Would this frustrate you?

[mamaof5boys]

I guess I just need to vent with other like minded people. I am dating someone who was diagnosed with shingles last Thursday- the SAME day he got a flu vax!!!! He was dx by his doctor and then got the shot at work, but....

I'm frustrated on a couple of levels. First, he knows how I feel about vaccinations- which of course is completely his choice. He didn't even tell me until I asked, his son told me that his dad brought him in for a vax last week. Secondly, how totally irresponsible on all levels that he would actually get the vax- we've talked about it a lot and certainly he picked up a little from me about not vaxing when you're ill. And finally, this is enough to make me want to break up with the guy. Can't see myself in a long term relationship with someone who feels completely opposite than me about the issue. It makes me sick to think his kids (who have health issues) were vaxed!

How have you dealt with these issues in blended relationships/marriage? Thanks for the vent

[Lineymom]

My DH gets the flu shot sometimes, but me and the kids don't. I never tried to convince him not to, I just explain why I don't want the kids to.
The older ones are partly vaxed, baby (11m) not at all.

[shanniesue2]

It's not a dealbreaker for me.

Dh got the flu shot a few weeks ago... I simply responded, "ew" and then told him about all the carcinogens he had chosen to have injected into his body. He got annoyed and we had a small spat (but it was mostly b/c he didn't want to hear about all the nasties in vax or the lack of safety testing... he "believes" in vaccines). Our spat wasn't b/c I was mad about him choosing to get vaxed. It was b/c he doesn't like to talk to me about vax.

And mostly, we don't talk about it. He knows I don't want DS vaxed... although he has insisted on DS getting polio vax before entering public schools (I'm not bringing it up in the hopes that he'll forget about it since I'm normally the one to take care of health matters with DS). We will deal with that when we get there.

I just don't see why the vax issue would have to be a relationship issue. I mean, it's his body... his choice. Yes, it's not something you would choose to do, but as long as he's not forcing them on you or your kids, I don't see the problem. You've given the info, and he's made the choice.

[TCMoulton]

Originally Posted by mamaof5boys

I'm frustrated on a couple of levels. First, he knows how I feel about vaccinations- which of course is completely his choice. He didn't even tell me until I asked, his son told me that his dad brought him in for a vax last week. Secondly, how totally irresponsible on all levels that he would actually get the vax- we've talked about it a lot and certainly he picked up a little from me about not vaxing when you're ill. And finally, this is enough to make me want to break up with the guy. Can't see myself in a long term relationship with someone who feels completely opposite than me about the issue. It makes me sick to think his kids (who have health issues) were vaxed!

If it is completely his choice I don't see how it was a totally irresponsible decision - you yourself said that you have discussed vaccines in the past and he made the choice to get the flu shot. His body, his choice regardless of how you feel about that decision.

[BeckyBird]

That would annoy me, but then again, a lot of things annoy me lol!

[Emmeline II]

If I were in the position to be dating again, it would give me pause. If you are generally "crunchy" (particularly in the realm of health care) and he is not, I've seen that cause a lot of conflict in relationships. Also, unless one of you are "fixed" there is always the possibility of another child; THAT is where the biggest conflict would be.

[mamaof5boys]

Thanks all for the feedback! I do totally respect the fact that it's his body, his choice. He is a little more on the crunchy side himself, so I think that's what has made me a little sad about it all. I kind of feel like he went behind my back because he knew how I would feel about it- would he ever do that with my kids if we were married? He does always tell me what a good mom I am, and it's never been an issue for him- he seems to respect our non-vax status.

I'm assuming when you are married, legally the step parent has every right to vax, give medical treatment without the biological parents permission, right? I have read so many scenarios on this forum of parents doing things without the others permission... it's scary. I would never put my kids in that kind of place. This may sound strange, but can you do a legal document regarding health treatment (as in no permission to vax) just as you would a prenuptial agreement? It sounds like I'm not very trusting, but these days it seems you have to CYA.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by mamaof5boys

I'm assuming when you are married, legally the step parent has every right to vax, give medical treatment without the biological parents permission, right? I have read so many scenarios on this forum of parents doing things without the others permission... it's scary. I would never put my kids in that kind of place. This may sound strange, but can you do a legal document regarding health treatment (as in no permission to vax) just as you would a prenuptial agreement? It sounds like I'm not very trusting, but these days it seems you have to CYA.

You would probably need to ask a family law attorney, but I think they would have no more right than a grandparent who is not a legal guardian or adoptive parent. Your children's legal parents are you and their birth father. That said, you don't have to show proof of guardianship when vaxing so it could happen.