursing session and there were a lot of hugs and kisses. Until I dried up I would hold and cuddle her each time she wanted to nurse. Yes, there were a few tears, but I thought there would be more.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. Believe me, I empathize.

[melaniemharbin]

I have bf 3 children for 2 yrs+ each and thru many of lifes ups and downs; however not open heart surgery or cancer, but would recommend that you start pumping now to supplement while you are in the hospital, that way your child still has mom's milk and will likely be ready to nurse when you are ready. Be warned drs will not recommend you bf while on medication. Maybe you could ask for pain meds given to women who have c-sections bc it doesn't pass into the breastmilk as readily.

[Teensy]

My DS#2 was weaned cold turkey when I was hospitalized following a back injury when he was 18 months. My mom took him while I was in the hospital and they muddled through, I think with the aid of lots of M-Ms. I considered trying to nurse again after I was released, but between the pain, pain killers, difficultly in pumping while lying flat on my back, and the considering (and eventually having) surgery, I decided to accept the cold turkey weaning for what it was.

Hope your surgery and recovery go well!

[rabbitmum]

Dear OP, as I said I think it might be possible for you to continue breastfeeding after your operation, but in case this turns out to be too difficult, I will tell you about my experience with involuntary, sudden weaning:

We went cold turkey, too. I was going to spend the two weeks before I started chemo treatment weaning more gradually, but DS got chickenpox and was quite sick and bothered by the itching, so I ended up nursing him more frequently instead of less. He was well again just before I started the treatment. Still, going cold turkey wasn't what made it hard, it was having to wean when none of us wanted to that was tough.

I told him a couple of days beforehand that I was going to have to have a very strong medicine that was going to be bad for my milk, which meant that he couldn't have any more breastmilk. I reminded him again on the morning of the last day. The last evening, before nursing, I told him that this would be the last time. After nursing he cried a bit and said he was sad about it, and so did I. He did ask for milk a few times during the next few days, but seemed to accept it after that. I wore a tight T-shirt at night to avoid him grabbing a breast during the night, as of course the chemo made my milk very toxic - and my sweat too, so I had to avoid skin contact. We were still co-sleeping. We let him have warm milk from a bottle in the evenings for a while, but he didn't really like it that much, so we stopped doing that before it really became a habit. This might be different for a younger child.

I chose not to take any hormones to stop the milk, as I have heard that they can make you feel quite bad, like heavy PMS. Instead I just milked myself to relieve the pressure. Physically it wasn't that bad.

I don't think the sudden weaning was traumatic for my DS. He is 4 1/2 and still remembers breastfeeding as a very nice thing that he did when he was "a baby". He just started sleeping in his own room two weeks ago - he chose this himself. It is still possible to cuddle a lot without breastfeeding.

You have all my sympathies, I hope you heal quickly, hugs and best of luck.

[Enudely]

thank you, Rabbitmum. I really appreciate you taking the time to write all that. I'm sort of thinking of trying not to wean at this point. My little guy is only 20 months old. I am going to talk to the dr. about it. I'm concerned that overly full breasts will be extra painful on an insicion down my sternum. I will have to have the support of the hospital staff with pumping right after the sugery (and dumping of course). Then the question is holding him to nurse during the recovery period.
I am heartened by the mama on this thread who seemed to think I could take two weeks offf and still get back to it....

[emilysmama]

Originally Posted by Enudely

thank you, Rabbitmum. I really appreciate you taking the time to write all that. I'm sort of thinking of trying not to wean at this point. My little guy is only 20 months old. I am going to talk to the dr. about it. I'm concerned that overly full breasts will be extra painful on an incision down my sternum. I will have to have the support of the hospital staff with pumping right after the sugery (and dumping of course). Then the question is holding him to nurse during the recovery period.
I am heartened by the mama on this thread who seemed to think I could take two weeks offf and still get back to it....

I don't have experience with open heart surgery, but I do have some thoughts, because unless I am missing something, I don't think you have to wean.

1. At 20 months old, do your breasts get overly full? Every person is different, but mine didn't get full like they did when the baby was really young. I assume that your only concern is about the extra weight of the breasts on the incision?

2. Are you worried about the medications getting into the milk? The hospital might not have enough time to help you with pumping and dumping, but you could either bring your own double electric pump or the hospital could keep one of theirs in your recovery room. Could you schedule a friend to drop in every X hours to help you with the pumping and dumping? Because my guess is that when you are in the hospital, the staff may not have enough time to make helping you with pumping and dumping a priority.

3. Can you explain to your child what is going on? If I had told my child at 20 months that there would be an X week long break from nursing, then I know my child would have been able to understand. Of course, every child is different, and 20 months is still a baby in many ways, but 20 month old can understand a lot.

4. Can you get your child working now to start figuring out ways to nurse that won't put strain on your future incision site? For example, can your child figure out how to nurse standing up while you are sitting up propped up by pillows? Or, better yet, can your child learn to nurse standing up while you are lying down? Or maybe child lying down on bed with you, ubt perpendicular to you so no weight on your body? When my child was 13 months, she was congested, and I experimented with seating my child on my lap facing me, straddling one of my thighs, and she nursed from an upright position. Looked really silly, but it did work. Can you two experiment with unorthodox nursing positions?

5. If at all possible, I would pump (and dump) to keep the supply up. But pumping to keep the supply up for a 20 month old is more flexible than pumping to keep the supply up for a newborn or even a 6-12 month old. For a 20 month old, if you go without nursing or pumping for 3-4 days, your supply might go down, but you can get it back up with frequent nursing.

Is it only two weeks that you can't have any nursing at all? (Two weeks is not very long. I thought you meant that the soonest you could nurse would be like 6 weeks.) Then I don't think you necessarily have to wean.

The only thing that you have to fear is if, when you are ready to resume nursing, your child forgets how to latch on. Hard to say for sure whether that will happen, but 20 months seems pretty young to forget how to do that.

So, unless there are issues that will last longer than 2 weeks, I would hope for the best, and prepare myself for the worst (that child might possibly forget how to latch on), and pump.