7-year-old acting up?

[trinitys_mom]

Hello

I have 2 daughters, one will be 8 next month and one just turned one. So far so good with how they get along, obviously there is quite a gap but there has been no jealousy or problems. Until now.

I just found out I was pregnant and further along then I thought (about 3-4 months...thanks a lot breastfeeding...lol) Anyway, we wanted a third child and are happily expecting him/her.

I realize that I am hormonal, and overwhelmed with two kids and a full-time job. I also realize that I'm being pulled many different ways and I don't have all the time I desire with my kids.

Trinity, my oldest, has been acting....dumb. I don't know how to describe it. Like I will ask her to go get her sweater out of her room. While she is in the room I ask her to grab her backpack too. Instead of grabbing her sweater, she runs out like she's in trouble and starts looking for her backpack. I tell her, no go back, get your sweater first and then look for your backpack. The other day I asked her to grab the two bags out of the front of the car. And she looks at me and grabs her drink from the back and hands it to me. I'm like???? Of course, this sends me off the deep end. I'm already holding a squirrely baby, pregant, tired....running late. And I'm so frustrated.

I know she is feeling pressure from me, I just don't know how to stop losing my temper. Mostly I just yell, sometimes I say...get out of my sight I can't handle this right now.

Any suggestions before this starts affecting everyone? My husband helps, but he is just as frustrated. We work opposite schedules, so he doesn't really see her during the times when she does....this...I don't even know how to describe it.

Thanks!

[Ruthla]

The best thing you can do is to change your perspective. Your child is only 7, and can't be expected to always help you out. She needs to be babied too.

[trinitys_mom]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

The best thing you can do is to change your perspective. Your child is only 7, and can't be expected to always help you out. She needs to be babied too.

Agreed. And now looking at it, it really is during the times I am asking for help. I will be working on that. Thank you.

[joycenjackiesmom]

My 7 year old dd acts a lot like yours--especially during the morning rush out the door. I do find that when I remember to ask her to get her clothes, shoes, jacket, backpack ready the night before she is more likely to do it independently than in the morning. Congrats on the pg.

[camracrazy]

My oldest can be like that. She's nine but has been doing it for a few years.

Seven is not too young to help out with the basic tasks you described. I have found that the following things help:

1) Ask one thing at a time. I found that if I asked for two or three things in one request it confused my dd, or by the time she did one thing she forgot what the other thing was. She's better about that now, but at seven she was easier to confuse.

2) Making sure they hear you. If dd is into something like a book, a project, etc she is less likely to actually hear what I am saying. She knows that I said something, but her brain didn't register it! You may need to call your dd over to you and clearly state what you want while she is standing in front of you giving you her full attention. You may even need to ask her, "What did I just say?" in order to be sure she was really clear on what you want.

3) Make a place for things she is going to need everyday, like her backpack and jacket. Before she goes to bed, make sure she puts her things where they go. It saves a lot of frustration in the morning!

Good luck!

[Tigerchild]

Keep in mind that at almost 8, she is very likely just as able as you are to use the "hormonal" excuse for behavior, but without the years of civilizations that you have had. She may be in the beginning stages of puberty even if you don't see physical manifestations yet.

My DD got her breast buds shortly after her 8th birthday. It explained SO much as far as the ditziness/brain fog, emotional outbursts without "reason", grouchiness, ect. Now, you can still work with her on the behavior, but please try to be understanding.

Her body is on the cusp of growing through even more changes than your pregnant body if she is indeed moving towards that stage. I find that my DD as she is moving in the early stages of puberty is actually quite sensitive to MY hormonal stuff too. Some of that no doubt is picking up on my moods. But I also don't doubt that there is pheremones or whatever mixing in there too.

Add to it that a lot of 7-9 year olds of either gender tend to move in testing cycles, and attention-changes cycles...it can be really frustrating.

But it's something you should keep in mind. I think early puberty is a really fragile stage, even though many kids (my DD included) seem to be doing everything they can to make you exasperated/annoyed/POed--I know it's not very convenient given the age spread and the new pregnancy but I think you still have to be pretty careful. Much easier said than done, and I am pretty sure there are more of us who have said "get out of my sight" at least once than not--but...I wish that I had thought about puberty before it was, well, right in my face.

[trinitys_mom]

Originally Posted by camracrazy

My oldest can be like that. She's nine but has been doing it for a few years.

Seven is not too young to help out with the basic tasks you described. I have found that the following things help:

1) Ask one thing at a time. I found that if I asked for two or three things in one request it confused my dd, or by the time she did one thing she forgot what the other thing was. She's better about that now, but at seven she was easier to confuse.

2) Making sure they hear you. If dd is into something like a book, a project, etc she is less likely to actually hear what I am saying. She knows that I said something, but her brain didn't register it! You may need to call your dd over to you and clearly state what you want while she is standing in front of you giving you her full attention. You may even need to ask her, "What did I just say?" in order to be sure she was really clear on what you want.

3) Make a place for things she is going to need everyday, like her backpack and jacket. Before she goes to bed, make sure she puts her things where they go. It saves a lot of frustration in the morning!

Good luck!

Im going to try a few of these things. Before I met my husband I bought a tiny house thinking...oh I wont have any more kids...2 bed 1 bath 800 sq feet. Well...now we are about to pack 5 people in that house, so organization is farrrrr beyond me. That is part of the problem too. I have to cull a lot of junk out which I've been slowly doing since we found out about the third baby. We are getting there!

Thank you for the input.

[trinitys_mom]

Originally Posted by Tigerchild

Keep in mind that at almost 8, she is very likely just as able as you are to use the "hormonal" excuse for behavior, but without the years of civilizations that you have had. She may be in the beginning stages of puberty even if you don't see physical manifestations yet.

My DD got her breast buds shortly after her 8th birthday. It explained SO much as far as the ditziness/brain fog, emotional outbursts without "reason", grouchiness, ect. Now, you can still work with her on the behavior, but please try to be understanding.

Her body is on the cusp of growing through even more changes than your pregnant body if she is indeed moving towards that stage. I find that my DD as she is moving in the early stages of puberty is actually quite sensitive to MY hormonal stuff too. Some of that no doubt is picking up on my moods. But I also don't doubt that there is pheremones or whatever mixing in there too.

Add to it that a lot of 7-9 year olds of either gender tend to move in testing cycles, and attention-changes cycles...it can be really frustrating.

But it's something you should keep in mind. I think early puberty is a really fragile stage, even though many kids (my DD included) seem to be doing everything they can to make you exasperated/annoyed/POed--I know it's not very convenient given the age spread and the new pregnancy but I think you still have to be pretty careful. Much easier said than done, and I am pretty sure there are more of us who have said "get out of my sight" at least once than not--but...I wish that I had thought about puberty before it was, well, right in my face.

I always thought she might hit puberty late like I did, I was 13 when I got my period and 15 before any breasts, being tall and very thin...puberty hit me late. BUT on her father's side, her aunt and grandma hit it early so of course I am not going to rule that out. I will keep my eye on that from now on because I didn't even think of that. .....hahah wow....

I posted this originally a few days ago. I have really done some breathing and thinking when she starts to frustrate me...and it's helped a ton. I've also just put the fussy baby down...and helped her with some tasks and she seems to be responding to that as well.

Thanks all!

[Tigerchild]

Originally Posted by trinitys_mom

I always thought she might hit puberty late like I did, I was 13 when I got my period and 15 before any breasts, being tall and very thin...puberty hit me late. BUT on her father's side, her aunt and grandma hit it early so of course I am not going to rule that out. I will keep my eye on that from now on because I didn't even think of that. .....hahah wow....

Yep, what stunned me as a parent was the final realization that puberty doesn't *begin* at starting your period. I mean, I did "know" that but I didn't *know* it. Puberty begins at least a couple of years before your period starts, those hormones have to shift and start things moving in order for you to even menstruate and ovulate! So if you got your period at thirteen, even if you didn't have breast development until after (I didn't either, really! I think I had buds before, but I don't remember, and didn't need a bra until I was like 16! ), you actually started puberty at 10 or 11 most likely!

Like I said, even though I intellectually knew that DD was right on target for puberty even if she followed my pattern, I too was thinking "period" and not the beginning. It took me awhile to realize that and embrace it!

[meemee]

yup yup. i dont think we are aware of prepuberty.

i am not sure when i was a child when it started.

or exactly what prepuberty was

if it wasnt for my friends i have no idea how i would have handled that stage because myy dd was behaving just like a PMSing behav.

i think nowadays from friends IRL prepuberty starts at around 5-6. my dd went thru her behaviour phase at 5 1/2. then she started BO at 6 and now bbuds at 8.

and yeah i always thought puberty was periods. so yeah i've had some learning to do.

however that's common because i started at almost 11 and had bbuds at 9.

however i do feel sad watching my dd grow up and realise perhpas in a couple of years or so she is going to start her periods.

she is 8 and even though she is precocious, but inherently she is such a child still. i really am not ready for her to start her periods. till she is at least in her teens.

seh still doesnt get the concept of 'shame' of sitting properly and not showing her underwear.