Is it time to let go?

[Red Cape]

Dear Jamie,

Thank you very much for your past response, I have been thinking of what you said quite often and it has really helped me. I feel a strength returning that I had long lost.

I have composed a letter to my husband and have been wondering whether or not I should present it to him. I have had a longing to work on our relationship, but I am afraid of it only making things harder or more confusing. I don't know if he wants to. It has spiked since he told me he had met someone else. He has since told me that he broke it off, but I have a hard time believing it, or that it won't happen again soon.

I am having a very hard time letting go of him, because I want to feel like I gave it my best shot, and there always seems like there is more I could do or try. I now see many ways that I wasn't able to meet his needs, and vice versa. I don't know if we ever can as a couple.

He has been clearly moving forward on the separation, I don't know why I refuse to take "no" for an answer. Many would have left long ago and I don't know why I can't seem to. I guess I am a romantic person, and very forgiving and forbearing. But I also don't want to waste my efforts on an unfruitful endeavour. I'm just not sure when to stop. And if "no" truly does mean "no" here, then what will help me to realize it and truly let go so that I can move on?

Kind Regards.

[IntuitiveJamie]

Hi Red Cape,
I'm sorry it's so hard right now. I'm sorry your heart aches. I'm not sure there is a clear answer here. I think it sounds like you will hang on until the last moment. Only if and when your husband makes the complete break will it happen. I just don't know that there will be another way. There can be. It's always a choice. And right now the choice you are making is to hang on. There is nothing to feel bad about with that. It's your marriage, your partnership, how your life has been lived for many years. I don't see it as strange or crazy to hang on and be having a hard time with it all. I think deep down though it's just your fear of being alone and not knowing what else is there that is hanging on. You said so yourself last question you asked that you are not even sure what else there is if you are not a couple with your partner. I think that is just playing out as hanging on. Seeing the mistakes you and him made, feeling this overwhelming feeling of it can be different now because you both get it, is not going to change anything. That is in your head mostly, not in your heart like you may be thinking.
Intuitively I do not see it working out. But I go back to that it's your choice in how you handle it. If you want to hang on until the last possible moment that is your right. Or you could choose another way. For example, instead of clinging, you choose gratitude for the time you did have together. For the way your lives have been enmeshed for the past many years. for what you did learn from him, and for the child that came from this union. Sure, sometimes you sob for hours about it. Sometimes you may even pitch a fit. But then you pick yourself back up and reflect on what I told you last time. You are living this lifetime for YOU. To meet the people and have the experiences and learn the knowledge that you will learn because you are you. You are not living just to be a couple with this other person. That has only been a part of the picture. Now the picture is changing. I suggest riding the wave in all of it's turbulence, all of it's power, sometimes it's swiftness and then allow it to gently lap you onto the beach under the shining sun.
This is what life is all about.

[Red Cape]

Thanks, I think your answer has helped. I sense that it is not going to work out either, and I do think I am hanging on out of fear like you said. I have trouble imagining a better match for me, but I am very curious and getting a lot of courage and excitement to start a new adventure. I just need to give myself permission I think!

[IntuitiveJamie]

Don't think.
Just know.
You are right.
Give yourself permission.